After dating for 3 months I’m thinking about to split because I have the feeling that my boyfriend didn’t let his relationship go.
Here some reasons: his basement is full of his ex wife boxes, he didn’t change the house art wall and some furniture are from the time he was in a relationship, on the fridge door there were pictures of his ex grandparents and nephews.
He is separated/divorced for 3 years and it is hard to me to believe that he never thinks about those details (his words).
Is that possible that a grown up man doesn’t care about makes changes when he gets divorced?
4 comments
I think there are quite a few guys that don’t think about or care about wall art or furniture (as long as it’s functional for what they need) so I don’t think those things are necessarily a problem. The pictures of the ex’s grandparents seem a little odd to me. (Not so much the nephews if he’s still in contact with them.) Regarding the boxes, if there are a lot and not really in his way maybe that job seems a little overwhelming and that’s why he hasn’t gotten rid of them?
Overall, I don’t think what you described is necessarily a red flag unless other things he says and does show that he’s not moving on like he should be at this point.
I don’t think it’s normal to suddenly change all your furniture and artwork after a split. That stuff is expensive, and surely if you were part of that household it’s likely it’s stuff you actually like. So I wouldn’t expect someone to suddenly replace that all.
I also do think that for many people and probably more so men, they won’t necessarily think about getting rid of all that stuff. It’s in the basement, out of sight, out of mind, it’s not like he is looking through it all on a daily basis. And what exactly is this stuff?
Is it his wife’s stuff or is it stuff from their life together? Because I don’t think you can expect the man to erase his whole past, get rid of everything that might be connected to his ex, keeping those memories doesn’t mean you’re not over someone, it simply means you have a past.
Overall, I don’t see any real issue here, but let’s discuss.
Basement full of his ex wife’s boxes? Boxes of what? Art? Who cares? Furniture? Who cares? Pictures of his ex’s grandparents and nephews? They were people who were a big part of his life. It’s not like she’s on the fridge.
Your question really doesn’t make sense? I mean, the answer is yes, and I’ll answer that anecdotally. With these specific examples, there’s no necessity for changes. Oh shit, my living room is furnished with the couches and coffee table I had when I was married. I’m not here reminiscing about my ex. I happen to enjoy the furniture.
After that, to be honest, splitting would be doing him a favor. The only person not letting his ex go is you.
You can’t be serious, right? This is not something I’d expect from a mature adult. I separated from my husband, if he meets someone who has a problem with him still having furniture from his “married life” he’d show them the door. It’s great you redecorated your place, but not everyone sees that as a priority. A lot of people would think in this current financial crisis that switching out all their stuff is frivolous and wasteful. You’ve been dating for 3 months, you’re entitled to your feelings obviously, but it’s not really your place to even bring something like that up at this stage. He’s likely going to keep that furniture for some time, and it’s not because it was his “married” furniture. Also, some boxes in the basement is probably the last thing on his mind, like, ever. You’re giving off jealousy vibes 3 months in with your “concerns,” I’d reel it in a little.