I am in Need of Social Outlets

3 comments

1. Boardgamearena is excellent to play boardgames but probably won’t translate to real life friends. You can chat though and friend people to play again later.

2. Try attending some meets ups with people with similar interests as you such as meetup.com

3. I used to be a loner and now I would say I am considered popular so perhaps I can help you. Being social is the greatest thing for anyone mental health and success

   Firstly lets find out why you (if) struggle to speak to people

   1.) You are overthinking

   2.) …

   There is no other reason that I can think of really. So your number one focus should be mental health and reducing overthinking thoughts like: what if he says this, what if she does that? You probably have no idea what thoughts come up and that is because you are unpresent during conversation.

   You think you are nervous but maybe it goes deeper. Perhaps someone like a family member or a close one has rejected you or hurt you multiple times and now you are carrying that same emotional experience with you everywhere. It is important you realize you are not these feelings.

   Okay so practical stuff:

   – Download an app called medito (100% free) and start off small with 1 minute meditations and increase overtime. Meditation is cringe so do not tell people you do it. But it works. It basically reduces negative thoughts in your brain and increases focus. It will improve every area of your life.

   – distrust your brain. Your brain has put you in this position where you are anxious. It protects you from future abuse/ harm. It will lie to you, create excuses but you must just do what you fear anyways. You feel anxious to approach that person. Just command your legs to go forward anyways. It gets easier.

   – Watch Hamza on youtube. Idc if you do not agree with his views on dating but he will drastically improve your social skills as he breaks down step by step what to do, no bullshit.

   – Rejection is normal. If I could tell you how many awkward situations I have experienced I could not because I cannot remember. But here is a secret. Anyone successful with women and friends have been through hundreds of rejections, me included. It is going to happen but just like in the gym, you feel pain when you exercise, but your muscles grow stronger overtime. Not immediately but overtime. Your brain does the same thing. As long as you stay positive after rejection, analyse what you did wrong and over many rejections you will slowly start to get it. Plus you also get over fear of rejection, a massively useful skill to have.

   – Hit the gym, lift weights, become bigger and more confident. Most guys talk about gym so it gives convo starters

   – smile. To practice just think of something funny and then you will give a genuine smile

   – Get the f off social media. It only causes you to overthink and subconsciously compares you to others. The reason you overthink is because you see yourself as lower in the social hierarchy then the person you talk to. Don’t lie to yourself

   – Read how to win friends and influence people. Cringe but once again do it in private.

   – Improve your looks. Idk how you look IRL but if you find that people do not respect you or talk first, then the simple but harsh truth is you are not attractive. It is a biological and unconscious thing. Watch OnPointFresh or Hamza on Youtube on this topic. You don’t have to be a model, just be hygienic and have style

   Anyways, good luck and trust me it gets way easier. It may take months, maybe years to get to the point where you are just in that flow but the time will pass anyways and it is SO worth it. Without good social skills you miss out on opportunities, events, relationships, friends and so much more life has to offer.