So I have a couple friends that I’ve been trying to hang out with for almost 2 years now but things happen and we’re all busy with school, work, family etc.
Regardless, we do catch up by text from time to time. However I’ve been really hating the texting lately because I haven’t seen them in almost two years now. I haven’t heard them laugh, talk, see/hear how they’re feeling. Ironically, the texting often leaves me feeling even more disconnected from them. I don’t blame them at all because like I said we’re all very busy and I am finding it harder to make friends as I get older. I just wanted to see if anyone else has felt like this.
Thank you
11 comments
How about just calling out of the blue next time you think about them?
That’s normal. In college I took an introductory communications class, and we learned about how we lose a lot of the richness of communication when it’s over text instead of in person. Tone of voice, pauses, facial expressions, body language… all that stuff actually adds up to a startling amount of information you don’t end up receiving over a text conversation. Maybe just ask them over text if they’d feel like catching up over Zoom or a phone call?
No one’s that busy they can’t ever make time for good friends. Especially in two years. The reality is neither party wants it enough or both parties have poor social skills. I understand busy periods and certainly have that with my friends where a month or two might go by, but if you can’t find an hour here or there for a coffee, walk or lunch, then you’ve really slipped into more of a friendly acquaintance. Only reasonable excuse would be if you lived in different states or countries.
I have some people I only communicate with via text but they are long distance. If I I COULD see them and they didnt want to, Id just be annoyed and stop thinking they are friends
Some neuro divergent people with differing thinking and communication styles (or people who are feeling tired, stressed or overwhelmed or simply have a lot on their plates) may find it a lot less stressful to text in some instances. Prearranged telephone meet-ups can be a lot less stressful for those who dread the unexpected phone call.
I can’t fully relate it but one of my friend somewhat feels like you. She says we’re more like a online friend . We don’t hangout . We are only active in chats instead of being face to face experiencing real emotions of each other… so she do sometimes get tired of texting. … but for me It really doesn’t concern me because as you’ve said we all are now busy in our own life(different responsibility , different colleges) so I think it’s quite difficult to hangout when our college doesn’t even give any vacation and each person has different day off and we all live in 1k and 1k km far away from eachother as for now . And TBH I don’t want to be closer than this with my loving friend circle because I know we all are going through the phase of our age where we are more opinionated, stubborn and are not ready to be feel disrespected even as a joke and I don’t want to ruin my circle with negetivity and grudge. I THINK WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU ND YOUR FRIEND IS ALWAYS THERE FOR EACH OTHER WHEN YOU NEED THEM AND YOU ARE SURE THAT HE/SHE WONT EVER DECIEVE YOU is the real key no matter on what age you are .
Hmm I mean at this point I would not think they really want to be friends or at least they don’t really prioritize you that much unless there is some other underlying reason. Personally I would call them on it and try meetup, and if they don’t prioritize them. It’s not normal to see close friends for so long.
My son and his girlfriend have just started coming out again after Covid-19. They are both introverted and newer got it.
We were seeing them outside at about 20 foot distance twice a year.
Some people are having a tough time going back out. They also live in an area where cell service is weak, and this adds to a lack of phone conversations.
Just reach out by phone. Ask for a video call if possible. I’ve been doing zoom and teams meetings with people from work and have created new relationshipss this way.
You could use zoom to rekindle relationships.
If your friends were too far to visit would you feel the same? I haven’t seen most of my friends for at least 2 years, some of them even longer, but we text often. Demanding their physical presence means I need to be willing to rearrange my schedule to accommodate theirs and that’s just not practical, so being upset with them because they’re not coming to me isn’t very fair. Just being able to connect even by text is rather special especially if they’re doing it regularly. Might I suggest you either reevaluate what it means to be a friend and have a discussion with them about it. It might be you need a different set of friends.
With the COVID situation many people haven’t been connecting in person, but even before that I’ve had friends that I’ve gone years without seeing in person who would (and have) dropped everything to come to my aid. Currently I have friends who make it a point to check in daily even though we don’t see one another. I’m no less important to them not them to me just because we’re not together. Having kids, a full time job, going to school, taking care of elder family members etc can prevent face-to-face visits, and that’s without discussing mental or social issues that are preventative.
I really understand this! For us, we video called all the time during lockdown when we had college online and it was great. Now, we’re all graduated and working in the same small city, but my friends are so content to just video call like once a week and never actually meet up. I’ve really come to value in person contact, and completely virtual friendships are just not satisfying enough for me. I’m making peace with being the one that has to organise and push everyone to do something in person. Its so frustrating that they don’t feel that need to meet up, especially when we really have a great time when we go out! But its that or I really wouldn’t be able to have my best friends be online friends, it just isn’t enough for me
Maybe you could make plans with them 4-6 weeks in advance, throw out some dates and find one everyone can agree on.