My husband and I dated for nearly 6 to 7 years before getting married later last year. Most of our relationship was long distant so we never really slept together during the time or lived together. #brownhousehold
Ever since we got married and we have started living together abroad. We barely have sex. He doesn’t go out much, nor do I suspect him of cheating. It gets frustrating for me as during our relationship. He would constantly ask me to send pictures or smth.
Now even 20 days go by, we dont have sex when I am im the mood he makes excuses, that Im tired or sleepy or not in the mood.. And when we do (once in a blue moon, on my initiative obv). There is no foreplay. He gets on top on kiss 2, starts the deed with kiss 3 and is done by kiss 5. And when I ask him to give me some pleasure. He loses his erection and to it takes so much more time to restart him and after that his mood is all ruined.
It is depressing that I have to masturbate every other day just to fulfil myself. He doesnt care. I have lost my self worth, It feels disgusting to initiate it because after so many times of him turning away I feel like a disgusting person.
I asked him to go get a check up but he gaslights me saying Imfine, every guy is like that. You’re the one who is never satified.
But whenever I masturbate, I have more than 2 orgasms, intense ones. He shames me for getting a vibrator but Idk what else to do. I have needs too.
15 comments
Does he watch porn?
Sounds like he doesn’t understand what women need in bed and doesn’t want to put in the effort, that’s a common side effect of porn addiction.
If he’s willing to stop watching it, he’d have to go back to square 1 and learn how to please a woman first.
Porn addiction and PIED (porn induced erectile disfunction) is real and has serious side affects. I would ask some questions about that and research to see if those are some signs of what is going on in your relationship. I hope that’s not what is going on but I know from experience it really messes with the your self worth when dealing with this issue. DARVO is also common in relationships with porn/sex addicts.
Women buying toys extremely hot, he is just insecure, he can (and should) get over this.
He should get checked. I did, got on TRT and it changed my life for the better.
And no, not every guy is like this. Satisfying your wife is in of itself, a satisfying experience.
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My wife and I do play time (where the toys often come in) and then have sex when she is worn out. It does not matter if I am quick at that point. Its also not uncommon for play time to be all about her with no sex at all at the end. I’m almost 50, it happens.
I would be willing to bet that he also feels like crap about all of this, he is just handling things terribly.
You need to have a talk with him about other ways the two of you can have fun together.
>every guy is like that
No they are not. You can argue that point with confidence.
if someone tells you ‘i am fine’ that’s not gas lighting. that’s them expressing their feelings.
the dude you describe has a low libido.
sounds like he could do with a bit of instruction from you about how he can fulfill your needs.
He just sounds like he’s lower libido than you although it’s concerning he’s not willing to get you off with oral/fingers. Is he okay with you using a vibrator during sex?
r/hlcommunity r/hl_women_only r/deadbedrooms m
I wonder if his testosterone is low
Honestly, it sounds like he’s asexual. He probably hasn’t ever thought about it since we have had “all men are horn dogs” shoved at us since birth.
But yeah, sex may just be a thing with y’all. I would hope that after 7 years, you two have a strong base for a relationship without it. He does need to be less of a dick about you masturbating though. We all have our needs.
He probably is low on testosterone. Me (21m) and wife (22f) have similar problem. I want sex daily, she’s cool with having sex once a week. My wife has pcos/ thyroid related hormone issues so I try to be understanding as best as I could. He seems pretty selfish considering he doesn’t get you off before he does. I personally like to make sure my wife has a nut or 2 before I even think of letting myself cum. Took some self control training but if you care about your wife’s pleasure then it’s not a big deal. If you can’t get off from penetration alone (as most women don’t/ can’t) I’d recommend viabrator+ dick combo. Usually easy finisher. It does hurt not having a partner that burns with passion for you the same way you do for them. Always initiating and being the one caring the sex life is exhausting. Feels like living off bread crumbs sometimes. I read posts of people not having sex for months and I personally don’t think I’d be able to handle that especially at the age 21. Usually it’s men that bond through skin to skin intimacy. Don’t let him shame you for pleasing yourself, much better than cheating and you have needs.
He should also be screened for depression. Mental health issues can present this way for men. He needs to see a doctor because nothing about it is “normal”. Repeatedly talking about it is just going to make things worse though.
I’d stop talking about it completely if I were you and stop initiating sex at all. See how he responds. I’d also start talking to a therapist on your own to learn ways to deal with the lack of intimacy in your marriage. And tell him that’s why you’re talking to someone. Something has to give or he’s going to lose you.
I’m not sure where you are. In the West, I would recommend you both see a sex therapist.
There is nothing wrong with using a vibrator. Think of it as a back scratcher. Feels good.
Sounds like he’s getting fucked at work…. Just like the rest of us. This is sarcasm but also it’s true. If you have time to rub one out you’ve got time for at least a part time job or some chores. You gotta do something to stay busy girl, I ain’t throwing shade I don’t know you or your lifestyle so don’t get defensive. Just take some time to reflect. If there’s nothing to change in your lifestyle change the way you think about masturbation. We live in a time when productivity is the highest priority so there’s no shame in having to get your hands dirty. None of us has time for anyone else anymore and even less for our significant others so let that sink in. You’re a victim of our society not your husband stop blaming him and start working with him.
People are saying low libido. 20 days without wanting sex is not low libido. It is definitely a problem. Maybe hormones, maybe depression, maybe both.
I bet he’s addicted to porn
It sounds like you aren’t sexually compatible and you didn’t know that until after you married.