Hi, i’ve been stuck for 2 months thinking about a girl i **only dated for 5 weeks**. She came into my life and we were in contact all day long so i really got used to it. We only had 6 real dates. Long story short her ex came back into her life and she’s back together with him now.
I have no idea why it’s so hard for me to move on from this. Maybe i idealize her because we were trying to impress eachother on every date, so i’ve only seen the good sides. All we did was cuddle, watch movies and talk, so alot of feel good chemicals involved as well. I never saw her in any other situation and she never slept over either. I’ve created this perfect picture of her which is probably not even accurate. When i was with her it wasn’t that special, just very comfortable and easy, she lives in my city and she’s my type appearance wise.
I feel like she really led me on by the things she said/did. I never knew she still had strong feelings for her ex. They were together for 6 years, and broken up for 7 months when we started dating. How do i really move on?
2 comments
She sounds like she was vulnerable and using you to try to get over her ex. She was probably hung up on her ex and honestly there was probably nothing you could have done about it. She was waiting for him to come back and you were there as filler for her life. It’s not your fault at all, look at this as a lesson and try not to be the rebound guy again.
Sounds like you over-valued her very early on before taking the time to get to know her, or just getting the chance to properly get to know her, which can cause you to over invest and project qualities onto someone that can turn them from being good, to great.
Besides this, you might have a bit of a scarcity mindset. To help get rid of this;
1. Write down your values on paper. This will help you to stay aligned with them and avoid compromising your dignity and standards when the temptation to make destructive decisions come along.
2. Remind yourself of your qualities and achievement. If you can see yourself as a person of value and worth then you are less likely to settle for meagre outcomes in life.
3. Actually work on your confidence with women and develop an abundance mindset where you know you can get good women into your life and thus won’t feel the need to end up over investing, or over valuing someone so early on.
4. Understand that a scarcity mindset is not tied to having a lack of options but it’s more of a mindset that desires and wants more than it has, by getting in touch with your authentic self and working on what I’ve listed above you will enter more of an abundance mindset and this is where, yes you would like to have more options but you can really take it or leave it because you are totally content and happy on your own, the irony is, when you adopt this mindset you become a lot more attractive as you come from a place of inspiration rather then desperation you will start to naturally attract more women into your life