22M with 21F, 5 years
“Why do you love me?”
5 years down the drain… i (22M) broke up with my girlfriend (21F) of 5 years…. I don’t think she loves me anymore, and hasn’t for at least a year.
Is “why do you love me?” “how do you love me?” too hard of questions to answer? I mean I can answer it very easily… her not so much… I don’t even know where to start. she comes home from school and then I’m supposed to live there while she’s there every weekend for the last 2 years. despite it being a decently longer drive to work on workdays… she’s slept at my house maybe one time in the last year at least… the same girl who used to live in my room until I got home from work… energy anywhere isn’t matched. She wants a date night and it includes going out spending spending spending, while she of course doesn’t have the money. then it’s my fault we don’t have “enough” date nights enough despite her contributing nothing. The little shit too. Want a snack in bed? I’ll end up getting my own but the second it’s her… like she literally can’t say she helps in any department of a relationship. She gets mad we don’t text enough during the week and then spends all weekend on her phone… the only way she could say she shows me any type of love is when she cooks… and that comes with my helping and doing dishes… then we are a 50/50 relationship she loves. We won’t even talk about all the shit I gladly did for her mother. From redoing her front porch, taking care of her yard all summer, and just the little repairs. I also wasn’t good enough for that (LOL). Just when I have complaints it’s an issue. Idk what I’m looking for now… sound ridiculous reading this… extremely clear again she doesn’t love me.
TLDR: felt like an idiot writing this, and feels clear now… but is “why/ how do you love me?” an unfair question to ask someone you have been with for 5 years? and then to not answer it???
3 comments
It’s not an unfair question, and if your partner doesn’t have an answer after 5 years then it’s pretty clear your partner isn’t for you.
“Why do you love me” is an impossible question to answer properly, and it takes away the focus from other parts of relationship.
You seem to be unhappy in this relationship, and with that in mind you need to move on. Asking a questions like “why do you love me” just complicates things and is not in any way helpful.
BTW, don’t look at the last 5 years as something that went down the drain, and instead of focus on not letting the next 5 (or whatever number) years goes down the drain as well.
May I be honest OP?
Some woman like the princess treatment, and it’s true some people might be very egocentric, but I get the feeling you kind of enabled it.
If you did this to win her over at the beginning of the relationship, kept doing it and never set a boundary, then you can’t blame just her for this situation.
She may love you, who knows, you didn’t say anything that made me think she doesn’t, only all the things you do for her, so maybe this is just a matter of having a healthy conversation about the things you aren’t happy about and how can you guys meet each other halfway.