There’s not much to say, I just need to know if there’s any ounce of reasoning or benefit of a doubt.
Basically my ‘bf’ just an hour ago showed me his tinder ‘as a joke’ and showed me that he msged a girl before we dated and that was it.
I scrolled down and literally saw messages dated a week ago. We’ve been together for 7 months now, we were exclusive pretty much since the first date.
He kept saying that he’d “never ask any girl out” that it was all just for “validation”. Yet I scrolled further down and a week before valentines day he asked a girl out…
I asked him as calmly as I could if he thouight it’d be okay if I did all of this to him, to which he replied “no” he was literally sweating and then crying etc etc.
I’m still in shock, I asked him to leave, I would never cheat on or tolerate cheaters in any sense. It really sucks because I never in a million years imagined he’d be the kind of guy that would do that.
Is there any way at all this is salvageable? I just feel like I can’t forgive him ever, and all my friends and I think he’s not right for me anyway. Literally I accepted him for all his flaws and all he had to do was to NOT cheat on me or do anything like this.
7 comments
Literally any reason he did it makes him a little loser.
Possible Reasons:
Wanted to cheat? Scummy loser.
Wanted to flirt? Childish loser.
Wanted validation? Insecure loser.
Wanted to make you jealous? Manipulative loser.
Just rip the band-aid off and dump the looooooooser.
Your friends are right that he’s not right for you … and I am sure every advice on this sub will tell you the same .. leave ASAP you deserve better .
? Why tf did he show you in the first place lol
You’re well shot of him. He actually showed you this, expecting you to be ok with it, and with the phone in your hand told you lies which you then exposed by scrolling down…? How stupid is he?!
you either break up with him, or have a conversation with him and what he will do to fix all this. Maybe therapy.
>I’m still in shock, I asked him to leave, I would never cheat on or tolerate cheaters in any sense.
You know what to do.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s not a crime to be lied to by somone else and want to think the best of them. But you’d be foolish to take him back after his crocodile tears episode.
>Is there any way at all this is salvageable?
With respect, I think you already answered that question.
Once trust and respect is thoroughly gone from a relationship, *IT’S OVER.*
*WARNING*! Be very aware of *Hoovering* and Love-Bombing tactics from him. Be very skeptical of his attention-seeking drama and attempts to get back together.
People who are worth your time, respect your boundaries, are willing to accept a breakup, and are willing to accept that you don’t want to see them in person. That’s because they have the maturity to understand that being with somone who doesn’t appreciate their presence, isn’t a goid deal.
Scumbags see a breakup a some kind of interesting *challenge* or urgent problem they need to *fix* by sucking you back into their lives. Scumbags don’t care how you personally feel about them. They can just tell you exactly how you’re supposed to feel about them later, like a Spokesmodel on Fox news.
>Basically my ‘bf’ just an hour ago showed me his tinder ‘as a joke’ and showed me that he msged a girl before we dated and that was it.
This guy sounds about as bright as a sack of rocks.
>I scrolled down and literally saw messages dated a week ago. We’ve been together for 7 months now, we were exclusive pretty much since the first date.
There’s no “we” here. You were always exclusive. He *never* was.
>He kept saying that he’d “never ask any girl out” that it was all just for “validation”.
This guy is a lying, smug-faced little shit.
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and hangs out in ponds, what is it?
>to which he replied “no” he was literally sweating and then crying etc etc.
Where was his remorse, trepidation, and crocodile tears before he *got caught* Eh? I’m not seeing much anxiety or remorse up until you told him off.
Seems like he was happy as a clam up until you confronted him. Then all he can do is whine and sob and shake like 3 year old caught stealing his sister’s toys.
*Ohshitohshit,what’s happening? I don’t understand, it sounds like she might be breaking up with me? An exceptional nice guy like me? Why is she doing this?*
Something is seriously wrong with this kid. He’s got some real emotional processing deficits. Showed you this tinder as a “joke”? Huge lack of empathy there.
>It really sucks because I never in a million years imagined he’d be the kind of guy that would do that.
A common trait of cheating manipulative liars is, for example, a smooth and cheerful lack of concern about lying in their resume. This means they don’t experience anxiety about being discovered that they are not whom they claim to be. Therefore they can lie about who they are and pretend to be someone different with little effort.
Maybe your (ex)boyfriend will learn from this and grow, maybe he won’t.
Either way, I think your time and energy are better spent investing with someone new since you already know this guy has issues and you don’t know if he will grow from this experience.