I finally got an answer to the I’ll think about it question.
She said “I genuinely do take my time thinking about these kinda things. And I also wanted to make sure I don’t hurt your feelings. But for now I’d like us to be just friends and coworkers as I really do enjoy hanging out with you.”
I also enjoy hanging out with her but I don’t want to hurt her if i’m still interested as that’s not what a friendship is – that’s pining and hoping one day someone will see me for me.
Has anyone ever been able to be just friends with someone they feel for?
7 comments
I have. Confessed my feelings to a friend a few months ago, but she saw me just as a friend. I was bummed for a few days but moved on. There’s been no pining or hoping for her to change her mind. I now just think of her as a friend. In some cases, the closure of knowing they aren’t interested helps you get over them.
Trying to be just friends if you’re still holping for me isn’t fair to either of you. To you, because you’ll just be hurting yourself; to her, because your friendship isn’t genuine or free of ulterior motive. So, if you need time apart to get over your feelings, then that’s perfectly valid. I’d suggest communicating that to her. If she’s a good person, she’ll understand. Then, when you feel like you’ve moved on, you can try rekindling a platonic friendship.
Did you guys ever date? If she had some romantic interest at one point, things could possibly change again, but I wouldn’t count on it.
Overall, regardless, I’d stick a fork in it and call it quits. It’s the best route to take.
You can choose to genuinely be her friend (but you have to keep trying to date other women). You can’t be secretly pining over wanting to win her over.
I’ve been friends with people I was interested in before but that weren’t interested in me, it wasn’t an issue because I just thought it wasn’t a possibility. Plus, one woman I’m specifically thinking about had a boyfriend that entire time.
Later on she did break up with the guy, and confessed that she was into me, but at that stage I moved on and just didn’t feel that way. We did have a good friendship though back in the day.
Today she’s married with kids with some other guy, and I’m happy for her.
Alternatively in your situation, you can be direct and tell her that if she changes her mind, she can reach out to you. But then you need to just play it cool and never bring it up again unless she reaches out to you about that.
It’s a challenge and depends on how well you compartmentalise your feelings.
It might take a long time to not feel something for someone. So you’ll feel hurt when she’s around.
I don’t think I forgot how my first grade crush felt like.
Anyways the nature of the relationship will change naturally, just welcome those changes. You might still be friends or maybe not, don’t force things one way or another.
She’ll distance you from herself mentally already, whether you feel it or not.
I think distance will be the healthiest thing to do, to give yourself a grieving period to let go of her. If it was meant to be, it’ll be
In my experience, needing time to think about things is bad 98% of the time. It’s pretty much a death sentence.
I’m sure a lot of people will come at me with their anecdotes, but usually, if it’s right, you may need time to think about things, but not whether you want to be with them.
“…co-workers…”
Oof. My dude. Just no.
A lot of the girls I’ve had crushes on are no longer my friends, and I’m not in contact with any of them to this day. It kind of sucks, but I guess it just becomes awkward once you confess your feelings to them. There’s more to why I’m no longer friends with these girls, but that’s another story for another day.
It is definitely hard to do. If you try to be “just” friends, you need to change your mindset about how you are around her. Almost like your playing hard to get, totally act/behave like it’s no big deal, like your not interested.