TLDR: Girlfriend said I manipulated her into taking birth control pills, and now isn’t willing to use any form of birth control whatsoever, and I am looking for a way to approach talking to her about this and finding a solution.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for about a year and when me and my girlfriend first started dating, every time we had sex i’d put a condom on, and had absolutely 0 problem with it. A couple months in she asked if we could try it unprotected and though I was extremely weary due to the fact I have anxiety and stuff like this will make me stress about the fact I am going to have a child until her period comes, I eventually agreed to doing it one time.
After this first time she kept telling me how much better it was, and although I agreed I did not want to risk impregnating her, and made that clear to her, so she offered to go on birth control, so we could have unprotected sex without the risk of a child. I asked her a couple times about when she was actually gonna go on the pills and every time she would say something like “at my next doctors appointment” and eventually she got around to going to the doctors appointment and taking the birth control pills. A couple weeks into taking the pills, she was not in a good place mentally, which is not uncommon for her due to some mental health issues. This particular time though she blamed me for “pressuring” her into taking the pills which she believed was the cause for this episode, even though she never showed any form of resistance to taking it, and essentially blamed it all on me saying, she never wanted to take it and it would make her “fat, unhappy, etc”.
After this I backed off quite a bit, and just started to use condoms again, which I again have no problem with, the only thing is that my girlfriend says that condoms make sex too painful for her and having it unprotected is the only way that she wants to have it. Now each time we have sex we track her cycle and have sex in the least fertile times and try to get a plan b after having sex. As a broke college student i’ve already probably spent $500+ on plan b’s and it isn’t sustainable at all and I really don’t wanna risk pregnancy. Now when I bring it up I don’t bring up the birth control pills but I try to have an open discussion about what we should do to prevent pregnancy, but she always kinda shuts it down and tries to change the subject, and I really don’t want to go through her blaming me and calling me manipulative, but these conversations lead no where, I try to give all the options but nothing works for her, the pills affect her mentally too much and will make her “fat”, condoms hurt too much and i’ve even suggested using lube or finding a different type of condom, but apparently she doesn’t want any foreign object down there at all, she’s too scared of how painful an iud is going to be, and literally the only thing she is fine with is a plan b, which isn’t realistic financially nor is it good for her body to be constantly messing with the hormones. I personally don’t feel like i’m in the wrong because we’re far too young to have children, and i’m not getting a vasectomy at 19 years old, but I still have no idea how to bring this up without her instantly blaming me for not caring. Any tips on how I should bring this up?
26 comments
>I really don’t want to go through her blaming me and calling me manipulative,
Why would you date someone who *believes* that about you?
The first time someone accused me of being manipulative or coercive about sex would be the last time I ever spoke to that person.
You need to worry a bit less about her feelings and have a serious think about what treatment you’ll willing to accept for yourself.
Get away before you impregnate her.
She can take plan b frequently but not the pill? It going to be doing even worse to her hormones than 2 weeks of the pill (which will have barely even been in her system to effect much anyway). Plus there’s many other options for her.
Please stop having unprotected sex. No is no from you too. It’s a ticking time bomb and the way she’s behaving I wouldn’t be surprised if she was trying to get pregnant. She won’t even have a conversation about what would happen if she became pregnant she is not mature enough to be having sex.
I know you care about this person but you need to understand that this is what a shitty girlfriend looks like. These are red flags that you should be seeing as signs to end things.
I say this from a caring place: this is really stupid. Like unbelievably stupid that this is an argument. You need to break up with her, like there is no what ifs here unless you want to keep spending money on plan bs(stupid) or you’re fine with her getting pregnant from this (VERY stupid).
You’re 19 and I know this is a lot to deal with. But this is NOT worth it. You’re wasting your time and money on this. She’s not going to change, especially since blaming you seems to be working just fine for her. She’s manipulating you, not the other way around.
You’ll have other girlfriends. Have some peace of mind and just let her go.
GET AWAY.
That is all.
If someone accused me of manipulating them when I wasn’t? I would run, there’s just going to be more and more accusations.
It is her body and it is her choice.
She can try other forms of birth control – I have an injection every 3 months and I’m fine with it.
Obviously different bodies react differently to certain forms of birth control.
She can find one that suits Her. Or not…
She won’t ‘get fat’, if she’s eating in a caloric surplus for a prolonged period of time. Yes she would get fat. Buttt that’s not because of birth control 🙃
Either way, if she’s blaming you, saying you’re manipulative…
Mate you’re 19, you shouldn’t have to put up with this stress.
>Now each time we have sex we track her cycle and have sex in the least fertile times and try to get a plan b after having sex.
So, what are you going to name your kid?
Listen if you don’t want a baby stop sleeping with her. This is ridiculous. She either needs to get on birth control or let you use condoms. No if ands or butts. I honestly dont think you two should be together because If the situation was reversed it would be a problem. Start picking out baby names.
As someone who suffers with pretty bad mental health issues, she most likely needs to switch her birth control.
On the first birth control I was on, it made me severely depressed and caused me to be quite verbally abusive to people around me as I was easily irritated. She should inform her doctor the current ones are affecting her mood and if she is on mental health medication to make sure it is also not conflicting with those.
Your girlfriend is being ridiculous. You need to take a firm stance and insist that you’re only having sex using condoms going forward. If that doesn’t suit her, you aren’t having sex. Don’t let her bully you.
She can get a coil if she does not want to take pills. Coils do not involve lots of chemicals. Best way is to sit down together and discuss your options. Explain there is no way you are ready for children so you either both together need to decide on a option for contraception that is secure or you need to break up. Belive me having kids at you age is choosing life with hard mode engaged and locked for the next 18 years. Its not easy. It’s doable. But you got the best years of your life at the moment and you don’t want to lose that freedom. Not yet anyway.
I would stop having sex until you have a real plan. This sounds like she is making things complicated on purpose to get pregnant on “accident”. I would consider just ending things at this point as it doesn’t really seem like you all want the same things. She needs to address whatever issues are going on here.
It sounds like she is trying to get pregnant on purpose. Stop having sex completely until you figure something out.
No vaginal sex anymore (You can still fool around, oral, anal, other physical sex, just not vaginal). I would stop having vaginal sex with her outright until she commits to a form of birth control. Her hang-ups are unrealistic. (I almost question if she’s trying to “manipulate” you into having a child).
Honestly speaking; your best bet is an IUD or a vasectomy (I know you said you didn’t want one but put your manliness/ego aside). It’s reversible; you can go to a sperm bank before you have the procedure, she won’t have to deal with hormone changing medicines, and you don’t have to use condoms.
Your other option is to break up and date someone who encourages using birth control.
She says you’re manipulating her into taking birth control? I’d say she’s manipulating you into unprotected sex and risky behavior, and the question is: why? You can track her cycle all you want, but it doesn’t mean that she won’t get pregnant. And if she does, and in my opinion it sounds like that’s what she wants, you will be attached to this person for the rest of your life. 8 months is not a long time for a relationship. You may not realize this now, but what she is doing is harmful, abusive, and toxic. Blaming you for her mental health episode and turning your legitimate concerns and desire for safety into a bludgeon to hit you with is her attempting to manipulate and control your emotions. My advice? Get out. Now. She’s too immature, she has a lot of personal growth to do and work for her mental health, and staying means that you are enabling her toxicity. She’ll get worse.
Have you tried non-latex? Latex condoms would hurt me and I didn’t realize it for years. Switch them to polyurethane and see how it goes.
You need to stop putting your penis into this girl. You are giving her all the options, and she is refusing all of them. This is how you end up with an unwanted pregnancy
She was fine with condoms before.
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plan b is worse than the pill. Plan b is not contraception. It’s a pill for emergences.
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dont put your dick in raw if you don’t want kids. Not worth the risk.
She’s okay with Plan B but not the pill? Sounds like she wants to get pregnant and hope you will keep it. Get her a doctor’s appointment and stop having sex.
She’s actually the one manipulating you by refusing to have an open conversation with you about birth control and insisting on unprotected sex. Stop having sex with her until y’all have a conversation and come to an agreement about this. This is a huge deal and her approach to it is immature. This is definitely a hill you should die on. If you continue the way you are now, the only other option is to become a parent before you’re ready.
You’re young, so you’re believing her.
She wants to get pregnant. End of story.
You’re 19 years old man just fuck somebody else (With a condom)
There are other options for her, she can have an injection, there’s a patch(like a sticker)she can wear, and the implant that lasts for years
Plan B is not meant to be a primary form of birth control. It is really rough on the body. And scheduling sex around low fertility times of the month is a great way to become a parent because eventually, you ***will*** get the timing wrong.
You know better. Stop gambling like this and either don’t have sex or break up because this is bound to go badly one way or another.
You are a responsible college man who insists on wearing condoms. You will be able to find another girlfriend, no problem.
You and your current girlfriend are not good for each other. She’s manipulating you into doing sexual things that you are not comfortable doing. SO STOP. Like RIGHT NOW. She may be telling you the truth, but that means you two should stop having sex, not that you should start having unprotected sex.
Please protect yourself. She’s not making good decisions and you are making bad ones right along with her.
Birth control impacts her too much mentally, but *taking Plan B every time doesn’t????????* That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard! I don’t understand how anyone could be that ignorant and, frankly, stupid. Keep wearing condoms. You should refuse to have penetrative sex without them–and if she hates them, and you two can’t have penetrative sex, so be it.