Alright I’ve been dealing with this my whole life and I’ve finally reached my breaking point. Through high school, let’s say ages 17-20, whenever I’d get with a girl who was extremely attractive I always had issues getting hard. Many of the times was due to drinking a lot prior to sex and suffering from some form of whiskey dick.
The only time I’ve been able to constantly perform is when I’m with a girl for a while, such as my precious GF’s, and I’m comfortable with them.
Anyways, I thought this was all in the past as my confidence has really increased the past few years and I overall feel like much more of a man.
I was staying with this girl the past couple days and I am really, really attracted to her.
She started feeling me up and we fucked for the first time for a few minutes; then my dick went soft and I was like what the fuck.
So we lay there for maybe 10-15 mins and he woke up and we did it again, we both got off and I thought that was the end of the problem. Wrong. We tried having sex a few more times that night and I either couldn’t get an errection or I’d get a half as errection and after 30 seconds of penetration he’d be soft and I’d just pull out and give up.
I thought morning wood would be my saviour but not even that could help me yesterday morning. Throughout the day she’d try to get me going, I’d be pretty hard, then after 30 seconds of penetration he’d go soft again.
This morning when I woke up she was laying there naked looking so damn good and all I wanted to do was have sex with her but my penis literally refused to get hard. I even tried going to bathroom and watching some vids of hot ass girls on IG and that didn’t help either. Keep in mind when I’m alone and I see these vids I get rock hard within a minute. Yet I’m sat there in her bathroom beating my shit watching these videos and my dick refuses to get hard.
This is like a cloud looking over me and I feel awful. I massturbate once a day but after this I’m going to stop for good. I am also a heavy smoker the past 7 years but I think this is what I need to finally quit. I am seeing her again Sunday and I am considering buying viagra to help me get my confidence back. All advice is appreciated
11 comments
You should really see a doctor that specializes in urology. Your way way to young to have ED issues
Sounds like performance anxiety. Once it happens once it gets in your head and it’s a reoccurring thing over and over. Best advice is to try to remain calm and take care of the things you can easily control like making sure you’re life isn’t super stressed, you’re exercising, eating healthy, etc…
Don’t beat yourself up when it happens and remember it’s most likely just in your head. If you’re really concerned about it it doesn’t hurt to talk to your doctor about it.
Edit/
Also you mentioned you couldn’t get hard like you usually do watching IG videos. Do you always masterbate with videos or images? If so then your brain is probably conditioned to get aroused by that. Cut out all forms of video and image stimulation for masterbating. Wait until you’re super horny and want to masterbate an then try using only your imagination.
> Many of the times was due to drinking a lot prior to sex
> I even tried going to bathroom and watching some vids of hot ass girls on IG and that didn’t help either.
You should see a doctor (if you can afford one of course) – to talk about this. The erection issues, and the drinking issue, and the needing porn to get hard issue.
If you are drinking often it can cause ED issues even when you are sober. Very least you should cut back
I agree that it sounds like performance anxiety, but I also think you are a person who needs to be comfortable before having sex. One night stands and hookups are likely not your thing. This is how I was. When I first started seeing my gf, I could not stay hard and the times I did get hard, I would go soft after short amounts of penetration. It took several attempts at sex through multiple occasions before I was able to do it successfully with her. I believe for me, that I just needed to be more comfortable and have more of an emotional connection with my partner before my mind/body would allow me to have sex fully. From what you describe, you seem like you could be in a similar boat. Keep trying and take it slow.
Hard smoking since 14? Really?
I am in the same situation with my current partner. Talk to your partner and take it slow. If you are honest about it and communicate your thoughts she will understand. It was a game changer once I gave in and talked to her about it. She was relieved to know it wasn’t lack of attraction. She has been supportive and gave me the green light to anything I want to do whenever I want to do it. It’s an instant turn on knowing I could have her any way I please. I found foreplay makes a huge difference too. PIV isn’t the only way to have sex. Enjoy the entire process. If you feel you’re losing it pull out and go back to foreplay. Toys, fingers and oral for her. Hearing her pleasure and feeling her body react turns me back on. Performance anxiety is all in our head. Let her touch your body while you pleasure her. Not necessarily your penis but your body in general. It’ll help you ground yourself and come back to the present. Turning out the lights and being in complete darkness also helps me stay in the moment. Seeing things distracts me when I start feeling anxious and makes me lose it too.
You are not alone. When I was 23 I had back to back meetups with women on bumble and tinder, both I found extremely attractive, and couldn’t get hard either time. One got pretty shitty about it and it really made me feel terrible. The other tried a few more times with me and we ended up hooking up regularly for several months, but it was 50/50 if I could keep it up.
Then several months later I met another girl to hook up, this time though we spent like 6 hours talking and getting to know one another. Most comfortable I’ve ever been around a woman (she’s my gf of 3 years now). Never had a single issue getting hard for her. That comfort of getting to know her and being comfortable around her were everything. Hope this can help, just get to talking for a while, share some intimate things about your life. Intimate conversation is the key to comfort around your significant other.
A lot of good advice above however I can see that most people are focusing on performance anxiety.
I would add you’re not getting morning wood which most men do. This could indicate a deficiency. Based on that it wouldn’t hurt to get your bloods done for peace of mind.
> The only time I’ve been able to constantly perform is when I’m with a girl for a while, such as my precious GF’s, and I’m comfortable with them.
That just might be how you work. At least for now.
> She started feeling me up and we fucked for the first time for a few minutes; then my dick went soft and I was like what the fuck.
Dicks are business partners, not employees.
You have to do what works. You can’t just tell it to work on your schedule.
Try not jerking off for a week before sexual contact. But if it takes 3 weeks for your dick to get used to a girl, that’s just where you are right now.
Depression can cause it. Performance anxiety can cause. Alcohol can either cause it or the opposite. My whiskey dick is getting an erection for hours and hours that is hard as concrete and cannot cum. Smoking is a HUGE cause. Masturbating too much sure can desensitize. Once a day isn’t excessive, but in conjunction with the other factors could be playing a part. I’d bring it up with your doctor. It happens but it could also be the sign of something else. I started to have issues and then found out I needed a bypass surgery. You’re kind of young, but there’s all kinds of issues that are hereditary, birth defects, etc. Best to find out immediately while it’s treatable and you’re young.