I (25F) have been dating my boyfriend (29M) for a few months. He is considerate, thoughtful, kind, and very consistent. Our relationship feels very healthy and stable, and I love spending time with him. We have similar life plans and I can see a future with him.
For the most part, I am very present in our relationship; however, every so often (especially when we are apart for longer periods of time), I find myself having intrusive thoughts about my ex (26M). My ex and I were only together for a few months and our relationship was a rollercoaster. We had the highest highs and lowest lows I have ever had in a relationship; but when I was with him, I really thought he was my person. He seemed to understand me better than anyone else and vice versa; it seemed like we were cut from the same cloth. Obviously, there were also massive issues in our relationship and, in hindsight, I know we never would have worked out. But I can’t help myself from sometimes reminiscing about that feeling of “finding the one” (even though it was clearly false).
Although I really care for my current partner and I can see us moving towards love, I don’t have that “he’s the one”/intense feeling I did with my previous partner and I don’t think he has that same intense feeling for me either. It’s more of a peaceful comfort that I feel with him.
My current partner offers me everything I could want in a relationship. But how do I stop myself from missing the intense “soulmate” feeling I had with someone else who…obviously…isn’t my soulmate?
TL;DR: I am in a happy relationship with a wonderful man. How do I stop myself from reminiscing about an intense fling?
3 comments
I don’t think you’re ready for a new relationship yet and I also don’t think your current boyfriend is the right one for you. I would recommend being single for a while.
Reminiscing once in a while is normal and happens sometimes. Most people, even those in happy monogamous relationships, think about people other than their partner once in a while. There isn’t (at least not for most people) something that just “clicks” in your brain and makes you never think about anyone other than your partner again forever when you’ve found the “right” person.
The important thing is to remember that having these thoughts occasionally doesn’t on it’s own mean anything about your relationship.
How long has it been since you cut contact completely with your ex?