So some context. We have been together for 11 years.
My husband has been hinting at me to get a boyfriend for a while. And last night he told me all jokes aside he thinks we should try hooking up with other people. I thought it sounded exciting because we both have been busy and boring lately so long story short I agreed and was pushing him to go out and have fun but under the pretense of it’s an experiment and we will see how we feel after.
I woke up this morning and saw in his email he signed up for a dating app and my stomach dropped. I felt sick to my stomach about it and I immediately told him how I felt.
He was annoyed and pissed off that I changed my mind and kept accusing me of backpedaling and only agreeing because he brought it up.
I told him I was on board with it till I saw that and then I knew how I felt. That this told me what I wanted.
He has been ignoring me all day now and I have asked him if he wants to talk and he told me “no I dont care”.
I’m not sure what to say or do at this point.
31 comments
Sounds like he needs to grow up. If you were clear about it being an experiment, then he shouldn’t be mad that you found out before either of you slept with anyone else.
Honestly, it’s better to know now than after.
Maybe instead of seeing other people, you both try putting that effort into reviving your relationship.
Maybe try swinging or swapping if sex between you is the main issue.
Well that’s just mean. He should respect your choice no matter what, especially being as how it made you feel just seeing the email. While I can understand his frustration to a point, it’s unfair to treat you like that. Honestly it kinda sounds like he wants it for the wrong reasons.
This situation is the definition of ‘two yeses and one no’. He can sulk, but if he truly loves you and wants to remain with you then he has to respect your decision and feelings.
Honestly he is acting like an immature child.
I am so sorry, if he can’t deal with your simple emotions now it will be a complete and utter disaster when you actually start dating.
This has so many red flags , think carefully and don’t be manipulated.
Honestly, this completely reeks of him wanting to cheat on you but not feel guilty about it. The funny thing is I would bet a million if you went through with it and you ended up getting more dates than him he would be even more pissed
It’s possibly he is already been hooking up with other people and he just brought up the open marriage to cover himself.
He’s clearly already talking to others and wanting this – he wants to cheat but not get caught.
I’d say “cya”!
Ugh. First of all you don’t go from saying yes to a open relationship to going to find someone immediately. You’d need to discuss rules, boundaries, check in points, and the like. It’ll never be a successful open relationship without those aspects.
Your husband didn’t want an open relationship. He wanted your permission to fuck other people and do what he wants.
Time to divorce.
He was quick off the mark wasn’t he.
Does your husband understand what ethical non monogamy is all about? Has he done his homework? Does he understand that you may find more partners than him and if that happens and he gets upset and then wants to close the relationship, you are going to refuse? Many cis men who are eager to get into an open relationship—thinking they will be making out like bandits, are unpleasantly surprised when they find out that it is far from the case. Once that Pandora’s Box is opened, the relationship is changed forever.
His reactions screams that your relationship is not cut out for open marriage. That requires 100% trust and respect for both parties’ boundaries. He can even respect your first, understandable, shock reaction..
Start getting your ducks in a row and talk to a lawyer, or marriage consoling!
he just wanted to cheat without the consequences, leave him
You did backpedal but that’s your right as an equal partner in this relationship. Tell him would you rather have me put this to bed now or divorce him after he hooks up and makes you jealous.
Try spicing it up together rather than looking elsewhere.
He’s gross. You can do better.
Here’s what I suggest, you open your relationship, have yourself some fun, mourn the end of your marriage. All the while getting yourself prepared for a smooth divorce.
Save some money, consult a divorce lawyer, get yourself ready. Leave him when you have all your ducks in a row.
Guarantee he already has someone he wants to fuck and just wants your permission.
This is a tough situation, but might I suggest swinging? My wife and I have been doing it for a few years now and it’s brought us so much closer. It’s not for everyone but it’s also something to think about. Imo it’s better than the open relationship thing because we do it together. We did not enjoy open marriage as much as we thought we would.
Yeah it never works. He just wants to pork some chick meanwhile you’ll get lots of attention and both regret it. Just don’t
This is what happens when people think of adding other people in in their life for sexual trysts when it was ill thought out and planned. Your head was so far into the excitement you thought it would be, that you did not pause to think about the reality of it, the jealousy factors, the thought of your man in the throws of passion inside other women, putting his mouth all over their body, heavy necking. Did he stop to think of different men all over your body, licking and sucking on you all over, up inside you and such, and if he did so, does he care?
What made you think this was a great fix for a boring stagnant marriage, and bedroom? If you two even bothered to do any real research on this subject you would find that poly and open couples always warn that this should never be used to fix issues in a marriage, and will ultimately ruin rather than fix. What happens if either of you catch unexpected feels for a sex partner? Did you two even bother to talk about that, and how you would deal with it?
Now he’s all pissed off because you changed your mind. He needs to grow the fuck up. To have his mind so set on fucking other women that he would be this angry, and pull the silent treatment act on you, that says quite a bit about him, and it’s nothing good. Feeling some disappointment is one thing, but to act like this? To want strange women this badly? Yes, your open marriage undoubtedly would have submarined your marriage; that is, if you two didn’t already set your marriage on the fast track to destruction just by agreeing on it, and bringing this extra shit in your already troubled marriage life. Most couples figure out ways to spice up their bedroom without adding other people into their sex life; there is toys, games, role play, kinks etc.
He wants to cheat on you and is using an “open” marriage as an excuse. Time to think about whether you want to be in this relationship. I wonder if he has already cheated.
Good for you. It would give him permission to cheat. And that’s often times Y, a monogamous relationship opens up because one person wants to cheat. They don’t want to be labeled as a cheater, and they don’t necessarily want to let go of their relationship, so this gives them the best of both worlds.
What it does for the other partner a lot of time does cause I’m a lot of anxiety and stress. Plus they know their partner wants to sleep with other people now so the intimacy is almost always gone out of the original relationship. Usually open relationships end in the relationship within the year. sometimes almost immediately because distrust is so high boundaries are crossed and one person generally doesn’t want to do it so I’m really proud of you. He can either get over it and cheat and you can let go of him or he will apologize and try to be a better partner will see won’t we
Your husband wants to behave like a single person. Your choice is to be in a monogamous relationship. You should have a conversation about this and figure out if you should remain married or divorce. I sympathize with you and my choice would be to get out,
Your husband wants to sleep around. If you don’t want that you should have a very serious discussion with him that has a set outcome. He wants to sleep around. If you don’t want that and he gets mad about it, you need to accept that the set outcome is divorce.
d-i-v-o-r-c-e hi-im today
sang to tammy wynette’s tune. y’all got married hell young, it’s fair to evolve and want different things, and one of his is a deal breaker for you. you can still be friends!! just recognize you’re not compatible in other important ways anymore
RIP this relationship.
He could have already cheated and is trying to continue
ask him about a divorce, bet he whines and cries against it or says yes to get what he wants. you deserve better either way, he doesn’t respect your feelings. you’re allowed to change your mind, in the moment it probably sounded like a good idea to you.
Imagine the gall to argue with, pout and then ignore your wife because she won’t let you date and fuck other women.
Goodness *gracious* what an exhausting man. You two clearly need a proper, serious discussion and he is just avoiding it. Let him simmer down but I do agree with the others in here, this doesnt seem good for your relationship. You know…what measures the success of a relationship isnt inherently the length of it, it can be the experiences you shared, the ways you have changed and the things you learned. None of us can make a decision for you, but perhaps it is time for you to ask yourself if you are still comfortable in this realtionship.
Really though, if your partner gets mad that you call off an open relationship, then your relationship is not ready to be open to begin with.