I’ve (28M) been with my gf (27F) for over a year now and we’re planning on moving in together soon. We have a really strong relationship for the most part but I’m worried I won’t be able to meet the financial expectations she has for her life.
For context she currently makes 300k a year and I make 120k a year. She says she wants to one day be a full time stay at home mom. For the most part we don’t have financial problems in day to day life, I pay for all of our dinners and we go out frequently, I buy expensive gifts for bdays/Christmas/valentines day, and we’re able to travel a lot.
However the big problem is that she has a uncle who is an actual billionaire and a cousin who will likely inherit that money. This cousin (28F) lives an insanely privileged life and anytime we spend time with her my gf becomes really dissatisfied with her own life. For instance we had dinner with the cousin recently and a couple of days later gf had a serious conversation with me about how I need to be more ambitious and figure out a concrete plan to acquire over 100 million dollars.
Obviously that’s absurd but I do understand her jealousy of her cousin, and when someone is sitting in front of you who actually does have that kind of life I think it can obscure what is reasonable. I need to emphasize that there is a zero percent chance gfs uncle or cousin ever gives us a single dime. We have a greater chance of winning the lottery.
What I’m ultimately wondering though is if I should break up with my gf before we take the big step of moving in together? Her expectations of the future are irrational and I’m not sure I want to be with someone who will for certain be disappointed with me. Even if I do love her. Or is there a way to reset her expectations?
TLDR My gfs proximity to wealth has created unrealistic expectations and I’m unsure if I should continue the relationship.
10 comments
>For the most part we don’t have financial problems in day to day life, I pay for all of our dinners and we go out frequently, I buy expensive gifts for bdays/Christmas/valentines day, and we’re able to travel a lot.
How much would you say she has contributed to Couple Things? The same? Far less?
Because the fact is that she already earns two and a half times what you do; if she’s never once paid for anything because she expects you to ‘as the man’ that’s a pretty good idea of what you could expect if you stayed with her.
“ For instance we had dinner with the cousin recently and a couple of days later gf had a serious conversation with me about how I need to be more ambitious and figure out a concrete plan to acquire over 100 million dollars.”
Yeah, cause that’s a totally easy amount of money to acquire. /s
Your girlfriend is delusional. If you want to try and salvage the relationship, you can have an open and honest conversation on if this “requirement” of you making millions of dollars is really a deal breaker or not. If she says it is, bounce. But honestly, if it were me, I would’ve laughed in her face and bounced immediately.
She could be a full-time stay at home mom if she’s satisfied with a comfy upper middle class existence with 1-2 week vacations and a $300k house.
Otherwise her expectations are kind of crazy. She’s old enough to have a decent understanding of your and her earning capacity.
You’re planning on moving in together (don’t)? What’s the plan, were you going to buy, rent, who was paying what?
What are your expectations in terms of financial divide and earnings in a relationship and the dynamic? You don’t have to answer me this, but ask yourself and sit down with her and explain your position and your expectations. It’s okay if you don’t want to go chasing for money to give her the lifestyle she wants, and it would def be better to have this conversation before you move in
Disappointed is the least of your problems. The average income in the USA is half of what you make, you are well above that. This girl obviously grew up in a rich family and probably got a super high paying job due to the family as well. I doubt she earned it all on her own. The attitude seems to be all about money, its not love, its not happiness, just money.
How can you think thats ok?Do you really want to try and spend the next decade with someone like that? Notice I didn’t say the rest of your life, because theres no way marriage will last more than a few years with someone like that.
If she’s making a whopping 300k and not living a lavish lifestyle, she can easily retire early and be a full stay at home mom herself with one kid. I’m confused why are you paying for everything… where’s her pay going, is it being invested at least?
I mean. You two can do life financial planning as a team and be realistic about the future. If either of you two decides that the realistic financial or types of future for you two is not what they want, they end the relationship.
I think it would be healthy for her to remember that there’s always someone richer, always someone with a more lavish lifestyle and people only show their highlight reels.
What are her actual, tangible goals for the future? Do they mesh with yours? Is this just a pining for a life that seems so close and so far away at the same time? How can she express those feelings in a way that doesn’t put you down or what you’ve built together?
You two are old enough to really start planning what a SAHM looks like for her. My personal goal is to have a tangible plan for kids at 30. That means a plan for finances, each of our careers in the short and long term, health insurance and financial understanding and a timeline for trying. Might mean I don’t have a kid until 34 but I want a real, tangible plan by 30 so we can be prepared, especially for things like living on one income for a few years or one of us going back to school to get back into the workforce after kid(s) are in school. Also talking about what if we can’t have kids?
So yeah, I’d focus on what the realistic possible future looks like for you 2 and figure out if that’s what either of you want.
I say do to them what they have done to us. Your there strictly to secure the bag yea you can play along ofc go along for ride. But have something in place to where if it doesn’t work out, your not leaving empty handed
You yourself are making twice what most working families make as a whole. Your gf makes 5 times that?
You all will be fine. Otherwise you’re just being a weirdo.
First of all, you two make more than enough money to live a comfortable life. That’s just a fact.
I do, however, understand where you’re coming from. My mother is a lady with a demanding high paying job married to my father who makes a woeful $100K.
She complains every day how she wants to quit her job so bad but her husband doesnt make enough and she’s jealous of all the stay at home moms out there and her richer sisters.
Now, my father is a sweetheart who does everything he can to take care of his family (he cooks, he cleans, he sends the kids to school, he’s a real handyman) but the truth remains that his job doesnt pay enough to make his wife happy.
So what I’m going to tell you is hard to hear. This is never going to stop.
I feel so bad for my dad who works so hard and doesnt get the appreciation he deserves. In reality, $100K is a handsome salary and having a spouse taking care of everything at home is worth even more. Also, my mom is an ambitious lady and not a nurturing one. She’s a terrible cook. She doesn’t take care of her kids. She would never have made a good stay at home mom. But the grass is greener on the other side and my mom stays convinced that she got cheated out of her dream.
If your GF is dead set on being a stay at home mom married to a millionaire then she will never be happy with you. She will complain about it every day and make you feel bad about it. Even after you have kids together. Even after countless years of marriage.
Now I ask, will you be able to handle that? Will you be able to keep loving her and taking care of her like my dad does?
My advice to you is to let her go. The grass is always greener on the other side. Let her find out for herself what she really wants. Let her millionaire suitors disappoint her.
She’s lying to herself. There’s a reason why she’s with you right now. It’s because you ARE enough. You DO make her happy and you’re the best option for her right now. But she’s going to make both of you miserable by refusing to admit it.
She needs to stop listening to society and figure it out for herself.
How much money does she really need? Does she want to quit her job that much? Would she even enjoy being a stay at home mom? Is working part time ok? Would she be satisfied if you stayed home with the kids instead? I would also like to add that if you both work and invest wisely, she could probably retire early too. Tell her what you can offer and let her make the decision so she has no regrets later.