idk what i’m doing wrong all my friends seem to get women just fine and i’m just an outcast and don’t ever get anywhere beyond “hey my name is _____ what’s your name” then it ends and we both walk away. it never leads anywhere. i always get nervous in public especially when talking to the other gender. i’m beginning to think something is wrong with me.
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Remind by saying lmk to this so I can give you advice when I have time that helped me get women at 19 (had at 15&16 too but after age 17 I became a antisocial & anxious person). Before I go ( not much time) know that sex isn’t as good as they say although fun there are better things out there and I’ll lyk some that also will help you converse as your true self & anxiety free w/o any chemicals. Got to go now
Genuine connection DEMANDS authenticity, and that doesn’t come from putting other people on a pedestal. (Whether that be men, women, etc.)
This is what I’ve learned about holding conversations with people & building rapport. The most authentic and free-flowing conversations happen when you aren’t judging yourself for every little interactions you have with others. Of course, you want to have some social boundaries. But within time and once you really click with someone, walls will start to come down and you’ll be able to have more intimate and may I say, VULNERABLE connections.
My advice to you is:
1) Tear down the pedestal. Treat talking to women like how you would build friendships with other dudes. When you IDEALIZE women, your interactions with a women will mirror how YOU view women, not actually how we are. (And keep in mind that all of us have different personality traits & interests.) When you treat others with the emotional & fantastical image that you’ve conjured in your mind, this is very unfair to the other person because it confuses and pressures that person to fit an unrealistic portrayal of themselves that does not match up to how they are really. (E.g. you’ve conjured up this image that this woman you met is incredibly kind, loving, and will always listen to your problems when you’re having a bad day. One day, she became very busy and could not tend to your needs and you became upset over this fact. You decided to rant to her about how you thought she was understanding and would ALWAYS do whatever they can to cheer you up. Now she doesn’t feel like you value her personal schedule and time outside of chatting with you.)
2) Focus on forging GENUINE connections with women instead of the physical/intimate side of dating. Get to know her, share some of your interests, ask her about her hobbies, what she likes to do in her free time, etc. This will show that you actually care about the other person in the relationship. In this way you can begin building interdependent connections with women, which can gradually lead to romantic relationships.
3) CONFIDENCE IS SEXY. This factor is one that’s more biological but most people would agree. People ARE attracted to others that bring out qualities that they wish they had themselves. Don’t be so hard on yourself, I am sure you have hobbies, interests, and values that a lot of women can relate to and be attracted to.
When you use words like ‘made out with a girl’ I feel they way you view and talk to women would be the same. A better way to say it would be ‘kissed a girl’. Therefore consider the words you use when talking to girls and don’t use the same talk that you would around your buddies.
Start by taking to girls you aren’t attracted to. You can learn social skills this way and make a friend. There is also less intense feelings if it doesn’t go well.
Stop putting women on a pedestal. They are humans too. Talking to women is a special case of talking to people in general. Stop seeking their attention, validation, approval, or reassurance. Instead, Genuinely connect with them in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what they say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.
Idk talk to me, I’m a woman?
Most women don’t want to be seen as someone to hold hands with / to make out with as a first, we’re just normal humans. Be a friend first. Don’t even think about the sexual stuff. We’re just people. Talk to us as if you talked to a male person. 🙂
Just give her a cheeseburger then say you like her hair do. Boom problem solved