First off, I am a woman and I want to acknowledge how difficult it must be to know that so much of the mutual satisfaction in a heterosexual encounter depends on you being able to last longer than she does. The female structure analogous to the penis is the clitoris, and if I had to put my clitoris in something that felt as good as a vagina and NOT come until someone else is finished, I don’t think I could. You have my sympathy for the amount of mental pressure that must be. That said, if you are able to last for at least a few minutes during PIV, how do you do it? Do you practice edging? Do you try to distract yourself? Is a little bit of death grip syndrome a good thing? Are you just naturally able to last? Please share your experience/wisdom.
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Sometimes the saying “you don’t wanna go out there with a loaded gun” actually does help.
Cardio fitness can help + taking breaks to switch positions when I feel like I’m close but I generally focus more on foreplay beforehand and aiming to give as much pleasure before penetration.
One of the benefits to masturbation, and this is true for both women and men, is that you gain better understanding over your body’s orgasmic process.
in other words, you develop a sense of where you are on the path towards climax so that, with enough of that awareness, you can figure out when to slow down or speed up or take a pause, as a way of accelerating or decelerating the process.
To be clear, this isn’t some kind of perfect system by any means. But my point is that the better that you understand how your own body works, the easier it becomes to learn how to control it to whatever degree you can.
For the same reason, people who learn to edge are able to have better orgasmic control as well, because that’s all about identifying where the “point of no return“ is and learning how to ride that edge as long as possible.
As with all things, this all takes time and practice though.
I breathe. I stay in the moment.
I wish my wife had this sympathy 🤣
1st time is probably shorter if i am trying to last i use postions that are less intense for me. The 2nd round will be much easier, sometimes I don’t cum but it is not really my goal. The 2nd round i just focus on sending her over the edge, basically really intense thrusts with a small cool down with slower, longer thrusts for her to recover then build back up. Once she is satiated and getting tired i will wrap it up. If we get dry i like to switch to oral and add moisture.
I find the concept of edging to help last longer very confusing. I like to edge a lot. But, when I edge, each time I get to the edge and then back off, that increases my horniness and makes me want to cum faster and faster with each subsequent edge.
Also, I can’t even imagine how frustrating it would be for the girl to have the guy stop, wait a few seconds, and then start thrusting again every 30-90- seconds.
I just don’t get the whole edging to last longer thing.
Never really needed to distract myself. But, the couple of times I have tried it, it does work. But, honestly, it also kind of takes away from the whole mood and experience.
Yes, I personally think a little bit of death grip has actually helped my sex life and being able to last longer.
The absolute best thing I can do is to masturbate about 4-6 hours before I have sex. If I masturbate too soon to having sex then I find I am still horny and still sensitive from masturbating and it actually makes me want to cum faster. But, for me, 4-6 hours before sex is the magical sweet spot. It let’s me go almost indefinitely.
Also, position of initial penetration seems to make a big difference for me. If we do a position that rubs my frenulum, I am a goner. It way over stimulates me and I am going to want to cum fast right then and there. But, if we can do a position of two first where my frenulum is not stimulated and I get a chance to kind of get into a groove before being over stimulated, then I can last a very long time.
YMMV
I smoke some euphoric weed beforehand.
My god does it feel good.
Pacing and variety. Sometimes mental gymnastics or focus exercises help. If I don’t think I can last, I’ll just get it out of the way and move on to oral or something until I’m ready again.
Stop thinking. Stop using ur brain
Just fuck. The more u think the faster u cum. Just dont think and youll fuck harder for longer
Lexapro
Years of fapping to porn decreases your visual and penile sensitivity so much, that not being able to come, or coming too late becomes the problem.
Age experience person you are with. Pelvic floor exercises.
Used a tight Fleshlight for stamina and sensation increase, I could hang it from my pinky finger.
I’m naturally able to last because I have a condition called phimosis, it’s not that extreme to the point where I have to get it treated, but I’m unable to retract my foreskin fully when Erect. I probably see about 20% of my head. Used to be concerned that it would cause me pain during sex, but it didn’t. The “protective” covering kinda prevent my entire penis from receiving direct stimulation hence I’m able to last as long as I want.
A shit ton of experience. And you don’t need sex to gain experience, masturbation is adequate here. I just know my body well enough to control things. If I’m on top, I can go fast or slow, clench or unclench, I can pause and pleasure my partner in other ways before continuing. One simple cheat is to masturbate and cum a little before you expect sex to happen, but you have to plan it out and some guys only have one shot in them per day.
For me, I can cum in a couple minutes or I can delay it for a couple hours. I also have an extremely short refractory period and can cum multiple times in relatively quick succession. The best advice I can give is to just masturbate a bunch. You have to learn the limits of your own body and the best way is to masturbate on your own. You have much better control over all the variables and no pressure from a partner. If a guy discovers a limit that is difficult or impossible for him to overcome, it’s time to bring in some tools. If you can’t open a jar, don’t let your pride fuck you over, just grab a god damn jar opener. Same concept here. If you have limits in the bedroom, use toys to enhance things. Your pride is useless and will only cock block you. Sex toys are valuable tools. Even I use them. They just fun and add variety.
In short: Masturbate constantly and use toys.
Just natural for me, I’ve rarely been a fast cummer
Not that alcohol is the answer to everything, but I’m always able to last a lot longer if I’d had a few beers beforehand.
i masturbate often, pace myself, stop when I need to and wear a cock ring so it stays hard if i cum too early and can stay erect to give her an orgasm.
Age. As I’ve aged, things just take longer. 48 and I can last a half hour… whether I want to or not.
I don’t really know how, but I can go for as long as I want to. I kind of decide when it’s time to finish. However, if an unplanned finish seems imminent, a change or even momentary stop until it goes away, then continue. The stop would be more likely required with the girl on top.
Also, frequent change of positions gives you a short stop.
SSRIs help me last for a long time. Sometimes too long. 😅
Drink alot of water. You’d be surprised you how long you can last when you gotta pee. This trick is as old as time.
I pull out and eat that pussy until my orgasm subsides…then back at it until I’m close again then pow! Right back at eating pussy
Experience/have more sex, masturbate more, change positions, use a numbing condom, use a smaller condom, go slower, breathe more, position your body so you go more shallow, mental imagery, different sex talk, change the lighting, look at a different part of her body, more foreplay so she expands more so you feel less (it’s also nice to enjoy the foreplay).
Most girls actually get frustrated that I don’t cum. It’s actually a worse problem imo.
I recently asked how to speed things up in the bedroom for myself.
From a young age I’ve had stamina in the bedroom. My fiancé can orgasm with me 5 times in 2 minutes. The shortest we’ve gone is maybe 30 minutes to 4 hours at the max. I dont know why I last so long but I’d sure as hell would like to change it once in awhile
I have no idea why but it takes a while to make me cum and I don’t have death grip. I’ve had quite a few partners and most of the time i can come from intercourse, but with some partners piv doesn’t feel like anything to me( I’m average so i doubt it’s my size)
When piv doesn’t work I literally have to have my partner shove her vagina and ass in my face while she blows me otherwise it won’t work.
I know cumming fast is a problem, but having a hard time to cum is also one. I know it’s not a popular opinion, but some vaginas feel like nothing to me while some other milk me in lile 5 minutes of doggy.
I also can’t really have more than one round despite being in my mid 20’s( it kinda worries me tbh)
If you happen to partake, weed makes me feel like a pornstar because of how long I can last with my wife 😉
In my 20’s (36M) I didn’t finish during sex more often than not. I thought for a long time this may be due to side effects from the concoction of antidepressants and aderol my parents gave me as a kid (I didn’t successfully masturbate until I got off of them at 16) but I really don’t know.
It had its perks but I would have to take care of it while she was in the bathroom and have lots of conversations verging on arguments about why I didn’t finish (“am I not hot enough?” Etc.).
Then I discovered I could last forever unless she was on top and I straightened my legs out stiff. Then 99% of the time I’d finish within minutes.
There was one gf in particular that could finish me off with oral during a commercial break but nowadays there are one or two specific positions I go to if I’m feeling like it’s about time.
I thought this was normal until years of both men and women telling me it wasn’t.
Kegels and knowing which positions feel more intense. And pacing your strokes. I used to do math and stuff but I think this requires way too much concentration and makes me enjoy the experience less.
I’m get most my pleasure from her pleasure. If I know she’s enjoying herself I can cum very quickly. But if I’m not too sure I can last for ages and if I’m really not sure I’m doing a good job I don’t cum at all. I find it hard to cum from blowjobs or handjobs unless I’m playing with them at the same time.
I was once with a girl who made no noise and kept the same expression and I thought I was doing a terrible job but it turns out she hated her orgasm face so tried to hide it when she did. I apologised in the middle going I feel like I’m doing such a bad job and she revealed she’d had 3 orgasms and I came like 5 mins later
Remove the pressure of expectation and create an environment where PiV/A is not the only goal and the only way for the other person to cum. It puts a lot of pressure on the dude when there is an expectation that his dick will get her off or that he is going to be some kind of performance god and this can get in his head…performance anxiety can manifest as not being able to stay hard or it could go the other way and he cums fast, and then feels bad and then he gets in a loop of negative thoughts around sex.
For me, lots of foreplay is a good thing. It lets me be fully relaxed, gets my brain in to the right space and to get used to the physical sensations. But sometimes the body does what it does and orgasms happen, and thats fine.
Speaking as someone who usually finished fast and still do; For me, a lot of it seems to be mental. I am very anxious about being judged because of my performance which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Thinking about not finishing fast is a sure fire way to make it happen, same with erectile dysfunction but that’s another subject altogether.
Doing the opposite yielded mixed but promising results. In instances where my partner and I wanted to take advantage of my speed, sometimes that caused me to relax and become less anxious which then resulted in going up to 10 minutes or more (very rarely) to my partner’s annoyance hahaha
“It’s cool, we both want me to wrap things up within 2 minutes.” Sometimes having that permission so speak alleviated the negative internal dialogue I have running in my head before sex.
Additionally, the right strain of cannabis has resulted in me lasting much longer than usual.
Physically, frequent sex/stimulation can lower my sensitivity. If one goes without sex or masturbation, the nerve endings “reset” so to speak and I tend to go back to my fast baseline.
TLDR: relaxing in various ways has done the trick for me whether through mental/positive thinking or chemical methods.
I have Multiple Sclerosis and a screwed up back. It takes me a while to get started but I can last a long time
1) breathing through the build ups and dissolving that climax moment
2) take time to enjoy masturbating if that’s your thing… Lighten up the grip and take the slow ride
3) okay with the prostate and discover different types of orgasms that most men won’t discover without it. It opened my perception of what an orgasm was, the intensity possible, and how not to “chase the O”, which allowed me to navigate away from climax as well during regular PIV sex
https://www.nateliason.com/blog/last-longer-in-bed
This guy basically explains everything I did unconsciously.
* No anxiety
* Trained to contract your Kegel while edging and knowing the feeling (thanks to masturbation). Edging means continuous stimulation, not fap pause fap as some redditors wrote. You fap everytime but control your feeling while slightly changing the speed and crucially contracting your kegel
* Long preliminary for the girl
* Changing slightly your angle and move to find the good one where you’re excited just enough depending on how close you are to aim for edging or completely changing position if too much (closing your eyes and not touching the girl also helps if too horny). You need a bit of experience to know exactly what will feel good and what will feel too overwhelming.
* Long and deep breath
* [Kegel] Squeeze it if close (emergency break)
* Thinking about something really not exciting (mental emergency break, I probably used it less than 5 times in my whole life because really not fun, but when you feel like you can cum only with your mind but still have to satisfy your girl, it’s the solution)
I used to have really bad PE. Some times not even make it to penetration. I was often treated poorly, laughed at, cheated on, etc, and it made it all so much worse. The more anxious and nervous and down on myself I got, the worse it was.
What finally made it better was having a partner that truly literally didnt give a shit and was able to communicate that in a way that made me feel confident and comfortable. there was none of the “oh I dont mind” or “its okay, really” which just acknowledges there is a problem and made me feel like shit.. What this woman did was amazing. I apologized after cumming in 5 seconds and she said “shhh, never apologize” with a big sexy grin on her face. Thats it. She made me feel truly accepted and comfortable, so with a little practice I was able to last longer.
After we broke up, my PE was bad again, and again many women treated me poorly because of it, and I spiraled for a long time.. But now I am able to last as long as I want with my Fiancee because she is genuinely excited, happy, and turned on by me reaching orgasm, the same I am with her. There is no guilt or shame associated with cumming from pleasure with the one I love, its not a problem, nor should it ever have been. Now I am not nervous and we can go as long as either of us wishes.
I’ve read a lot of good answers here. To them, I’d add:
* it’s more of a mental thing than you would expect, and you spend a lot of energy focusing and controlling how excited you get (until it’s time)
* if you know you’re going to have a problem, masturbating to an orgasm early in the day can help give you the kind of stamina she’s hoping for
NGL though, this is the kind of situation that does create envy in a lot of us guys. Don’t feel sorry for us, but it’s pretty easy to envy the ability to just let go and enjoy sex without having to worry that you might get *too* excited and end sex before your partner is ready. (OTOH I’m well aware that getting to orgasm(s) is not necessarily a walk in the park for some women.)
Always make sure she’s had atleast one orgasm before PIV. If I’m about to cum, change position to give him a little rest, viagra so we can go for round two. And a cock and ball ring, if I’m tired use the vibrating one so she’s done quicker
Having regular sex – like 4+ times a week.
If youre having sex once a week or less, your stamina wont be much to talk about.
For me it’s a couple of things.
The main one is my size, I’m larger than average, so I’ve met a few of women I wasn’t ideally physically compatible with. If I’m too large for her it is very intense and I will probably cum quickly. Neither of us feel good about it, and at least once I’m sure she was happy I didn’t last.
This is why foreplay is very important. But sometimes it’s best to stick with foreplay.
But also, sometimes I just cum fast the first time around. It bothered me at first, I was always afraid it would strike like a bad role of the dice, because I was stuck in the one and done mindset. Then I met a really cool lady who wanted to spend an entire day fucking. That’s when I learned to stop worrying, because I knew I could make up for it the next time around.
I had another lover who took that a step further. She would immediately suck me off, and she didn’t stop when I’d cum. She’d keep going, keeping me hard until she was sure I was ready, and then we’d start fucking. She had her own idea of foreplay and it worked really well for both of us.
Changing positions can help also. Standing can make me last longer. A high bed, a table, or a kitchen counter can help. It’s also fun sometimes.
Anything that takes your mind off it is a good thing. And if it happens, find other fun way to play with each other until you are ready to go again.