confused with my personality

First thing first . I’m 4.1 feet introvert girl and unconfident girl. I always fear that people will disrespect me not because I’m introvert but because I’m introvert + 4.1 feet + unconfident girl.

usually I’m quiet and soft girl but in order to protect myself being ditched and protect my softness zone I sometimes do bodyshame people intentionally and use sarcasm to make them hate me. Not only this as I’ve mentioned above my personality type, I do fake my personality in to that bubbly type when some superior is besides me Idk shall I call it fake or it’s one of my personality.

Most of the time I act like I’m a super resting bitch face girl because I don’t like people approaching me randomly and I feel like people will think that ima weak 4.1 feet girl who can’t stand up for herself if I don’t cover myself with these RBF .

I’m a quiet person but idk sometimes I open up way toomuch to someone whom I just met 2 months ago . Even sometimes I get super mixed feeling of excited and anxiety when I’m in a crowdmeeting with new people that people can assume I’m having a good day because I smile way too much than my usual smile.

And also I’m confused that why I cant keepup with newpeople. Having disagreement is totally a normal thing but when I experience something bad ( action that are not good for my self respect ) I backoff and start giving them RBF treatment and will lose friendliness while my other friends don’t even find it uncomfortable and they keep going

Not last but least . I thaught I cant openup to people other than my bestie but I was wrong I can tell people about my secrets , what I went through ,what i think and what is my insecurity .

I feel like I got messed up. I don’t have that proper image of myself that I want people to see me in that image or am I not working on myself In right way.

PLEASE HELP ME OUT OTHERWISE I’M GONNA DIE ALONE BECAUSE I’LL KEEP AVOIDING PEOPLE AND WONT BE ABLE TO MAKE FRIENDS ANYMORE.