hello! I guess I’ll start with my age, i turned 20 this year. (Yay me)
I’ve had problems meeting people, throughout school, and through work. I would say I’m a very, independent person, I enjoy my alone time. I’m a bit shy although I try not to be if someone were to try and start a conversation with me.
but sometimes it can be difficult as I never really met much people to socialize with, especially in school where you get to grow your social skills with others.
And I would like to become better at it, talking with people because recently I met someone, who I really like, but can’t seem to carry a conversation well with,
Like for example , they had asked if I ate all my Easter candy and how I was doing. And I knew they were being playful about asking if I ate all my Easter candy, (because it was Easter and usually people eat chocolate) ANYWAYS, I was like ‘well I’ve had one kiss chocolate, and today was tiring, I guess’
and he was like ‘that’s one more kiss and one more chocolate than I’ve had all week’
And I just didn’t know what to say! Sometimes our conversations would be pretty decent, but most times it would feel like him carrying the conversation, which I’m starting to feel insecure about now,
Any tips on how to become a better communicator in general would be great, thank you.
2 comments
Stop seeking people’s attention, validation, approval, or reassurance. Instead, Genuinely connect with them in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what they say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.
I just have to say I find this post cute as hell. The general idea I run with is “question, question, statement”. You ask a question, they answer, you ask a follow up question, they answer, you say a statement example:”that sounds fun!”. Repeat.
Pretend you are an interviewer or a talk show host. Talk show hosts keep the spot light on the interviewee and make small jokes and statements when they can. If you take an interest in another person they love it! People love being asked questions and talking about things they like (crazy right?). Find what they like (by questions) and ask about it. You will soon be in a conversation and they will be saying “wow this has been a great conversation!” I’ve had so many people tell me this after I started doing this “talk show host” technique. People really like talking about things they like haha.
Find a genuine intrest in people and they will do the same thing right back at you!