My (37F) boyfriend (36M) and I are having problems. I won’t go into details about the specifics, but there are elements to the relationship that I am starting to realize are toxic. The other night we had the biggest fight we’ve ever had. Enough that yesterday morning, I packed a bag and my cat and went to stay with my parents for at least a few days.
I have been a wreck. I keep replaying some of the hurtful things he said to me, but I also keep seeing his face yesterday morning when I left. I also feel guilty for uprooting the cat. Legally, the cat is mine, and I do the lion’s share of paying and caring for him, so if we ultimately split, the cat would come with me. But still, I’ve left my boyfriend all alone, and he doesn’t have family in the area he can turn to. There’s a big part of me that just wants to go home.
But I truly believe we need the distance. How do I resist the temptation to call or text him sooner than I should?
TLDR: Getting some distance from my boyfriend, not doing well with it.
1 comment
It’s difficult to give advice with such little detail but here’s what I’ve got…
Did you make a plan for your separation? More than just a number of days apart? Did you say something along the lines of, ‘I want to separate for xyz reasons, When I return I want to talk about xyz and come to a compromise/understanding so xyz doesn’t happen again. To feel supported I need xx, what do you need to feel supported?’ Then set a boundary: If x happens again, I’m going to walk away from this relationship.
And if it happens again you have to follow through.
You could also probably use a couples therapist to work through these types of dialogues. It’s much easier with a neutral third-party to guide the conversation.