Mid 30s f, mid 30s m and the kitchen

I need help understanding what is going on. Due to circumstances, he always comes to my place for now. That will change within a couple months. My kitchen is very small and two people cannot work in it.

Three weeks ago he asked if I would like him to cook breakfast. I said yes I’d love that. I was overjoyed. I’d been doing all the work and I get it, it isn’t his kitchen, not used to it, can be awkward, etc. So I was excited that he felt comfortable enough.

Next weekend, I made dinner Saturday and cleaned up. Had sex. Looking forward to breakfast. In the morning, I gave him a bj and then he says he’s hungry and asks for breakfast. I feel sad, but ok. So I made breakfast again. I also make dinner. I clean everything up. I talk with him about it, he says he messed up, he doesn’t know my kitchen, etc. I say ok. I figure he will make up for it next week.

The next weekend (this past), I had bought a mini coffee maker so he can have coffee at my house. I don’t drink it unless at work. I give him a bj, he falls back to sleep, and I get up, get him his orange juice and coffee, clean up the kitchen, and make breakfast since hes still sleeping. I clean the kitchen again. We go out for a hike, come back, he says he is hungry. We throw together a cheese and crackers and salami board while I cook dinner. He doesn’t touch the dishes in the sink.

We take a nap. I tickled him once he got up. He says I am mean and that I’m a jerk. I get really sad. I did all of this for him, and one instance of me tickling less than two seconds and that was the response I got. I started to cry, I didn’t want to part ways this way. He said I could come over. I said OK. Sex that night.

I give him a bj that morning (it’s now Monday, we work nights), and he gets up and makes me pancakes and bacon while I do the dishes.

I talked with him about what had upset me, why I was crying. Apparently to him he thought everything was fine and now it wasn’t and things are awkward, as if the problem is that things are awkward, not that hes not holding up his part of chores. I said, when I come over, I do the dishes while you cook so you don’t end up with a giant mess. He said but I didn’t ask for that. I asked should I be asking for you to do the dishes every time I cook? He said yes. I said OK, it’s hard for me to ask for help because of my past. It just works better if you step in without me asking because it makes me feel like a nag. And I felt awful for being called a jerk when I’m not asking to have an orgasm each time we have sex, I’m letting you just enjoy it and I’m enjoying you enjoy it, but I’m cooking and cleaning every single time you’re over, but I clean up over there, somehow I’m the jerk? He said he felt bad after he called me that. I don’t know why he wouldn’t just apologize if he felt bad immediately after having done it.

He says it will be easier if/once we move in, but the point of living separately is to make sure there is mutual respect and things are working relatively well. So far I’m just bending over backwards. I want more. I want to be treated well, not like a bangmaid and a sugarmomma that pays for everything.

So that’s where we are. I don’t know what to call this behavior on either of our parts? I just need him to step up. I don’t know why this is so hard. But it always happens this way, I want help and I’m eventually called a nag by some guy who wont step up. I just want a good, loving relationship. And breakfast. And not having a billion dirty dishes constantly in my tiny kitchen.

We have been friends for one year, in a relationship since mid february.

Tl;dr how to manage a relationship where we are always at my place and literally everything is on me, even him telling me that i need to tell him what i need when to me its painfully obvious. Why am I having to do everything???