Wasn’t ready on 4th date and now its over
Been on 4 dates with this guy 28M over 3 months due to mutual travel, made out starting 2nd date, 3rd went to his place after and made out clothes off on bed, on date 4 some weird things happened. He knows i move super slow as I broke off a 7 year relationship/am and never kissed outside a relationship. 2nd date when i asked he said that he was “open to anything” but 3rd date he said “relationship is low priority” but that he feels a strong emotional connection with me.
First weird thing is during kissing he accidentally very quickly said ‘i love you’ his voice went lower when he said you, and he didn’t acknowledge at all, so i think it was just an accident based on his happiness of moment (or he was thinking of an ex?) During date we had underwear on but that’s it and he had touched me above my underwear, keeping to all my boundaries super well and super kind. but then at end of date he said i should play with him now. I said i wasn’t ready and didn’t know him well enough yet (I think i was just off guard by fact he doesn’t text much in between dates, revealed he likes shooting/hunting and im a vegan, and some things that he said that implied he’d prefer all dates to be near one of our places for private time after) but he kept saying that i indeed was ready and i’m a grown woman. I then agreed to over the pants, but did dirty talk to make up for the lameness which accidentally gave wrong impression that i wanted to suck his dick. He kept saying please please just suck me a little please just one suck, I said i’m not ready back and forth. Finally he apologized but said the misunderstanding was because i literally said this as part of dirty talk, which I agreed but i did seem visibly upset. but i had to rush to the lyft lol
Anyway, unlike all other dates, he didn’t make any plan to see me again at end, and didn’t text until next day just a great to see you. no plans for weekend, so its clearly over given how in past he’s re-arranged major travel dates to see me during times when we were on/off in town and arranged dates a week in advance. now we’re both in town, and nothing. i feel heartbroken and wish i just would have given him head. i like him so much i just froze up in the moment. I’ve never touched someone besides my ex. Plus, I would have wanted a conversation about STD/exclusivity as I feel like he has several partners due to how he disappears when he travels, and he thinks masks was a joke for covid so i was too scared to ask him for STD test. And i do not think he’d share info this or agree to be exclusive due to his insistence last time that having fun with him and hanging out with him would be good for me. i think he just saw if in 3 months i wouldn’t give him a proper hand-job, pursuing me was no longer exciting/didn’t make him feel good about himself. i made it horrible and awkward and now its over 🙁
i miss him 🙁 we were so excited to see each other again, then this happened, now its over. i miss him.
context: he’s very handsome, interesting, brilliant, wealthy went to boarding school, degrees from top school in country…
8 comments
Do you miss him? Because I’m finding it hard to believe a guy who says I love you after a couple of dates and pressures you into sex acts is so irresistible.
yeah after 4 dates and no sex it will be tough to sustain these days, especially if he has other options. it seems weird because you keep saying “clothes off”. if you didnt want sex then you shouldnt have taken your clothes off and engaged in dirty talk as that is very mixed signals. you worked this guy up and he ended up begging you to suck his cock and you declined. advice is to not let things get that far in the first place unless you plan to get him off.
NEVER regret upholding your boundaries. It kinda sounds like this guy wanted to use you and is upset that he couldn’t. When someone tells you a relationship is “low priority” it usually means they want the sex without the expectations. Don’t get blinded by the material/superficial stuff like handsome and wealthy with fancy degrees, none of that means he’s a good person.
Plus, you protect animals and he kills them? Don’t waste another minute thinking you’re missing out.
Sounds like he was just after sex and 4 dates is his cut off for investing in someone if they don’t put out.
You are right to stick to your boundaries and nobody should coerce you and guilt you into doing anything you’re not ready for.
Also well done on not giving oral if he hasn’t tested for STD’s.
You can wear a condom to stop vaginal diseases but you can’t hide the signs of disease in your face if you pick it up from unprotected oral. I mean he could wear a flavoured condom but they still taste fucking awful in my experience.
When you said that you were on the bed with clothes off, I assumed he was too but and then you’re saying you’re the only one naked, and he was still having his clothes on.
I don’t know, I just feel like once you’re all naked like that, and you still don’t actually have sex, it just seemed like a big lead on.
Granted it should be within each person’s boundaries to be able to be naked and not have sex , but I’m sure a lot of people think that if you got to that stage , there’s going to be sex, and if there’s not sex, then why keep pursuing this relationship. They don’t want to force or coerce you to have sex , but they don’t want to be waiting for it either, when you show that you’re okay with many things up to the actual penetration.
Meaning That there’s a hang up on the penetration with penis part but no problem with penetration using fingers/ hands or maybe even mouth/tongue.
So I’m not saying that’s the reason why he’s slowing his communication with you but it possibly might be.
It’s okay that you say no to sex and it’s okay that he moves on because of it.
You have that boundary and you got to date the guys who respect that boundary, and still want to be with you despite it.
He doesn’t REALLY sound like a great guy.
He didn’t even text much in between dates.
Also, vegan people can date people that choose to eat meat (I mean to each their own) but as a vegan dating a hunter? Girl
Honestly sounds like you’re not missing anything worth having. He doesn’t seem to have much respect for you.
Oh my gosh he sounds awful, like a terrible match for you, and like a user. Good riddance