My(23f) boyfriend(28m) of 3yrs works out a lot & has loads of friends, he talks about them a lot & I really don’t mind that some are women. I’m not a jealous type in general & he’s never given me a reason to be. But he let me use his phone the other night (didn’t have mine) while he showered, I was scrolling thru instagram & had sent my sister some memes so we were talking thru dms. Obv I can see his dms & I knew everyone on his list but one, I feel bad for clicking on it but I was really just curious bc he’d never mentioned her before. He sent her a message asking what her friend though of him, which off the bat made me feel off. She said ‘she just laughed, go up to her’, he said: “u need to elaborate and i will!! just need some basic knowledge”. Friend replied that she’s trying to set them up and her friend had laughed bc she’s trying to marry her off and told him again to go up to her, he said he will. I don’t know what to do after reading the dms, if I should do something. Am I being dramatic/paranoid? Or am I right to feel this way? He wants me to move in with him in a few months, & our relationship is going well imo. The only change has been that we don’t see each as often as we used to bc of his work schedule, 12hr shifts & picks up a lot since he’s saving to move out.
TL;DR Boyfriends friend introduced him to a friend of hers & wants to set them up. He asked about what the girl thought of him & said he would approach her the next time. Any advice?
11 comments
>But he let me use his phone the other night (didn’t have mine) while he showered. I was scrolling thru instagram & had sent my sister some memes.
You were on his phone, on his IG? Or you were on his phone, on your own IG sharing memes with your sister? I’m confused.
It’s important to communicate with him about how you feel and have an open conversation. Express your concerns without accusing or attacking him, and listen to his response.
He’s trying to cheat. You do what you want with that information.
He’s trying to cheat on you obviously. What is there to talk about?
Uhhh… this seems pretty obvious. I know you’re wracking your brain trying to make this out to you being paranoid, but unless you’re dramatically misrepresenting these messages, it’s pretty obvious he is/was/is planning on cheating on you.
>He wants me to move in with him in a few months
Yeaaaah. Before this happens, you need to confront him. And yeah, you’re gonna take some shit for invading his privacy. But you doing a comparatively minor shitty thing doesn’t give him cover for doing a majorly shitty one. You cannot move in with this guy until this gets resolved, one way or the other.
I mean. If he hasn’t cheated yet he’s def entertaining this girl. Whether to really cheat or for attention. Neither of those are good. Confront him.
He is trying to go talk to a girl that is interested in him. What more signs do you need to drop him?
It means he doesn’t take you and your relationship very seriously, or at the very least if something better came along he’d dump you for her (if not straight up cheat on you).
Needless to say, don’t make any plans to move in or live with him
**he’d never mentioned her before.**
So she’s not a “friend” of his then…
**He sent her a message asking what her friend though of him,**
Dodger for sure.
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I’d ask him about it if I were you. You’ve known him 3years.. I assume by now, you can more or less tell if he’s lying or not.
Nope. Bad intentions. I wouldn’t even confront him. Id screen shot it, make it his background, and never answer his calls or texts again!
Don’t do the pick me dance.
You take charge, tell him you know he’s interested in another woman and you don’t waste time on cheaters.
The ball is in his court and if he loves you he will have to do the pick me dance and you will have dignity, self respect and, more importantly, his respect.
Emotional cheating is still cheating. He is mentally stepping out of your relationship.
If you want to give him a chance, him out. Tell him you saw the messages and you’re not comfortable with his response. If he acts defensive ask him how he’d feel if it was the other way, if your friends were setting you up with a guy, would he be happy for you to be messaging him?
If he keeps denying and invalidating your comments and it. He isn’t mature enough to see that his behaviour is not appropriate and not to your standards.
You’re a gem, don’t let him smear you in dirt.