I was on good terms with my roommate. Suddenly he stopped talking to me. I have a hunch he’s mad because I made noise at night. I asked him if this was a problem and text me if it happens again.
In situations like this is it good to try to get an answer why their behavior has changed towards you? Obviously it’s not good to force anyone to do anything, but should I try asking again or in a more direct way “what aren’t you talking to me as much as you used to?”
8 comments
Be direct. Listen to the answer and either change or look for a new living situation. You don’t want to be living in a passive aggressive nightmare world.
Although there could be a number of factors at play when someone’s behavior changes, it’s critical to handle the situation with compassion and empathy. Giving them space to open up if they feel safe doing so after expressing your worry in a non-judgmental and supportive manner is often a good approach. But it’s also crucial to respect their boundaries and refrain from pressing them if they don’t want to discuss it.
So annoying. My next door neighbot asked me if she bothers me. I said why do you ask that?
I had roommates once that went ballistic on me after we parted way. The whole time I was there I felt like you wondering if I’m causing them trouble. Walls are too thin I think sometimes. Even now where I am.
If they become rude yes i would ask what the problem is but if they just seem distant then id give them time and see if it gets better before prying
If your roommate isn’t ready to talk about it, pressing will annoy him, and give him a second reason to be irritated at you. Let him finish stewing about it then ask again. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, drop the subject.
I would not press him. Just be available and receptive if he does want to talk. It’s possible that it has nothing to do with you.
I always wonder about these situations, and most of the time my answer is, if you ask them about it and you don’t get an answer, then it’s their issue and not yours. Sucks that your room-mates though.. hopefully they come around.
I generally don’t mind asking. “I’ve noticed that you’re very quiet recently/not responding to messages/whatever, have I done something to upset you? I’d want to know so I could fix it if so” and if they don’t give you anything and continue to be weird, well you tried.