This woman I’ve been trying to date really freaked me out. We were a perfect match. We both love football and Metallica and grew up in the same town, everything was fine. Then she brought up her sexual fantasies, she wants a guy to choke her with her neckless and bring a knife into bed and have a guy run the sharp point down her body. I already blocked her but my mind is still blown away. She would have probably killed me in my sleep. Did I overreact? Or did I do the right thing by blocking her?
45 comments
You’re obviously trolling.
Knifeplay isn’t a super uncommon fantasy tbh. Doesn’t mean she was violent or dangerous at all. So yeah, probably overreacted with blocking her and all but probably sexually incompatible in the long term anyway.
Omg youre judgmental
Get a thicker skin
Hey if it freaked you out, totally your call only you know what you’re comfortable with. BUT I don’t think it’s really that incredibly rare of a fantasy – sort of in line with consensual non-consensual stuff. The adrenaline etc. is just really exciting for some people. I do think the jump from “I want you to run a knife down MY body” to “I’m going to use a knife on YOU in your sleep” is a bit of a weird one… if she wanted to be the one holding the knife in bed I might have been more concerned.
Yes you over reacted. A gentleman gives the lady what she wants.
Chivalry is dead.
Give her id.
You overreacted and you missed out on some amazing sex. You also probably dealt a huge blow to her self confidence and now she might be extremely anxious to reveal her sexual fantasies to another guy. That was an asshole move.
Freaking out an blocking her is an asshole move. It’s ok not to share kicks other people do, but regardless of that, you shouldn’t react like that. She is also a human being, you can’t do shit like that to someone.
You should have communicated properly to her instead of blocking, so my suggestion.
Unblock her, apologise and say that you overreacted, take the blame to lessen burden on her. Make sure to tell her clearly you are not compatible, but do it mildly, since you need to consider the other person emotions.
Didn’t you want a Christian woman in your other post?
Just because she has a fantasy doesn’t mean she would have killed you in your sleep. That doesn’t make any sense.
You have a right to feel how you feel, but I probably would have said something before blocking.
How would you feel if a girl blocked you right after hearing about your sexual preferences/fantasies (weird or not)? I would guess not very good huh…
One of my exs was into this (the knife thing, almost all of me exs have like choking), they actually sell fake dull knives at some sex shops believe it or not. Maybe she would be open to that as opposed to a real one.
I mean blocking her is weird. Not wanting to do that shit in bed is not. Everyone has different things they are uncomfortable with. I probably wouldn’t want to do those things either. But you probably should have just said that, instead of ghosting her
Only you choose what you are comfy with in bed and that’s okay.
But please no kinkshaming 🙏
You must be pretty young and inexperienced. A seasoned gentleman would have no problem fulfilling this young lady’s requests. Sounds like a good time, you probably missed out on the kinkiest naughtiest sex of your life.
I don’t know man, while you can not be into that I don’t think it’s fair to jump to she is a murderer lol, yea that’s an overreact
Dude what are you 12? Way to kink shame someone for being open for literally some of the most vanilla and common kinks to exist.
Why should you date someone like that haha
I might have been tempted to have some wild sex with her – not bring a knife to bed, or choke her out – but other wild stuff, sure.
But long term relationship. Yikes, no.
It’s called knife play. I’m not sure how common of a fantasy it is but choking is certainly pretty common.
I understand you might not have been comfortable with it as it is on the extreme end of kinks but I think you could have handled it a little better and it’s a bit of an exaggeration to say she would kill you in your sleep (would anyone really start this conversation if they were a murderer)
As someone who is quite into BDSM myself (not knife play though), perhaps she wanted to bring up her kinks early to see how compatible you were before wasting both your time. Although it sounds like she misjudged the best way/time to bring it up.
Edit to add something
Sounds like you got a freak. Nothing is out of the ordinary. Knife in bed – you can get a non lethal prop knife if you compromise. Choking – Very common, you just have to keep it safe. If you want to continue, just compromise her fantasies. You might have some strange fantasies yourself and there is no judgement.
If you scared, go to church
If you are not open to it, thats fine. Block was probably unnecessary but oh well. Another dude gets to enjoy her crazy kinks and thats ok.
Way to kink shame someone. If u r not into it just communicate and end things like a grown up.
Jumping into conclusion that she might have killed u is but of an overreaction.. Don’t u think??
Just tell her “Thank You but no thank you”. Don’t block. Talk to the person. Tell her gently all the things you liked about her. Then state that you’re just not with her per her sexual fantasies. Wish her well. Don’t burn bridges.
It’s a rape fantasy, and it’s also not exactly an uncommon thing. I wouldn’t interpret it as having any sort of violent intentions toward you.
Whether it’s mentally healthy in general is probably up for debate and I’m definitely not an expert in that area, but based on what I know it’s probably fine. Seems to have something to do with fetishizing a situation where you loose control/power as a means of regaining power. “Oh you’re going to take away my autonomy and force me to do something? I’ll show you by enjoying it thoroughly; you have no power over me.” A sort of forced “you can’t rape the willing” kind of thing I guess.
Last note, I don’t have any statistics to back it up, just anecdotal information, but there’s a good chance that she’s experienced some sort of sexual coercion and this is a way of processing it. I wouldn’t guarantee that though.
I think your reaction was kinda harsh. I guess I understand being concerned for your safety, but if it’s not your thing I’d recommend saying so and moving on. Or even explaining that the situation made you concerned for your safety and trying to articulate why. Having the conversation is almost always better than ghosting.
shes just more metal than you, get over it
Don’t ghost. Be a man tell her that’s to much for you and that y’all don’t match kink wise.
With her neckless, it is impossible to choke her. Literally.
It’s ok if her kink isn’t your kink but your reaction says a lot about you. Her kink isn’t even that out there compared to others I’ve heard. You absolutely overreacted and probably made her feel really terrible. Trusting someone enough to tell them something like that put her in an extremely vulnerable position and your reaction of breaking things off, blocking her and then suggesting she would kill you is really messed up. It’s fine if you don’t want to continue dating once realizing your values don’t jive, but you owe her an apology for that. Try to imagine she laughed at the size of your dick or mocked it in some way. That sadness and degradation and doubt about yourself you’d feel? Yeah you did that to her
She’s into rough sex, not homicide. Was a bit of an overreaction to her admitting her fantasies. Just tell her you’re not into that.
She was open and upfront about her fantasies and you block her? You don’t deserve a woman who watches football and listens to metallica. You could’ve offered an alternative to a knife like a metal pin wheel toy (google it). Or just had a conversation about how that makes you uncomfortable but you’d be open to exploring her kinks. (GGG – Google it) Choking is level one my dude. Knife play is a little more intense and requires a lot of trust but she won’t have to worry about that. SMH.
You didn’t need to block her, she’s most likely just a little kinky, not violent. But it seems like you guys won’t be very sexually compatible from the way you (over)reacted, so maybe for the best in the end.
Lol, you sound vanilla, she sounds like she’s into BDSM. So, it’s correct to not pursue that relationship when it’s clearly something you’re uncomfortable with.
Blocking her is a bitch move. Tell her that you think she’s cool, but that fantasy is a little extreme for you, and then move on.
People lose the two marbles rolling around in their heads when you “kink shame”…fuck that. Some things are weird as fuck
Just because you typically associate choking and sharp objects with murder likely does not mean she’ll actually kill you.
first off, your limits are your limits, you are entitled to feel like that, and in the heat of the moment, your reaction to being freaked out is not all that bad.
That said CNC/dominance is a relatively common fantasy and is not even that extreme.
This is just purely my opinion, take it as it comes:
I don’t think blocking her is a proportional response. Is perfectly fine if you are not into that, but I feel that a message similar to “I’m sorry, you are great but I’m not into that sort of thing and is not at all what I’m looking for. Let’s leave it here, I hope you find what you are looking for. Best of luck.” would be my personal reaction given something makes me extremely uncomfortable.
Cheers!
I think you running away at the first sign of trouble is concerning.
You could of compromised certain areas like choking with just hands or using a fake knife. Those are things to consider over just completely ghosting and saying fk no. Or just asking is this just a fantasy she wanted to explore or if it was a must have kink in bed..
You do you but all I’m saying is it was salvageable.
Think you overreacted buddy. She’s not asking you to stab her – I think she just enjoys danger or possible bondage fantasies. There are lots of women who enjoy being choked during sex, it’s fairly route one. Whilst the knife thing may seem jarring, there are way more awful fantasies people have (Furries) and I think you should of heard her out or at least told her you were not into that before blocking her. It can be embarrassing to tell people your weird fetishes, so it may of hurt her feelings that you just blocked her with no explanation. Jumping to her being a murderer is also quite a childish mentality and if I’m honest, is quite unkind.
I guess I just don’t understand that some people don’t understand the difference between fantasy and reality. Someone could fantasize about this scenario but that doesn’t mean they would want this to happen to them IRL.
So she confided a sexual fantasy to her lover and you freaked out and blocked her? Are you actually an adult or is this a joke? Your post title of “I don’t know how to react” is really something else. Seems you did know how to react. But the way you reacted is a total Dick move. If that’s not your thing, have the balls to tell her. But to imagine her fantasy could make her a serial killer and suddenly put you in danger is pretty silly. I hope this girl finds her sexual match somewhere else. You sir are a total coward
so you kink shamed this poor girl , thought she would kill you in your sleep and blocked her instead of just saying that you’re not interested in those sexual fantasies?
how would you feel if the next girl you met absolutely HATED football and and blocked you after you told her you liked it? ya, probably not great.
how about next time you try and appreciate people for who they are instead of just getting rid of them the second they like something that you don’t.
So she’s honest about what she wants and your response is to freak out and block her?
Seems like she dodged a bullet here
I def wouldn’t think she’d harm you at all. Just sounds like she’s the run of the mill masochist. Pretty common tbh (as speaking as one lol). If it’s not your thing though I totally think ending what y’all had was the right call. I think giving her some reasoning as to why you did so would have been even better though.