This is stupid but I’m 34f and don’t know how to get a boyfriend. I’m overweight but take care of myself and my health and in a cute dress and some makeup I feel I’m still pretty cute.
In my early 20s if I hung out with a guy a few days, had sex a few times there was a decent likelihood we would get into a relationship. I met my ex husband this way, divorced last year, and feel like I might be emotionally ready for a relationship. I’m very monogamous and if I’m having sex with someone I want it to be monogamous and essentially, a relationship. Last year I had sex with a few guys who ended up having 0 interest in a relationship. So I decided no more sex until I have a boyfriend. When a guy expresses interest in me sexually, lately I have told them I don’t want sex before a relationship they act like I just asked them out and get all weird about me “taking things too fast” when i’m just expressing my rule.
Essentially, I don’t know how to broach this or how to get into a relationship.
They used to happen very fast for me and I don’t know when it’s an appropriate to bring up the subject if I was dating. It seems like everyone wants sex but no commitment. I don’t know whether it’s me or not. I can’t help but feel that nobody wants me because I’m overweight, even though the men I’ve seen say they like bigger women. Other women get into a relationship at the drop of a hat but I feel like nobody wants me and I’m not sure why. I’ve always been a bit insecure about my appearance and not sure if it’s because I’m unattractive or what, i think I am decently cute but people have said mean things to me about my appearance and body so I just don’t know. Here’s a pic of me for reference:
[here’s a pic of me for reference. ](https://imgur.com/a/olSXbhT)
9 comments
hey wanna dm?
Most likely it’s your weight.
Don’t worry, im 38 and I don’t know how to get a GF so it works the other way too haha..
Anyway, I think you look fine! Do you use apps to get a date? Do you go out? Id start there, its all about getting out of your comfort zone, try new things. If your weight bugs you, hit the gym, try to loose some of it.
You could try to meet someone thru mutual hobbies, like, if you’re into photography find a photo club near where you live, join, see if that works out.
Wish you all the best and GL!!
Whats wrong with losing weight? Judging by your pic you could be very good looking if you did it. It would take 1 year max.
I think you look absolutely fine and I don’t think it’s your weight at all.
I do think it’s the sex thing – I think if you’re not open to it (even to some degree/definition of sex) by the fourth date then it will put people off. Part of developing a relationship is building a physical intimate bond. It’s also warm and fun so not wanting it might seem odd to people who are generally into sex.
I get that you’ve had some experiences where you didn’t feel valued. Unfortunately that is part of the process: after my divorce I had three relationships of 7-10 weeks each that didn’t work out. Then the fourth one did and it has been wonderful.
Of course you should date in a manner that suits your needs. No criticism at all. However if that manner doesn’t meet the needs of 90 percent of your target audience then you might have shrunk the pool to an untenable size. You might have to be ready to wait for a year or two to find someone.
And then if they are happy waiting for months for sex, wouldn’t you have concerns?
Age and secondarily weight.
A lot of people don’t want to commit without knowing comparability first. Including sexual compatibility. I am a woman and I would never commit without having sex first.
Is the only thing you want a “relationship”?
Do you know what you want your boyfriend to be like? Do you know what you are looking for? Because it sounds like you want the first guy that will commit to you.
I don’t know if the idea is appealing or not, but there is this dating app that’s centered more for “thicc” women. I’m on it mainly because it appealed to my “I like thicc, tall, and/or muscular women” because I’m just that weird
Knees firmly planted. Ass in the air.
You can literally do this anywhere and catch a man. It’s like bait.