So I male have been dating a girl for around a year. I love her so much but yesterday I was super drunk and while dancing with a girl she kissed me or we kissed I’m not really sure, the reason there is a problem is because I didn’t push the girl back until a few moments after. I know I must tell my girlfriend but idk how to approach it. When I say I was drunk I mean I threw up twice and was not really functioning even though I was conscious of 90% of what I was doing. I don’t know how to approach it as I cheated but I feel like because she kissed me I am not to blame here. Any suggestion will be greatly appreciated.
I personally feel terrible but some of my friends are saying I shouldn’t say anything. They justify this because I wouldn’t repeat it and I love my girlfriend.
Update: I decided to talk to my girlfriend about it. I told her that I got drunk and she kissed me. I should have put more barriers but I was way too drunk to process what she was going for until it happened. My girlfriend seems to have forgiven me for which I am grateful. Thanks to all the responses and opinions and I think this was the right thing to do.
TLDR: I got kissed by a girl at a club and idk what to do
8 comments
You might repeat it, if you do not change your drinking ways. If you love your gf, do you not think she deserves to know, about it, no matter how she may react?
Your friends are a bunch of amoral morons. You need better friends.
You ABSOLUTELY need to come clean, full story without blank spaces, nor you trying to excuse yourself. You spill out 100% of what happened and how it happened. You ask for apologies sincerely… and then you let her decide what to do, and if she dumps you, you accept it, since YOU screwed up. If she does not, you should be thankful and you will need to rebuild her trust, wich wont be easy.
And for the record, if you dont know how to drink, dont drink. You are young and it’s a stupid mistake, but you’d better learn from it.
In this case, I actually would not say anything. But know this: you get one. And this is it. Remember the shame and guilt you feel and use it as motivation to prevent something like this from happening again. Perhaps you need to learn to control your alcohol. Don’t dance with other women in the first place. Get your head out of your ass and treat your girl with respect.
An incident like this absolutely will happen again as long as you are wasted and dancing with women. You have already proven yourself to be incapable of maintaining boundaries. If you don’t learn from this, you don’t deserve her.
Better tell her yourself than worry about the possibility of her hearing it from elsewhere. Irrespective of how she reacts, atleast you’d know you’ve been truthful.
Gross, do the right thing and get std tested a couple weeks after remember they lay dormant. If you kissed your gf already well be prepared to pay for hers too. Pray you don’t got herpes.
1) Tell your girlfriend that she kissed you first
2) Tell her you were so drunk that you took a second to push her away
3) Stop drinking so much that you can’t function like a basic adult. Also if you love her, you need to not get this drunk again in the future.
If this played out as you say it did, the kiss was non-consensual. But only you can say for sure. If you are not sure the girl started kissing you, don’t put the blame on her shoulders.
So. Sit her down and tell her. Do it soon. There is a reasonable chance this will get back to her, and then you are truly screwed.
If this is indeed the story, you can say something like: “I got incredibly drunk, danced with a girl and we kissed for a few moments. I am not sure how it happened, and I am really sure I did not want it to happen, but it happened. I am really sorry. You deserve to know.”
And then let it play out.
And be careful with alcohol.
“….because you were drunk and could not consent, that means you were sexually assaulted. Call the police.” -Reddit (typically)…but you’re a man, so suck it up buttercup. Tell your girlfriend if you want to offload your guilt and pain onto her and end your relationship.