break up or no??
hi guys i (18M) been talking to this girl (18F) for about four months and we became boyfriend and girlfriend more than a month ago. (were both first years in college) things have been going fine but ive been having thoughts about breaking up with her. this is her first ever relationship and im the first guy thats ever really liked her. she never had the intention of dating anyone in college until i decided to confess my feelings to her. the problem with all of this is that every few days she would keep mentioning that she can’t grasp the fact that i genuinely like her and its making me feel like she actually isnt ready for a relationship. she talked to me about this months before about how she didnt seem mentally ready to date anyone. i dont want to make her go through this cycle of her questioning this relationship and i feel like its better for the both of us to part ways. what do you guys think??? any advice is welcome. feel free to ask me any questions for more context
2 comments
You’re leaving something important out of this story. Why do you wanna be single right now?
She’s insecure. You very likely are right that she’s not ready for a relationship, but without more context, I don’t want to jump to the extreme just yet. In saying that, the first thing I’d do is sit her down and just lay it all out and be firm in that you mean it but that you’re not going to repeat it, because she needs to trust that you’re being honest with her.
This can’t be brought up constantly, which it is. Far too many people don’t understand that no amount of reassurance will enough be enough. Why? Well, you’re literally living it. Let’s say on day 1 she tells you she can’t grasp why you like her. You tell her exactly why you do, and we’ll logically assume you’ve given some concrete examples. Day 3 rolls around. She says the same thing. Most people will repeat themselves and the pattern continues.
What you need to do, however, is acknowledge reality; you told her on day 1 why you like her. Healthy relationships can’t work without trust. So she either trusts what you’ve said or she doesn’t. Day 3 comes and she asks again; that logically means that she no longer trusts what you said two days prior and needs to hear it again to settle her down. But why? Does she really think you’ve changed entirely in two days? Either way, if you say it again, it’ll calm her down in the moment. Then day 5 comes and she asks again. It’s absolutely draining.
After that talk, if either it’s not taken well or nothing changes, then it’s time to go. Good luck.