TL;DR my bisexual gf went home with a girl she is attracted to.
First off, let me state that my girlfriend is bisexual. We have our location shared with each other in case of emergency (it was actually her idea to share locations with each other). We have been dating for about a year and I’m moving into her house in a few months.
Anyway, she works at a bar and has told me that a new girl got hired and she also happens to be a stripper. My gf suspected the new girl might have a crush on her, as she gets very physical with her at work- grabbing her to dance, spinning her around at random times, etc.
She also told me that the new girl is attractive. I didn’t think anything of it at the time.
My gf and I are very open about things, we talk about our interactions where people hit on us and think it’s funny and what not. We have never been secretive with our phones, or have ever checked each others phones.
Anyway, we have a sort of deal going on where if she is working at the bar, I just ask that she lets me know when she leaves and is safe and what not.
Tonight I went to bed early because I was really tired and I went to bed with the peace of mind that she lets me know when she’s off and safe and stuff.
She texted me at 2:00AM asking if I was awake. I saw the text at 3:00AM when I briefly woke up for a second. I asked if she made it home. I checked her location and noticed she was at a home I didn’t recognize. She texted me a minute later and responded that she walked with the new girl to her house because she was at the bar after her shift drinking with her and couldn’t drive.
So basically I usually wake up and see that she is home safe or whatever, but tonight I woke up and she was in a persons house that she is attracted to. She walked 20 minutes through a bad part of town and was at her house. She only told me she was at her house when I asked.
I should also mention a few weeks ago she was showing me something on her phone and a message popped up from the new girl and she quickly tapped and responded with her phone facing away from me. I asked what that was all about and she said we don’t have to share everything with each other all the time. Even though we always have.
I moved on from it right away and haven’t thought about it until tonight… when I saw her at the new girls house.
I have always trusted my gf and we love each other very much and talk about marriage frequently and traveling and such. We have big plans. This is all a lot for me to take in and I’m confused and hurt.
Should I be worried about this?
15 comments
Yep dude, it’s cheating regardless of the sex involved and if you did this, she’d hold you to a higher level than she’s currently holding herself. Don’t make my mistake. I allowed shit to slide past my boundaries because of “love”. Love isn’t enough brother, empathy, respect, honour, peace of mind, emotional intelligence and truthfulness are more important than the feeling of love. I’m expecting my first child aged 38, my ex girlfriend who’s pregnant simultaneously wants all the support, emotional care, financial assistance, honour and gentleman like qualities from me without being a relationship with me, whilst she herself wants the equality of a feminist, the privilege of being a woman and the accountability of a child. Please, I’ve realised much, much too late, empathy, respect, peace of mind, emotional intelligence, truthfulness and honour are what I should of been looking for all these years and I am now co parenting with someone who has very little of any of those qualities. Protect yourself, act calmly, stand by your boundaries and walk away if she crosses those. Don’t get physical, record your entire conversation for your own protection (don’t post it, just keep it a few years then delete it) and calmly walk away. I hope you find a solution buddy.
How long did she stay at her house?
If she had been talking about a super hot guy at work who was behaving the same way with obvious mutual attraction and you caught her at his house at 3am after getting wasted with him after their shift, would that make things more obvious?
I would be cautious here and go through everything you’ve highlighted here. See how she reacts, is she responding to your concerns or trying to make you feel guilty for your thoughts? Is she being direct and empathetic or is she trying to shift blame?
Either way, this can be a trust but verify situation. I hope everything works out for the better.
She is cheating, and lying to your face. You should cut your losses. This is how much she cares about you, less then about fling with freshly met girl.
UpdateMe!
She is cheating and lying to you. Count yourself lucky she revealed who she really is before marriage and move on
Im sorry man. The biggest issue is that shes not acknowledging your concerns at all. For me thats the reddest flag. That emotional connection to you should come before whatever this new girl wants from her.
The way I see it is this. Since she is bi sexual, wouldnt her going to a girls place who is interested in her, the same as her going to a guys place that is interested in her? Whats the difference? So you have to ask yourself what are your boundaries? Would you be cool with her going to a coworkers house that is a guy that wants her, while you sit at home?
You got cheated on, at least you didn’t move in yet.
* New concerning behavior
* Hiding communication when she wasn’t before
* Disappearing to someone’s place who she’s admitted to being attracted to
Yes, she cheated.
Even if it does turn out to be relatively harmless somehow, at the very least this should be filed under “things to have a real conversation about.”
Cheating knows no gender. If anything happened or not, this is not what someone in a committed relationship should be doing.
Tell her you’re ok with it…. As long as you can join in.
Show up at the bar unexpected right at closing with a rose and wait outside for your gf to come out. Say you missed her. If she’s with the other girl, watch the other girl’s face and reaction. Also watch your gf and see if her priority is you or the new girl. You have your answer.