I (27M) went on a couple of dates with this girl. On the second one we hooked up. I enjoyed it however I also am reasonably confident that I don’t see it going anywhere long term. She texted me recently asking to hang out again, and I certainly wouldn’t mind doing so. It was fun, after all. But I also wonder what the expectation is around me being up front about how I see things and at what stage.
On one hand, she hasn’t asked at all how I see things going (we’ve only hung out a couple of times), so I don’t feel morally in the wrong for simply agreeing to see her again. However, I also want to be a decent human being and don’t want to cause unnecessary pain. Additionally, I haven’t gotten any clear signals in either direction about whether she sees this as casual or something she is gonna get her heart wrapped in.
At what point do I be like “hey, I see this as a casual thing and want to make sure you’re on the same page if we keep hanging out” *even if she doesn’t initiate that conversation*?
More generally, should I assume things to be casual unless someone wants to move things forward? Or is there a “natural” point at which I really ought to say something even if the other person doesn’t?
I’m sure there are going to be differing opinions on this. Discuss.
3 comments
I’m exactly on this situation but I am the girl. I would even say I could be the girl you’re going out it.
I think it’s good to set clear expectations. If you have spent time together. Had sex, it does not hurt to say exactly what you’re expecting.
“Hi X, I really enjoy hanging out with you, but I don’t see it moving towards a serious relationship. If you are okay with having a short term casual thing, fine by me”.
Just date casually. Ur fine. If u know u don’t want to be serious then make it known ur not dating seriously right now
24f here. Just say “because I like to be transparent, should we continue hanging, I want to make it clear I don’t see this going anywhere long term but am happy to keep things casual if you are on the same page.”