My husband and I practice a “Happy Spouse, Happy House” outlook, but the HWHL adage has been embedded so deeply within marriage advisory that it seems to be the expectation/goal?
It sounds cute at first, but the older I get, it sounds more like an excuse for men to be 1. Non-confrontational ; not challenging their wives opinions or decisions, or 2. Uninvolved ; for pretty much anything that they don’t want to be involved in (home decoration, birthday planning, in-laws visiting, etc). So for the men who practice HWHL, are you truly as happy as it says?
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happiness is cyclical
the happier i am the happier she is
the happier she is the happier i am
and as a bonus the happier she is
the hornier she is
the hornier she is
the happier i am
wash rinse repeat
so yea
happy wife
happy life
*edited for clarity
Ya, ideally both parties in a marriage are happy.
I mean…I want my wife to be happy, she wants me to be happy. I don’t really need a cutesy phrase about it.
Your take is kind of interesting because the way I see and hear it it’s less an excuse and more trying to put a playful spin on the depressing sentiment of “Man, it’s just never worth the fight”. Yours is WAY more positive for the dudes than the beaten down connotations I generally hear.
That was very much what I was taught and how I treated my marriage. However, it was not at all an excuse to avoid things as you described. Rather, it was me endlessly caving to an increasingly entitled monster until I couldn’t take it anymore and left.
Happy wife happy life as the only guiding principle is bound to lead to resentment.
Happy spouse happy house is healthier.
Not in one right now but it has never been brought up. It’s not like a rule or anything. Making your partner happy is something we usually assume to be common sense.
Haven’t been married, but from my own experience of trying to keep a girlfriend happy while neglecting my own happiness… it doesn’t work.
I bought her everything, paid for all dates, made her feel like royalty just for her to not give me a single compliment or piece of affection back. It made me feel terrible, while she was extremely happy. I ended the relationship and am now happy again.
I do think your partner’s happiness is important, but it goes both ways.
I think it’s a case, sort of like “the customer is always right,” where a phrase gets misused to our collective detriment.
As martial advice to a man it’s not bad when the intention is to communicate that they should value their spouse and try to work towards a life they can enjoy. Or potentially, to pick your battles and decide what really matters. You should be able and be willing to disagree with your wife, but there are also some smaller hills that you shouldn’t be willing to die on.
The thing is though, that this advice *should* work both ways. Husbands should do these things for their wives, but wives should also do those things for their husbands. It’s a two way street. That said, our society still loves sexism and toxicity, so I’m not surprised it gets repeated as some kind of parallel of “you’re not man enough to give me whatever I want.”
>It sounds cute at first, but the older I get, it sounds more like an excuse for men to be 1. Non-confrontational ; not challenging their wives opinions or decisions, or 2. Uninvolved ; for pretty much anything that they don’t want to be involved in (home decoration, birthday planning, in-laws visiting, etc).
And if that makes the wife unhappy? then the life isn’t happy.
So the interpretation doesn’t really stand.
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>So for the men who practice HWHL, are you truly as happy as it says?
Yes, one of my main goals is to make my wife happy, if not just because that is my duty as a husband, it also helps to keep peace at home. So yes, the more she is happy the happier the house is.
We focus on “Happy Spouse, Happy House”. No one person should have the ability to control household happiness.
For my marriage it created a sense of entitlement that definitely wasn’t true on the flip side, it was just a lot of me bending over backwards
Terrible idea. Relationships need balance and yeah, there will be times not everyone is happy with the compromise that’s needed. If someone is always compromising, always ‘gives in,’ then it’s a recipe for disaster. It’s gives and takes from both sides.
It’s the first commandment……make her cum or she will run
No such thing is sustainable, no such thing is sustainable.
I would say I never followed this principle – at some point you have to stand for something.
I’ve never understood why people think it’s bad for a person to want to make their spouse happy.
It’s the exact opposite.
Happy life, happy wife. Live your life for your own happiness – doing the things you want (and can afford), having hobbies, being out of the house – and your wife will be happy as a consequence. If you’re taking steps to make yourself happy, it will decrease the amount of stress in the relationship and how much you lean on her for your welfare.
All the phrase ‘happy wife, happy life’ does is acknowledge a woman’s ability to make you abso-fucking-lutely miserable, whenever she wants to. Implied in it is, “Well, if you keep your wife happy, your life will be happy”, but that’s a trap. Men have this stupid idea in our pea-brains that, “If I fix whatever problem she’s cooked up, I can go back to being happy”, but that’s never the game. The game is, as soon as you fix one problem, she’s coming up with another, because there’s no pleasing someone whose happiness relies on stealing yours.
Reddit never stops having weird takes about this saying. It’s not a goal or a hard rule, it’s a proverb with roughly the same meaning as “pick your battles”.
Personally, I find it to be more accurate than not, but that’s because I’m attuned to people having bad moods and how that impacts their actions, decisions and communication. So, I don’t push issues that are not worth an argument or, much more likely, a drawn out buildup of passive aggressiveness.
that particular saying I do not agree with. n most ppl look at me weird.
marriage is a union not based on one person’s happiness. the husband should have a voice too.
most forget marriage is bout communication, compromise, and selflessness.
I think this particular statement is society’s doing. 🤷🏾♂️
Not really. But then again, we aren’t unhappy. But if I ever have to tip toe around shit just to keep a happy wife, that’s not gonna fly.
This is horrendous advice and sets you up for nothing but stress.
I mean, my marriage was two husbands so it never applied, but it’s definitely important to learn when to pick your battles instead of arguing over *everything* you ever disagree on.
It’s bullshit spouted by women that basically translates to make me happy so I don’t make you miserable. It usually always ends in resentment as you end up doing anything to stop the moaning.
I adhere to “happy alone, happy bone” myself. Way less drama.
you can make your wife happy all you want if you’re not happy you won’t have a happy life.
It was hugely impactful on my marriage. I drove myself crazy trying to make that narcissist happy. Nothing was ever good enough.
Investing in your spouse is a good thing. Making your wife happy is a good thing. In a healthy relationship is works beautifully.
If one of the partners is selfish and doesn’t invest, it won’t work.
Moral of the story. Marry a really good person, you’ll be fine.
I think the original meaning was find a wife who is genuinely happy and satisfied with her life and you will have a happier life. Not just keep a wife happy and it’s all good. That type of person will never be happy or satisfied.
As for the non-confrontational and non-engaging part I can’t really answer. But my dad liked to be relied upon and asked for his opinion. More like giving him a purpose or objective for something.
Whenever I decorate my apartment, I like to ask for his opinion and Feng Shui advice.
I prefer to live by “No wife, no strife”
It’s a saying from the 50s, I think even from marketing.
I think a good concept from the “saying” being that you want to go home to a happy household after a long days work is certainly valid. You want to look forward to going home to a happy place, not dread an angry spouse at home.
bullshit. its “happy life, happy life”
My friend’s husband used to say this all the time and I always thought it was really cringey. Turned out he was cheating on her with multiple people.
It’s good advice from the perspective of positive reciprocation in a relationship. It’s bad advice if there is no reciprocation.
I think it’s been going great, but at the same time I don’t quite see it that way.
Happy wife happy life is from the male perspective on what they can do.
The wife still needs to do her part to keep the husband happy too.
If anything, I do wonder if the wife is bored from the lack of drama.
Fun Fact, the Happy Wife Happy Life idiom is actually from a poem in the early 1900’s called The Work and Wages Party and is actually about work/life balance and fair wages.
I agree with you on the Happy Spouse Happy House, marriage (even non traditional) is a partnership
Can’t make any woman happy in any meaningful way. It has to come from within her, but too many industries are kept afloat by exploiting female insecurities.
It’s a principle for me, I suppose. My wife follows a similar script but not because it’s something we talked about or I asked of her.
It’s worked fine. It doesn’t mean being a pushover. To me, it’s working to create an environment where she and I can thrive. She’s been in medical training for the last 8 years or so and so it looks one way. As her schedule has gotten better, she’s been able to do more for both of us too.
Isn’t that a bit selfish?
If you want the relationship to last long term, which we both do, it’s a give and take scenario. She evolved on challenging things, and likewise I let little shit slide so it doesn’t turn into big shit
25 years of practice and it’s worked out pretty well
Terrible advice.
I was following this advice for years and it was very counterproductive. Once i focused on myself and didn’t care what my wife wants/ thinks magic happened.
It doesn’t work. Sounds cute, but impractical
no big story. Going home from the pub early while my mates are like “whipped!!” or “under the thumb!!” to my other half to make them happy.
12 years later, those mates are single dads and i’m still with the old battle axe.
This saying is always touted as good but it literally means if your Wife is having a bad day she’ll make everyone’s life worse 😂. It’s actually a warning against getting married to a certain type of woman
Happy Wife, Happy Life is straight out of the Duluth Model bullshit. It completely removes any and all accountability and responsibility of a relationship from the woman and puts it all on the man.
Its a lie we tell ourselves so are abusive wives dont take our kids from us.
I’m now getting divorced if that helps
HAPPY SPOUSE HAPPY HOUSE!
Happy wife happy life is the most cringe advice ever