I’ve posted here a couple times before on how can I start dating. It was clear that online dating does not work for me (tinder/bumble). I tried it for 3 months with only a few matches but it never led anywhere and they would stop responding to me.
I took some advice from the last post and even though it sounded like good advice, I have yet to get a date.
I approached women who I found attractive and all of them said no thanks or they have a bf. I am not complaining, I am just saying that it’s not as easy as people make it out to be.
I joined discords groups in my university. I reached out to people in this discords just trying to make friends. I found that even in these discord groups, a lot of people took several days to respond and they really only wanted to chat online.
I am also in a club and all of the girls are either taken or talking to someone else. I talk to them occasionally but only if I run into them.
Why does it seem like some of my friends are able to get a date very easy. They don’t even have to try it seems. Whenever my friends talk about dating, they ask me if I am talking to anyone. Obviously the answer is always no.
Both my parents, brothers and friends ask me why I don’t date. I am 23 and I get embarrassed when I am asked this question, because I do try to put myself out there, it’s just that no one really wants to. So whenever someone asks me that question, I just reply that “I am not looking for anyone “ but in reality I am.
I am also keeping myself clean. I wear ok/good clothes and I try to keep a good attitude.
If anyone has additional advice I would like to hear what I should maybe focus more on.
10 comments
Well youre already doing good by keeping clean and trying to socialize. You can try doing outdoor hobbies and see if you can meet people like that.
Do you have a car and your own place.
Also I’d reconsider dating apps. Try Facebook dating. Tinder/Bumble/Hinge arent the best place for serious relationships unless you can really make yourself stand out. And trust me it’s not as easy as you think even for the guys you think it’s easy. I had a friend in college what he used to do was max the radius on tinder and just swipe right on everyone. He would be very sexual right of the back most girls would block him or unmatch but you end up with a girl who is just DTF. And that’s what a lot of guys do that you think it’s easy for. Do you want to be that guy? They are constantly asking women out, constantly getting rejected you are just seeing the ones that said yes not the 100 that said no.
It definitely isn’t easy. At 23 (or any age) some people aren’t looking for anything serious. It’s good you’re trying and putting in effort. Maybe try to let go of the idea of making a relationship happen. Meet people just to simply make friends, no pressure or expectations. Maybe They can feel that pressure when you reach out to them? You never know who you’ll meet and new people can introduce you to their friends. The larger your social circle the better. Do things and attend events just for you. Focus on putting yourself first. You’re in an age range where people are out of college or finishing up and they might be stressed with finding a job or the next step in their career. Keep your thoughts positive. You’re young and have lots of time.
What do you do for fun?
Looking at your post history, for starters you need friends. Dating, flirting, interacting with women in general requires a high degree of social skills. Start with friends, even be friends with women. DO NOT try to get girls by being friends with them. Learn how to stand up for yourself. Don’t be a people people pleaser. I’m not saying be mean or disrespectful. Just learn to hold your own ground and put yourself first in social scenarios. Be assertive. Put yourself at the center of social groups. Invite people to go out somewhere. Start a new club. I also recommend taking on some responsibility. This can be leading a weekly D&D meeting, or running poker night at your place.
I can relate on the being short, skinny, distance runner. I’m 130 and 5’7”. This is far from a death sentence, but you will have to make up for it other areas. Style has to be very good, look up style tips for shorter and skinny men. Slim fit jeans always. No strong contrast between top and bottom. Long sleeves, hoodies, or layering tops. If you stop running competitively hit the gym, do not stop running for the reason of gaining muscle. Charisma is underrated af. Go on youtube my favorites are charisma on command and julian himself. Do not get into pick up or how to get women, just focus on general socializing. Clean haircut that fits your face shape, look that up. Clipped nails. Shower daily. Deodorant. Cologne reasonable amount.
Do not expect to be pulling different models every weekend at 140 and 5’6”. I am not saying give up running, I’m just saying keep the expectations in check. Your social skills are low. You have no attractive hobbies. You don’t have the much to bring to the table. Try some girls that are a little overweight, maybe not the most conventionally attractive, etc. If she can get you hard that the extent to which appearance matters. You’d be surprised just how attracted you are to some girls once you’re getting somewhat intimate with them. If this is not what you want to you need work on yourself first.
Get a dog and go to dog parks. Also lower your standards. You shouldn’t have this hard of a time.
Not going to judge you over one online post, but you sort of come across as needy in that OP. If you’re needy or desperate here, you might be needy in RL as well and that is something females can smell a mile away. Don’t worry about age, 23 years old is very young and it isn’t worth your anxiety level that you think you’re so old and alone. Nah fam, you’re young. My best advice is to work on yourself every day and become the best person you can be. Sometimes you need to improve yourself as a person and be comfortable with who you are. If you ask this question right now, “does a woman complete me?” and you answer yes then you aren’t ready for a girl.
You gotta be complete in how you are as a person and do your goals in life. I know many girls who think a dude who is working on something he’s passionate about is a major turn on. Additionally, I have heard many stories where when the man is doing his goal in life and enjoying the journey, there is always a woman who will join him along the way. It might not be a marriage-worthy partner, but definitely enough for a long-term girlfriend.
Also, be chill when asking out a girl, again if you come across as awkward or shady, that is something girls have a crazy sixth sense about. If she still says no, then just be cool and take that as experience, the more you get rejected, the more you’ll develop a game. Like I got denied here because of “x”. Next time I won’t do “x”, but try “y” instead. You gotta be the true version of who you are, if you like Star Wars, make some Jedi jokes when the time is right when you’re around with your friends. Don’t take it too far though because you’re just going to come off as weird. If you’re making small talk with a girl, then bring up something that you’re interested in that can piggyback off of the last thing she said. Everything should come across as natural, even if you’re making small talk with somebody you don’t care about.
It’s tough when you’re young. For men, it actually gets easier as you get older.
In your late 20’s the early 20’s girls all want to date you because you have more to offer them.
You are in a hurry. Keep doing what you are doing for a while longer. There’s a complicated mixture of action and luck that is required to finding a partner
Ha dating is a numbers game homie, you gotta keep pushing until you get what you want