Now hear me out I late 20sF now have a bit of dating experiences behind me.
For context I am a cute slim girl. I get stopped in the street and approached a ton at bars and stuff but it is bc I look nice and approachable with the girl next door kind of innocent look. I am not gorgeous model pretty or even above average. I put myself at average.
So I notice a guy I’ve seen in the past would just sleep with me, use me as a free therapist and lead me on OR tell me he doesn’t want a real and then date another girl seriously. I’ve encountered it as well with guys on dating apps asking me to come over and hang when we’ve never met and I obviously say no then next thing I know they are on a serious date with another girl.
OR they take me on dates in hopes of sleeping together then say they don’t want a relationship then get in a relationship a week later with someone else they were juggling.
A lot of times people will just say oh that guy was “avoidant” like fearing real intimacy and love. But the thing is they could be that way for me but not for a prettier girl. Most of these guys were tall and charismatic but not exceptionally good looking or anything. They had at least 2 options though if not more. The city Where I live pretty girls are a dime a dozen and men are average looking overall so even just being tall or funny gives you a million options.
I of course have also experienced guys liking me more than I like them. Maybe they thought I was “avoidant” but I think that’s BS. It’s usually that the guy is just using you and feels he can do better in terms of what men value most – looks.
3 comments
For girls, usually the problem is just who you are picking.
Dated a girl who sounds like you. You’d think she’d be in a stable relationship but she kept picking unavailable dudes like me because we are fun so she kept having trouble getting in a relationship. If you like a guy too much then start questioning yourself. That in and of itself would be a challenge. That’s why most women tend to get trapped in their pattern until it’s too late to make a change because they are too old.
A good relationship will be somewhat boring compared to your past ones. That’s just the reality of it.
In my case 4/6 men I dated are still single, so I believe they are avoidants. Now I can see a huge difference between dating them and dating a guy that invests emotionally. They were always fun. They never felt hurt by me, because they just genuinely didn’t care. They were very afraid of doing couple things together even like calling each other “baby” or even called me “a friend”. They compliment me in a superficial way.
But also what I’ve learned from it also – I tell men from the beginning that I want a potential relationship. Most men are honest and if they don’t see you as a potential girlfriend, they will be scared by it.
Maybe it’s the type of guy you are after. Now I’m not saying settle for less but maybe try giving the guy you wouldn’t have previously given a chance a chance.