I’m (20F) a college student and I have absolutely no friends. I have a few people that I may spend a day with during the week, but it seems as if they don’t want me around. I’m not sure what is wrong with me. I try to be honest with myself. I recognize my flaws and acknowledge when I make mistakes. I try to value open communication and being kind to people. Despite all this, I have trouble making friends. I’ve tried talking to people in my classes, and I joined a club on top of my sport, but it seems that no one wants to get to know me or get close to me. I’m not sure if this has to do with my own character, but I am guessing it does since I have had this problem all my life. I have talked to the few people I hang out with and they say I’m normal, I just don’t put myself out there (mostly, that I do not go to parties). However, I have been trying my best, but I am highly sick of trying and getting nowhere. Some people have said that I’m too “closed-off” and “not open,” but I’m not certain if I can trust those people’s statements because they were abusers or treated me poorly. I also tend to have anxiety when it comes to whether or not people will like me, which sometimes just ends up being self-destructive. However, I’m aware of this and try to cut off these thoughts so they don’t affect my behaviors.
On another note, I am not sure if this may have to do with my generation. At my college, it seems that no one wants to talk to anyone and they seem “offended” when you even ask them how they’re doing. I have had people I talked to in classes/clubs that go out of their way to avoid saying hi to me by staring at their phones. I’m not sure if this is just gen Z’s version of “ghosting” in real life and having really bad social skills with an inability to communicate face-to-face, or if it is altogether me.
If you need any more insight, I wouldn’t mind answering any questions.
3 comments
It seems to me that you need to learn that you are who you are and if people don’t like this thaen screw them. There’s always time to meet new people, even online. What are you hobbys? What do you like to do in your free time? I’ve been through this and sometimes it just takes time. Just be yourself and don’t try to chenge so people like you more, it’ll work short term but it might backfire in the way that you’ll never feel confortable around them.
Adressing people not wanting to talk in colledge, I don’t know how people are in your country, but in mine people just kinda mind their own businnes and have enough things to worry about. You might want to try and find people with similar interests as yours and start slowly, even with simple small talk. After some time you’ll find people that like what you like and start talking more, going out once in a while etc. Just don’t rush it.
For all my life before university I’ve had maybe 3 or 4 close friends (2 of which I’ve know since I was like 4 years old). I was really scared of going to university in different city, not knowing anyone etc.After like a month or two after overhearing some chats I just tried to join them if I knew something on the topic a it just worked over time.Just give yourself some time and uou’ll get there.
And be confident and be yourself! That’s the most important part. People come and go, you are always with yourself and you have to love yourself the most.
One thing i realized at least in my case as I kinda have had to let go of the end goal of making friends. It sounds kinda of counter intuitive but I used to put so much pressure on myself that it made it hard as a paralyzed myself. It was only recently once I became more assured with myself that I have been able to be more social. It was once I stopped caring and said ‘ah fuck it’ that I have somehow found it easier to talk to people. I used to have to hype myself up to people but now i have learned to not care as much. One way that i accidently learned to break the ice is to compliment someone, but necessarily do anything afterword. Like for example if i see someone sitting next to me and i like their jacket ill just say ‘wow that’s a nice jacket’ and unless i have something else to say i just let it rest. I realized after this it makes it easier as it seems like that social barrier kinda relaxes. It kinda of the difference between trying to break the audience and letting it thaw it out of time.
Do you feel you rather deal with your own issues than other people? That’s how I feel I’m always in my head. I stump myself or trip over myself. I only talk with some family.