Men that have cheated, why did you do it?

33 comments

  5. I got a boyfriend and then girls started noticing me. It was an all round confusing time, and I only added to the chaos.

  7. Wanted to try something new. Needless to say, the relationship went bust thereafter.

  8. The biggest mistake ive ever made, but it was a long distance relationship and I was in college. It was a great girl though, my great white buffalo.

  9. You’re not likely to get many honest answers because of the inevitable pile on that will ensue.

    In fact, this comment is likely to result in a pile on.

    Edit: changed phrasing to more accurately reflect what I’m thinking.

  10. I broke up with a gal and she said “no”.

    Honestly I didn’t know that was possible

    I started seeing other people.

  11. I was really into partying and she wasn’t. We were both science majors and smart, we both loved running, it was great. But we didn’t have fun together the way I thought we would. A girl I was hooking up with the year before came onto me at a party, I went with it. Much regret.

    Never told her and a month later she cheated on me so I broke up with her. I was like 19, shameful.

  15. There was no love in the relationship, we were essentially cohabiting and passively hated eachother, but neither of us could afford to move out, and moving in with family wasn’t an option, so when I got the chance to actually feel something and had an opportunity with someone that did want me, I obviously took it, wasn’t like she wasn’t doing shit behind my back while I was at work, or like she moved in with the first guy that offered.

  16. Because you have grown so distant from your partner that it doesn’t feel like cheating. In fact, being with your partner is the part you feel guilty about. That is what feels like cheating.

  17. In a LTR, after having to ask for sex for years. Then having the sex that i did scrape up be the same 3 position in the same order. There was no oral for me though I performed everytime mostly because I like it. Never having her initiate or even show the slightest interest in intimacy(not just sex, but any kind of intimacy). Years of not being show any kind of value at all even though I was sole income source, and great father, and a helpful husband. After years of seeing that my only value was in the money I made. Told to pick up more overtime, (and spend more time away from home and the kids) after taking a little off because I was underfoot too much. I then worked so much 70 hours a week minimum, that I ended up spending a lot of time working directly with a very lovely lady. I was spending more time with her than with my wife and kids. She made me feel appropriate, and seen. She was kind and funny always willing to listen to how I felt and what I thought. We bonded and became very close friends, until one day it became more than that. For a few months I felt alive! I was happy. I was finally getting the emotional and physical intimacy that I had craved for years. Someone valued me for who is was and not what I could for her. I owe her so much for helping me see how miserable I was and that I deserved better for myself. She was the one that showed me that I was slowly dying in the life I was living. That is when I knew I needed out.

  18. Because she cheated on me, and I was too quick to forgive it without properly taking the time address and heal that betrayal.

    She did turn around and become a really good person and grow from it but uhhhh I regressed pretty hardcore lol.

  19. I was 18 and kissed another girl while drunk. I felt terrible and made my girlfriend (long distance) feel really shitty but she also understood it was more of a lapse than any sort of emotional or really even sexual violation. She was way too cool about it. I’d never want to do it again.

  20. Alcohol mixed with being wanted by someone beautiful. I know it’s not a good excuse and sure I’m an ass, but you wanted an honest answer and I’m sure I’m not the only one

  21. Because I was young and self centered and didn’t really love her and also on meth.

    Btw these don’t excuse cheating but they do describe the reality of my situation as a weak man.

  22. I’m gay. Was with a woman to try and tell myself I wasn’t. Wanted to make my family happy.

    I feel terrible for doing it and I still kick myself for not being honest about who I am because I hurt people.

    I did it more than once. I feel bad for lying to her and everyone and causing a lot more drama than was necessary.

    So yeah. I wasn’t able to be honest with myself which in turn made me a cheater. I’m good now but I still feel bad about what I did. Wasn’t right.

  24. I was young and immature enough to be susceptible to all the pop culture messaging that says being a player makes you “cool”. One night when I was out getting super drunk with my buddy, I met a girl and decided I wanted to be cool.

    Woke up the next day feeling awful. Came clean to my girlfriend. I was so impressed by her not leaving me, I decided to propose a few months later.

    After several shitty years and a divorce, I’ve learned 2 important lessons: (1) just because someone says the words “I forgive you” doesn’t mean that they actually mean it, and they could still bring up your mistakes years later every time you get in an argument, and (2) just because someone does one really amazing thing (like forgiving you), doesn’t mean you should ignore all the other unrelated problems in your relationship.

  25. It’s very addictive being wanted. Especially if you aren’t often. The shame makes it worse strangely enough. You can’t really talk to anyone about being tempted or even crossing the line. There’s no support system from your friends or family that tell you you’re an idiot. And being addicted it’s very thought telling yourself.

  27. Because I was trying to find value and my self-worth in sleeping with women. Growing up, I was far from being a ladies’ man. In college, I worked on myself to improve my self-confidence as all my life I had been longing to have someone who liked me back. All I ever wanted was to have a girlfriend. As my self-esteem grew, so did my luck with the ladies.

    Eventually, I was able to get a girlfriend, someone who was good to me, but I wasn’t satisfied. I continued to look for validation from other women, which turned into cheating on her. I thought that I had discovered self-confidence because I could be more social and was more outgoing, but I realized that on the inside, I was still insecure.

    Growing up in my family, there were no good examples of healthy relationships either. All my uncles were womanizers. This probably had an impact on me as well.

  28. I’ll fall on the sword here. You want an honest answer, so here goes:

    ​

    My wife and I started dating when I was 18. Things were good for a long while, and we had a pretty active sex life. One day, after over 2 years of dating, she felt convicted over us having sex before we were married. I asked, “is our not being married the only thing holding things back from being what they were”, and she said yes. I loved her, so I figured why not take the next step, and I proposed to her that Christmas.

    Fast forward to the fall when we finally got married, and nothing changed. On our wedding night, nothing. I figured we were both tired from the wedding and reception, so no big deal. For the first month afterward, nothing. I asked what was wrong and why weren’t we connecting, and she couldn’t give me an answer. This went on for months, and I started looking at porn more frequently to get a release.

    One day she checked my browser history and confronted me on my porn use. This turned into a confrontation about our lack of a sex life, and her inability to communicate with me what the block was. I tried candles and music. I tried nice dates. I tried massages. Anything my young mind could muster. It all just ended up with her just going to bed. I remember asking her what she expected me to do, since she didn’t want to have sex with me and she didn’t want me looking at porn (Not trying to justify porn, but I was getting nowhere with her). In the first 6 months of our young marriage, I think we had sex maybe 1-2 times.

    We tried doing counseling at the church we were going to, and we got nowhere with that as well. At this point, I think it was maybe 7-8 months of being married and things still weren’t changing. There was a woman I worked with that I ended up getting closer to because we worked in the same department. I was venting one day out of frustration and she expressed interest (it was a long time ago, so I don’t remember exactly what she said, but it caught my attention). A month or so later, she “jokingly” invited me to her house. I went, and we had sex. I remember feeling bad immediately after. I took the time to muster up the courage and confessed it to my wife.

    Naturally, she was devastated, and we took some time apart, but she didn’t want to leave me. We did counseling again, but nothing changed. At that point, I was ready to call it quits, and I told her as such. She ended up having a conversation with a lady at church that changed her mind in a way I couldn’t. We apologized to each other, and she acknowledged how her rejection on a consistent basis almost destroyed our marriage, and I apologized for doing something I knew would hurt her. I truly did love her, but I felt neglected, and because of that, I acted out.

    We’ve had a lot of ups and downs, but we’re still married to this day. I’m really grateful to the woman she talked to at church, because whatever she said to my wife made the lightbulb go off. Now that I’m older, sex isn’t nearly the issue it once was, but it almost killed our marriage.

    TL:DR: Wife wouldn’t have sex after getting married, and I met someone that would. I tried to get her to come around, but she wouldn’t until I cheated. She chose to stay with me and we worked it out. It’s been 15 years now.

  29. In retrospect, it was the Exit Affair/Fuck. I was in my marriage for 15 years, and had made a lot of sacrifices. I don’t regret them, I would have done them again. But my wife would repeatedly distance herself while dealing with some long-term lows of depression and not do the things that would help her get out, wouldn’t take my help, and our communication broke down. She became toxic with stonewalling me, there was a lack of physical intimacy, and she wouldn’t discuss our future together with me. I felt more alone in the marriage than I did when I would be in my own.I spent an evening with a stranger while I was on a work trip. I feel guilty for doing this but I realized how much our marriage broke. How far the gap was between what was going on and what I wanted, needed, and desired: emotional intimacy, love, and a partner. I was not the perfect spouse, none of us are, but the two of us had different goals and just didn’t function as a loving couple.I cheated, longing to feel desired, longing to have an emotional connection, and thinking that if I have one, that one time it will sustain me for a while. Instead, I realized my marriage isn’t sustaining me at all.

  30. I think for me it boiled down to being checked out emotionally but without the spine or backbone to end it

    The general excuse I use to make myself feel better about the shitty actions were we weren’t compatible anyway.

    But that had nothing to do with the damage I caused to the heart. I’m a little more remorseful and try to be considerate these days but I fully expect karma to come throw the egg on my face some day.

  31. My bf of 10 years cheated, the excuse……it’s my fault. I have terminal cancer and it’s my fault. He didn’t ask to have a gf with cancer, so…….I am leaving and living what’s left of my life without his lieing, cheating, alcoholic ass! They broke the mold when they made him….he’s a real winner!

  32. It was late and I was groggy, she initiated and I was lonely. Rationalized it out as we hadn’t been dating that long and had never actually discussed exclusivity, besides, it was only hand stuff. I was more providing a service.

    Older and wiser… for anyone who doesn’t know, cheating is not really about what you do. It’s about whether or not your partner would be upset if they found out and/or if you’re doing something that you’ve talked about not doing. Basically the problem with cheating is lying and sneaking.

    If you feel the urge to cheat it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. At the end of the day you either wanted something bad enough that you were willing to hurt someone you care about or you didn’t care about them at all. Either it’s time to talk.

  33. Immaturity, and self centeredness. My wife and I were almost “forced” to be together at the beginning because I got her pregnant while we were broken up. So the first couple years was really tough as I was about 18 and she was 17 when it all happened. We decided to try and make things work, which resulted in incredible toxicity for the first 3-4 years of my kids life. I made many mistakes and one day she got fed up and left me. I had never been closer to suicide in my life, losing my kid, my girl, my Pets. I’ll never forget walking into my once lively and energetic apartment to nothing but quietness and darkness. I screamed into my pillow for hours crying and beating myself up. It caused me to stand up, and do my best to become a better man. After a year of fighting to get her back, We have now been married for 4 years going on 5 and have accomplished so much together. I don’t even get the urge to cheat because the pain of losing my family is far greater than any temptation of pleasure could make worth it. I was blessed that my wife decided to give me a chance and let me show her I will grow. Now I am a multi-business owner, she owns multiple businesses, we have two kids now, and an incredible life to share together. I was very lucky to have that happy ending when many others, rightfully so, will cut it off and never look back.

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