I (26) need advice on heartbreak and picking myself back up. Was he (29) wrong?

Instead of typing out everything here, I’ll post a link to my old post:

/r/dating/comments/11mu123/been_into_this_guy_and_now_im_confused/

So an update on that situation, it turns out he actually restricted me from seeing his Instagram stories. I decided to go off on him, called him a fboy, a p — for not having courage to be honest with me and a bum. It’s really how I felt and I did have a reason to be super angry. ( Didn’t I? ) He sends me a long text saying I’m a great person and amazing to be around.

So I spoke to him after that saying that I was sorry for what I said. However, he refuses to forgive me for calling him those names and doesn’t want any type of relationship anymore. A part of me wasn’t okay with that at first because I wanted him to understand that he hurt me and I was trying to help him through his depression, despite him worsening mine. But he told me to stop and let him be. So I just got a reality check after that and told him that he hurt me and I did nothing wrong and that he’s trying to gaslight me into thinking I’m a bad person. I did nothing but care about him.

So ladies, I just have a few questions.

• Do you believe my actions/reactions were justified?

• Have you ever been in this situation before? How’d you feel? What did you do?

I’m a Black, 26 year old woman, who has never had a relationship. Now I didn’t start dating until I was 18 and it’s always situationships. I took a break from dating after 2018 and decided to give it another chance starting in 2022. I want a relationship and I know my standards and my worth. I think with this guy, I knew he wasn’t right for me and I should have went with my instinct. I get sad at times about being older and never having a committed relationship. People tell me that this is really nothing to be insecure or sad about, but I am. Any woman who can relate to this, too?

I think now I just want support. I’m not going to do dating apps anymore and I’m going to attend at least 1 – 2 events every week. Whether it’s out with friends to an event, an event at my college or the young adult group meeting every Friday at my Church. My depression got really bad with this situation and just feeling… like is it ever going to change. I even questioned God and why he won’t answer my prayers and send me someone. But I also told him to remove the guy if it wasn’t right and he did that for me. So I do think God hears me now. But why isn’t He sending me my person?

I’m also in college and I got so depressed that I couldn’t do my midterms or even any of my hobbies. I want to focus on school again and working out and making more friends. I really need to get A’s and B’s this semester, especially. But also because by 31, I want to have also gotten my M.A.

• What do you ladies do to build yourself back up?

• What does it even mean when people say don’t look for love, love will find you? So do I not approach guys?

I’ve been in therapy since 2018. I’ve done so much work on myself, even took antidepressants. I’m going to speak to the psychiatrist tomorrow to increase my dose. Today I had a breakdown and really was going to go to the ER per my therapist’s advice. That’s when I knew I needed to take a step back from dating. I’m losing myself. My focus. My purpose it feels like. It doesn’t feel right at all.

TLDR: It’s best to read the whole thing to give me advice, but if you can’t — then, how do you handle heartbreak? Guy and I dated, said he can’t be in a relationship because of depression. We became fwbs instead. Had sex. He disappeared. I cursed him out. Now he says he wants no relationship with me at all because I cursed him out. How do you handle heartbreak of this? Was he wrong? Was I?