I was in a 10 years long distance relationship. We were amazing as friends. In the starting years, I was really into him but as the time went by I no longer was in love. I started to distance myself but he kept on persuading me that we can make everything alright.
We both were struggling in career and we’re each others shoulder to cry on. After four years we were in same city again but from there our relationship started falling apart. I broke up multiple times but kept patching up after seeing him devastated and crying. Once again I got job far away and moved again. Long distance kept on going. We kept breaking up and patching up.
But somehow I fell out of love. I was with him due to guilt because I thought I was with him for long. He kept falling deeper and deeper and it was totally opposite for me.
Eight months ago we broke up again due to some silly reason and because of my resentment towards him or relationship I said yes to a marriage proposal to someone else. Now preparation for my marriage is going on and I got to know that he still is not moving on and is devastated.
Now I feel horrible but I can’t go back again. I closed that return door for me. He is having suicidal thoughts, I tried to make hime understand that he needs to move on but he says that love is commitment and I spoiled him for life.
I feel like I am the worst person in whole wide world. For a moment I became so selfish that I seeked a better relationship somewhere else. But since my anger is diminishing I am regretting my decision but my marriage is less than a month now and I can’t back out as it will affect a lot of people. I can’t enjoy my life. Everything is great in this new relationship but I feel like I don’t deserve all this while he is suffering. I am unable to sleep. I feel this constant weight on my chest.
tl;dr: What should I do now? Anyone please help I can’t think straight.🙏
5 comments
There is no paragraph break. Sorry didn’t read
I must have missed what exactly your horrible behavior was? You lost interest in him and ended the relationship. That is very normal and it’s a part of life. There’s nothing wrong with that. The fact that he refuses to get over it is not your problem anymore. Stop contacting him or responding to him in any way. There should be zero communication going forward.
Ten years is a long time to go without the big C – commitment/marriage. Why so long in that relationship? And, it started falling apart 6 years ago?! Why did you hang around? If he gets devastated every time you break up, why didn’t he do something to make it more permanent? Why didn’t you pack it in then? What were you waiting for? And now, you are left being manipulated. I think that is how he kept you strung along for so long. You need to stop allowing him to do this to you. Why are you tolerating that behavior?
Stop talking to your ex. If you are concerned about his well-being, reach out to somebody who cares about him, share your concerns, and then leave him behind for good. It’s okay to leave a relationship that is not bringing you happiness any longer, but you need to stop hanging on to this connection.
You did nothing wrong. You are not obligated to be with someone for whom you have no affection. It’s terrible he feels so terribly, but this is *his* problem, not yours.