I was with her for about 5 months and everything was amazing. Until recently we started talking about intimacy (she had no experience so we were taking it slow), and precautions related to it.
I drew the line was wanting 2 layers of protection, she only wanted 1 (rubber) and cycle tracking, which I was not comfortable as I am distrustful of the nonlinear nature of biology.
She told me that if she accidentally got pregnant she 1) didn’t see that as a negative and 2) would move across the country to be back with her parents.
Both the opposite of ideal for me since I’m just starting a small business and can’t leave, and also don’t want kids let alone a kid I don’t want or can’t support at this point in life.
Did I do the right thing by sticking to my guns and ending the relationship?
21 comments
>Did I do the right thing by sticking to my guns and ending the relationship?
Yeah, it’s important to be on the same page about things like this. “If I get pregnant, I’m having your baby and moving across the country” isn’t going to be ideal for most people.
You set your boundaries, but when she didn’t agree to them, your instincts kicked in, and you ended it, rightly so.
End of story.
This is a very big deal and you have to be on the same page with your partner. I don’t blame you for not liking her “plan” (barely counts as one imo). Thank you next lol
Good for you!!! This is what being responsible looks like!!!!
Erm i guess its okay that you decided to end it if she didnt want to do the thing were of utmost importamce.to you.
But tbh ive never heard of anyone using two types of contraception, wtf is that about?
Yes, however, it’s better to have the “do you want children” conversation much earlier than 5 months in the future. If you don’t want kids at all, then this was an inevitable outcome considering she does, and you two could have known not to pursue things about 5 months ago.
You need to get a vasectomy.
Yes you did the right thing.
Sure – it’s always right to end a sexual relationship if your conditions for sex aren’t met. And the whole just move across the country if pregnant is concerning.
About the only advice I’d say is if you haven’t fully educated yourself on the risks and side effects of hormonal birth control. A lot of men don’t fully realize what they’re asking women to do when they want them to take hormonal birth control. Hell a lot of women aren’t fully educated on the negatives of it. I think all men should educated themselves on the full weight of what they’re asking when wanting hormonal birth control to be used…not because I think it’s inherently wrong to want it to be used, but because it’s not always a simple or easy decision for a woman to make.
You are completely fair to want to end things, sounds like you aren’t compatible. But I do think it’s unreasonable to ask a women to go on birth control (if that’s your second type of contraception). Birth control can have some really negative side effects.
There’s nothing wrong with ending a relationship because of a disagreement on what would happen in the event of a pregnancy.
She was also fully within her right to say no to taking birth control
So it was just a compatibility issue. No big deal
I was willing to tear you a new one but her comments about what would happen if she fell pregnant just rings too many alarm bells.
I think you did the right thing OP.
Look, I’m almost 40. I have one daughter – 11 years old. I’ve been one and done since I had her, and I had my tubes tied when she was born.
I met the man of my dreams a year and a half ago. He is purposely and happily child free. Even though my tubes were tied, we had very frank discussions early on as to what would happen if my ligation failed (I would exercise my right to choose- and we were on the same page).
Even knowing he was happily child free, I still checked in with him when I signed my pre-hysterectomy sterilization forms to make sure that he was 100% on board. He’s my partner and these things matter.
My point is, it’s absolutely important that these discussions happen and the end result is a thorough understanding and agreements on every aspect of birth control. Her “Would that be a bad thing” would be an absolute deal breaker, had my boyfriend said that when we discussed what I would do if my ligation failed. There’s no room for interpretation. You’re right about the fluid nature of fertility. I’m lucky enough that I don’t need BC of any sort at this point. You get to make the boundary of what you’re comfortable with. It’s valid. And it’s okay.
Why don’t you get a vasectomy (serious question)? I do think it’s unfair to expect women to fuck up their bodies with contraception.
However I do want to commend you that you are being this careful and mature about unwanted pregnancies. So many men are stupid about this and then blame the woman.
Edited to add for whoever commented that vasectomies are completely reversible. It’s more a case of prefering to have side effects on someone else body, rather than your own.
I really wish that more men were as responsible as this post shows you to be. You 100% did the right thing.
Yes. Good job of it, too.
Definitely did the right thing. It’s okay for people to want to avoid hormonal and invasive contraception. It’s also okay to avoid having sex with people who do–aka if a woman didn’t want to have sex with you because you don’t have a vasectomy, that’s her call. Shed be self limiting her dating pool, but that’s a choice she can make. Same for you.
You did the right thing. You just set a boundary that you were unwilling to engage in sex if she wasn’t on birth control. It’s true birth control pills are sometimes associated with some bad to unpleasant side effects. But some forms are better tolerated than others. The fact that she was so chill with risking making you a father now is pretty scary. You did the right thing
Cycle tracking if done correctly is 77%-98% effective.
Combine this with proper condom use – and you should have been fairly solid.
However if that’s a boundary for you, fair enough.
Honestly, this is probably the most mature and well thought out way of doing things. You looked at all the possibilities, and decided the risk outweighed the benefits.
Well, whatever you see suitable, there’s nothing wrong with that. Having a child is a life altering event.