I’ve dated my girlfriend for 7 months and she deals with anxiety and depression and we were doing long-distance, over time this started to impact our relationship to the point where it was mostly negativity between us. Recently she went through a bad depressive episode, and it hurts me that she has no support in place to deal with it as her family does not believe in depression.
I’ve tried to help her, but she stopped talking to me for a couple weeks and then I messaged her again and she told me she thought about us working it out, but decided she can’t.
I should also mention that she was my first love, and I fell hard, and deep down I know we were meant to be, she’s such a rare soul to come across. It hurts to see her like this. I don’t know what to do, I just want to talk to her about it on call, but at this point I don’t know.
If anyone could give me some advice, please feel free to dm me, I’m crying non-stop it hurts so much and I don’t know what to do. Sorry for the vent, just going through it I suppose.
TLDR: My girlfriend is in a bad place and I feel hurt and need advice
5 comments
At 19, it’s the end of the world. At 30, you’ll look back and say “What was I thinking?” it’s painful I know, but, 7 months, with some LDR in the mix, is not the stuff of a strong enduring relationship. Move on and learn from this and let her go.
No DM please.
Maybe it’s time to take a break and focus on yourself. You can’t help someone else if you’re not in the right headspace.
If you do not detach, her going down will take you down with her. The burden is not on you to carry. If she chooses to wallow in her misery, understand that she must go through that intense pain and suffering herself in order to wake back up.
You’ve done what you can. You now need to turn your focus on taking care of yourself because if you can’t do that, how can you take care of anybody?
We always want to protect and help those we love, even if it costs us but do know what that says is that your self worth is very low. You’re actually not even doing anything honorable or heroic or righteous.
What you don’t understand yet is even if you did help her, this doesn’t guarantee your relationship will succeed. People change and we do it at different paces.
You’ll eventually outgrow the need to play the savior role because the cost will outweigh anything you gain. Not to mention the entire time you’ll have all these expectations for improvement and when it’s not progressing in the way or speed you desire, it leads to disappointment.
Be there for her if she needs it but understand that you can barely keep things together yourself. How do you think you could be of any help when you can’t even help yourself?
I don’t wanna be the person to says this but it doesn’t sound like she’s your girlfriend friend anymore
Dude- hit the the gym. This hurts but it will pass. Do something to take your mind off it.