I work with her. It was only recently that I became really close with her that we became bestfriends. But it confuses me sometimes how her demeanor changes in a snap. Like for example if we were laughing the day before after work, the next morning she’s cold, and would say good morning without looking at me. It makes me feel like I’m being too perky when I say hi when I’ve arrived, or just plainly awkward like I have to back off. Sometimes she becomes like this for the whole day.
If she doesn’t want to talk, she keeps quiet and makes as mininmal answers as she could so I immediately pick up the hint. But also, she could have just told me that she needed to do something which will require her not to talk. It just makes me feel like I’m so talkative or that I’m disrupting her focus even if I will never do that on purpose. One time that she noticed that I immediately got quiet when I talked and she answered with absolutely nothing, she eventually said “Hey, I’ll just do my thing for a while.” and I said “Sure. Take your time with it.” as nicely as I could. Because I don’t want to cause any conflict even if she made me feel awkward and slightly like, I’m an annoying friend/workmate.
It’s another thing when she becomes shy, or when she says something that she thinks she will be made fun of. She becomes quiet and serious and it triggers me because my mind tricks me into thinking that I have to act right, or that I cannot show my confusion or annoyance to this person because I will cause conflict. At the same time, we’re in the workplace so I can feel myself being like a people-pleaser towards her even if I just want to avoid as much conflict as possible which could potentially affect my work.
I really don’t know how to act around her when she becomes like that. It sometimes reminds me of one of my aunts who raised me who would be giving me the silent treatment just so I can guess and do what they wanted me to do. Any advice on how can deal with this without causing any trouble? I want to be able to talk to her about this, but I’m still trying to look for timing because when feels bad, it automatically makes her feel extremely guilty.
I would really appreciate some advice on how I can deal with her attitude when she does it on the spot.
Thank you.
1 comment
If this is truly your best friend you can’t duck out of talking with them. For a long-lasting friendship to function you need to be willing to address issues even if it makes the other party uncomfortable. Otherwise you’ll be stuck trying to mindread their intentions forever. If they care about you and how you feel, like a friend should, then they ought to explain why they’re acting out of order.