i (25f) communicated that his (28m) way of talking and saying certain things is hurtful during a fight on a misunderstanding, and he should apologise.
He concluded that I want to change him, how he’s never good enough and that he’s a man and he will not apologise.
I am confused and triggered.
edit; hi, everyone. i am really overwhelmed and a bit sad as well, but thanks to each of you. i finally gathered the courage to break it up. it’s painful but i hope i have the strength to shift that focus on me and things get better.
the end conversation was really ugly, and i wished it was different. but, thank you all so much. means a lot! xo
13 comments
Ask yourself if you want to associate with someone whose ego is so big they’re not willing to apologize if/when they’re in the wrong. If this was over something “small” imagine how the bigger arguments could possibly play out.
It’s not confusing. He never sees himself as doing something wrong. This is classic textbook narcissist behaviour. Are you married?
He is not a man. He is toxic and acts like a child.
Are you happy?
Be thankful that this clear sign to you is being made. It’s a gift. Don’t waste it. Your man is literally telling you that he’s a prideful idiot who thinks more of his fragile toxic masculinity rather than making things right with you.
But I’m worried you’re going to waste more of your fleeting youth with this emotionally challenged gorilla than is absolutely necessary.
You deserve someone who treats you with respect and compassion all the time. Not 70% of the time, or even 99% of the time. All of the time.
Why are you with this person? Seriously, why?
Is this your long distance partner who has been less than enthusiastic about you moving closer?
Never mind, just seen that it is.
I think he is looking for a way out and he doesn’t have the balls to end it himself. Just move on – he’s not worth it.
Yeah, no. This is a dealbreaker for me. “He’s a man”??? Frankly, due to his attitude, I would say the jury is still out on that one.
An apology is admitting to wronging someone and taking responsibility for it. Your man just told you that he’s never responsible for anything he does wrong because he’s a man. And for you to ask him to take responsibility for what he says and does is changing him. Hell yeah it’s asking him to change. It’s asking him to take responsibility for his own choices and acknowledging that there are consequences for them. It’s asking him to become an adult.
I’d be upset, too, with someone telling me that they’re too manly to take responsibility for themselves.
Good ol’ toxic masculinity.
Without context, he’s not respecting your feelings and he isn’t willingly to budge on that. Not sure if you wanna settle for that.
Tell him damn right, you’re trying to change him from a douchebag to not a douchebag lol.
He is putting his ego above you, that’s not going to get anyone very far in any relationship and think of the applications of that way of thinking it can go down very dark paths. Give him some space and see if this comes around, in the meantime I’d be questioning this relationship.