How would you feel if your previous abusive partner was successfully going through therapy? Would you stay?

38 comments

1. No. Future/present actions don’t change the past and don’t erase the impact they have. I’d be happy that they’re finally getting the help they need, but I don’t think I’d want to be part of that journey.

2. I’d wish them the best of luck in becoming a healthier human, but it would change nothing between us. I’m long gone and never going back. They can go forth and be better for their future; the past is already written.

3. No.

4. Hell no. Great if he sorts himself but that ship has sailed and is never coming back

5. No. Getting back with them could cause back sliding and falling into old bad practices. Good on them for working on themselves, but I want nothing to do with them. Ever. Not even an apology. Especially since any apology they gave would just be about alleviating their guilt and would do nothing to make me feel better.

6. No. I would hope that their therapist wouldn’t recommend a reconciliation either. I would be glad that they are getting help and I would pray that they find joy and show consistent change-but it wouldn’t be healthy for me or him to renter our relationship.

7. I have personal experience! I said nothing.
   Avoided him like the plague for almost a decade and then when he basically demanded that I allow him to make amends… I didn’t respond (:

8. Nope

9. Good for them. Still never, ever want to see them again.

10. We broke up for a reason and I have moved on with my life. But I’d wish him well and hope he finds healing.

11. No. Because I’d have already left.

12. No.

13. Nope. A trust lost will never be recovered. Good for them, but the damage is done.

14. Nope, been there done that, soon got comfortable and slid back into his old ways.

15. Fuck no

16. I’d say nothing, it doesn’t have anything to do with me. I wish them peace and hope they get the help they need.

17. Nope. There is no excuse for that. Once it’s happened all trust is lost and they don’t deserve it from you

18. “Successful” by what definition?
    Yes, having new skills is a measure of success.
    But it is also a measure of success to be able to implement them into every day life. It is also a measure of success to implement them into conflict resolution and healthy communication when in relationship. Think of it like a football player being called to the Super Bowl. Can he implement all the skills he has practiced at all the regular every day moments when at the Super Bowl (aka the big conflict?)
    It takes so much practice, dedication and commitment to implement new skills and not fall into old routines.

19. I’d be glad they were trying to be a better person, but no way in hell would I risk putting myself in harms way again. Therapy is great, but it’s not 100% guaranteed to work, after all.

20. Ha ha ha ha ha.

    If I could count the number of times he wooed stupid naïve me back with “going to therapy.” Sure, he went to therapy. Several times. And then he’d come right home and hit me.

21. No. Good for them to go to therapy and that it is helping them. But you definitely shouldn’t stay with someone who was abusive towards you. A lot of abusers will tell you they are changing their ways/getting better as a tactic to get their victim to stay. There is no guarantee that this previous abusive partner has gotten better and no guarantee that they won’t slide back into previous abusive behaviors. Stay away.

22. “thank you but no thank you”

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25. no. good for them for becoming a better person, but i absolutely wouldn’t risk it again. if you hurt and abuse me i’m out and there’s no way to fix what has been done.

26. Nope. I would wish them well and run all the same

27. No LMFAO

28. It depends on the point in time, I asked him to and he refused and it got to the point that during one fight I truly thought that was going to be the end of my life. He was arrested a couple days later on a warrant and I called my family to get me while he was gone as he made it impossible when he was there.

    So now no he went too far, if you haven’t hit you breaking point maybe but I’d be very particular about them staying on their meds and staying in therapy

29. NOOOOOO!

30. Once they are gone, they are gone. If it had happened while we were still together I would have gladly gone on the journey with them.

31. Congratulate them on making the effort to improve and break the cycle. But don’t stay, it doesn’t undo the trauma they inflicted. if they truly sit there reflect and apologize, accept the apology and move on. You don’t have to forgive them.

32. Nope, especially not physically abusive. Good people don’t hit women, I don’t care what happened to you in the past.

    Good for you if you can move on and find someone more forgiving but if you lay one hand on me we are not speaking again.

33. Nope. I would be glad they were getting help but it doesn’t erase the damage done.

34. No. My abusive ex is going to therapy. He was not phisicaly abusive, but had anger isues and he waa manipulative and gaslighting. Probably gay to, so our sex life was miserable. Started therapy only when he saw he is really going to lose me, not before while I was miserable with him, and told him so many times.
    No way I would go back to that and frankly I don’t think that therapy will make a new person out of him.

35. No. No way in hell. Recovery in mental health is not a straight line. It’s not a straight graph. You can have bad days, relapses, etc. That unfortunately means that despite his therapy efforts, he could hurt me again. In this case I have to take care of myself and leave and never come back. I only hope that the next one after me wouldn’t meet my fate. This comes from experience, I was abused in a relationship, he begged for me back etc. But no amount of apologies, no amount of therapy, no amount of anything will fix what he broke and what scars he caused. The fact this is a question only goes to show how some women still excuse abuse. No excuse for abuse. There is no such thing.

36. Definitely would not stay, no. The damage has been done, and it’s on them to repair it if they choose to. But in any case, that won’t be an overnight process, and I don’t have time to waste on abusers.

37. No. I’d be happy for him and wish him well, but I know that relapses are part of the healing process, and my safety comes first.

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