I’ve had a problem of being too sociable and too gregarious. I call it a problem because it tends to attract everybody (but mostly the wrong people) and I’ve been described as a “people person” or someone with a lot of charisma. I’d consider myself a loner who just wants to be left alone.
It’s a problem because most of the people that congregate around me tend to be users, narcissistic, or they put down other people— or they want someone to perform to. They want someone to react or mirror their every emotion and it’s just exhausting. If you know, you know.
I’m starting a new job tomorrow and I just want to know how to be genial, or decent, but not too inviting by default. I don’t want to meld my personal and professional life by going out for drinks or playing games online, because once you decide to not go out anymore problems arise. I have seen what happens in the workplace (and in groups of people, in general) all too often when people’s attempts at connection or wanting to know too much about you are outright rebuffed or avoided.
Does anyone have any advice?
4 comments
Keep conversations work related or surface level. Don’t talk about personal stuff and if others do, listen but limit your feedback and change the subject back to work.
The standard response:
*”I don’t talk about my personal life at work”*
Then change the subject to something mundane like the bad weather, last week’s game or movie you just saw or like to see.
Standard response → Change topic → Entertainment/Sports/Weather/Work
You may have anxious attachment issues which is a fear of abandonment and insecurity of being underappreciated. This usually results in needy or cligny behavior and lack of self-esteem. People with this style overly worry about being rejected socially and strongly seek approval. They also have trouble setting and respecting other people’s boundaries. They are overly concerned with their social relationships and the state of others. This often happens if your parents gave you inconsistent attention and approval so you were constantly trying to find ways to get their validation.
When people ask me about my personal life at work, I tell them to tell me about theirs first! Typically they tell me something that can help me change the subject.