Okay so a bit of a weird one – purely because I have trouble wrapping my head around it. But anyways.
What’s the difference between having sexual relations with people prior to meeting your wife/husband or “soulmate” than there is after meeting them and having a sexual relation with someone who is not them. Technically, you act on sexual relations outside of purely them in your lifetime. If it’s before or after.
Not sure if I worded that correctly but what i’m getting at is – why is there such a big shunning on people who “cheat” after a relationship is agreed to – however there is so much more acceptance around past relationships/sexual relations before they met.
In my head, either way – you have kinda cheated on wife/husband or “soulmate”. Yes, I know you can’t predict the future.
I read in some Christian blog post a while ago which said “having pre marital sex is cheating on your future spouse”. I’m not Christian – but ngl that kinda did hit.
I’ve also read on the internet stuff like “someone is having sex with your future wife/husband right now”. That kinda hit as well.
Theres heaps of factors to why sex is normalised so much these days. But sometimes I do wonder, if you truely loved someone wouldn’t you wait for them or make the decision to have sexual relations with them after definitive vetting to make sure they’re the one?
Those of you who are married or in LTR’s and know about your partners past. Is there or will there always be a part of you deep down which hurts a little bit of the trust you have with your SO – knowing their past?
I think true monogamy where one partner for your entire life is basically non existent in today’s age. Back in the day it was more existent and yes it did require luck back then too.
I personally, have trouble grasping the idea that I can love and be loved to the purest extent when I have a sexual past and so does my SO. We both have shared our bodies to random people, not really leaving anything exclusive to each other.
I feel that I have already cheated on my future wife for not “saving myself” and vice versa for her to me – but it doesn’t come from a religious view. So it’s a bit confusing.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
TL;DR! – Can you truely love someone and be loved by someone when you both have a sexual past.
3 comments
How is it cheating when you are not in a relationship?
Cheating isn’t necessarily about sex. It is about breaching trust, and how that affects the other person. So knowing this, why do you think it is such a big deal?
Stop reading Christian blogs. They are stupid af. Learn about interpersonal relationships and social relationships from other places. Christian blogs based on a book written BY PEOPLE (not God) over 2000 years ago are outdated. If you can’t understand why, idk what to tell you.
[reposted bc of the stupid automod]
How can you cheat on someone you haven’t even met? That’s nonsense. Actually, it comes close to s–t shaming, if anything, because you’re upset that your partner slept with someone else before even meeting you. Again, nonsense.
>In my head, either way – you have kinda cheated on wife/husband or “soulmate”. Yes, I know you can’t predict the future.
Do you _hear_ yourself, dude? Stop reading trash on the internet and brainwashing yourself into believing stupid crap that has nothing to do with reality. You’re only shooting yourself in the foot. It’s just “I want my wife to be a virgin” but with extra steps to make yourself sound like less of an asshole (even though the idea behind it is the same).
Also, from a practical standpoint, “soulmates” aren’t real. There are MANY people out there you’d be compatible with, to varying degrees. There is no ONE AND ONLY person. “Soulmates” is just a nice romantic concept, that’s it.
>I personally, have trouble grasping the idea that I can love and be loved to the purest extent when I have a sexual past and so does my SO.
Stop indoctrinating yourself into harmful beliefs. Shaming yourself because you had sex won’t make you a virgin, but it WILL make you miserable for absolutely no reason. Seriously. You’re self-flagellating for NO reason at all.
Love isn’t sex. Sex isn’t love. They can be intertwined but they are not required to be so. Relationships are far more complex than that. The issue with your perspective is that you can forgive yourself your own past (it’s human) but you’re fully willing to call a future partner ‘impure’ or worse for having the same experiences. It’s toxic and unhelpful. Stop reading sex shaming blogs that you don’t even align religiously with. Why are you doing this to yourself?