Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit. I’ve suspected I was bi since high-school. But my highschool would have been a bad place to experiment. So now I’m a grown man at 29 and I’m just now experimenting. I thought I was crazy and that if I was attracted to men it would be super obvious. Well..yesterday i invited a guy I met online over.
We made out for a bit then I went down on him(which was fun!) He went down on me(which felt really good.) We wanted to have sex but he was nervous and couldn’t relax enough for penetration. So then we just made out and jerked eachother off. I was shocked that sure enough I came super hard, that then caused him to do the same. We just chilled a bit after and then I took him home.
That feels like a clear sign I’m bi but it felt different, like not as straight forward or fun as sex with a woman. I don’t feel as attracted to all of him, like I would with a woman. And also I’m kinda freaked out now. I’ve seen the way gay people are treated, and I don’t want to hide who I am. I suppose I’m scared to be bi and that’s causing confusion. I’m hoping for insight from people who’ve had similar discoveries.
18 comments
Good news! Congratulations sir.
Maybe worry less about labels?
You can absolutely be bisexual but heteroromantic – i.e. you can enjoy sex with men, but only be interested in relationships with women. Bisexuality is a sliding scale, it doesn’t mean that you find men and women to be equally attractive in terms of either sex or relationship standards; it just means that you can enjoy sex with both.
Sounds like you enjoyed it, would like to repeat it, would like to even explore more (penetration). So… cool for you.
I consider myself to be heteroflexible. If someone prefers the term bisexual for me, I wouldn’t object. It’s just that for me, I have zero desire to seek out sex with a man alone.
My wife and I have done a lot of MFM threesomes. Up until a year or so ago, they were always straight – we would both play with her, never with each other. Well, she suggested that it would be hot for me and a guy to play some at a meet.
At first, I rejected it immediately – I had zero interest. Hell, I didn’t think I could keep it up with a guy. But then, I considered that she obliged almost any kink that I have, that I’d love to see her with a woman… so I gave it a shot.
A few times now, I’ve done some stroking or oral with a guy at a threesome, had them do the same to me. And frankly, it’s hot in that context. My wife is into it, the guy is into it, everyone is having fun. I still don’t think that a guy can get me off by himself; frankly, I’m more open to playing the him as opposed to him playing with me. Again, I can’t imagine ever wanting to just hook up with a guy – and holy shit, making out or holding hands with a dude has a similar appeal to me to, say, making out with a tortoise – but in a threesome, the sex stuff can be hot.
So I don’t fit your notion of what bisexual should look like. Again, it’s a sliding scale. But I fit there somewhere.
Congrats! The amount of potential partners just doubled!
Sexuality is a spectrum. Almost everyone is somewhere in the middle of 100%gay and 100% straight.
I can vibe with that. The good news about being bi is… you can pretend to be straight and it isn’t really a ‘lie’. On the other hand, yeah some people are dicks but the world is rapidly changing. You’ll be okay. Though, depending on where you live, this advice changes. Never endanger yourself by coming out. If you live in a country where homosexuality is illegal or persecuted, don’t risk your own safety.
Now, as far as the experience you had goes… yeah it sounds like you’re bisexual. Or maybe pansexual! Or something else entirely. Don’t fret too much about labels; they are only useful if you personally find them useful. Experiment a little, figure out what feels good and what doesn’t, and then just go with that. You said you were attracted to some parts of the the other guy; maybe you’d like a more feminine guy, or a more masculine one! Maybe check out some different types of porn to see if you can figure out what you find attractive.
Be kind, be safe!
Everyone is different. I like guys a little off and on, but I prefer women. Now that I am married I gave that up. I agree you do not have to label.
For now, don’t worry about labels. If it feels good and you enjoy it, explore. Many of us are bi and have had these feelings for a long time.
Welcome, welcome. Bi-pride all day everyday!
You have a sexual attraction to some males but women is more than just sex. You just have fantasy ( reason you came hard because is taboo) and horny. I will not worry about putting your self a label at your age over time you will know what you actually want . as of now consider your self a curious horny guy and just enjoy sex. If you live in large city you can have both worlds by dating transgender women
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I am in a WlW relationship, but can enjoy some time with guys occasionally. I don’t use the bi label because I couldn’t ever be with a guy, but it can be fun. Don’t know if you are the mirror opposite but just wanted to pitch in
a. You had sex. Some gay men don’t do anal. Some gay men do everything, but don’t kiss. Swapping blowjobs counts.
b. You don’t have to be attracted to everyone. Having a wider palate for straight straight women and being more gay selective is perfectly fine.
c. You should ask yourself if, when you find yourself with a long-term partner, you want to be in an open or a monogamous relationship. If you’re looking for monogamy, you might want to keep your bi-curious history to yourself.
For now, enjoy life.
As a Christian male here’s my thoughts. I state religion because it’s funny how people get pissed off and automatically write me off. So check this out and have a change of heart you damn bigots.
You are born the way you are. I love women only … why? I cannot explain this nor can any scientist on this earth. You are attracted to both sexes in different ways. No amount of shock therapy is going to “fix” or change you. There’s nothing to fix or change. Embrace who you are and be happy. Something I’ve never heard ANY church say which is, “Sins do not carry a different weight amongst them”. The day I realized that I was humbled and a whole lot less judgmental.
You are you … that’s it. Stop trying to justify your feelings with a label. You do you and do whatever it is that makes you feel good and stop trying to put yourself in a box. Boxes have limits 😉
Cheers!
All gay men are Bi because women are man for a man to want them! Just be you friend – forget labels and just go where your heart leads you.
Man! When I was in highschool i experimented. And was confused because I didn’t like everything. Nor was I attracted to me. But liked one or two sexual things done to me. Finally accepted that bisexuality is a spectrum and that it’s okay. back then. Yes ppl were treated way differently. And the gay community. Is still treated a little differently but always accepted especially in the community. And if not. Fuck em. my moms response when she found out 14 years later wasnt as I wanted. But my response to my daughters well. Was warming and accepting. First. You have to be sure and accept it yourself. the rest will fall into place.
Give yourself time to take this all in. Congratulations on coming out to yourself and exploring this part of your sexuality. 🥳🥳🥳🥳
Some men have a hard time adjusting to allowing themselves to be attracted to men. They might tell themselves it’s just the dick the want. It’s a whole thing with bi guys, because you’ve had a lifetime of romantic interest in women modeled to you and heralded by the cishet media machine and most of the time you encounter men loving men relationships, it’s sexualized. You didn’t get bombarded by media full of bi men loving each other. It takes a while to adjust what possibilities you can see and what you allow yourself to feel.