We matched on bumble 2 weeks ago, but couldn’t meet up sooner due to works. We’re going to meet in 2 weeks. We really feel connected to each other and i’m kind of afraid meeting me in person would ruin her feelings
Some other infos that might help:
– We never do video call before
– I’m pretty dumb when it comes to reading the room (How to start holding hands, when to kiss etc)
Can you guys kindly give advice on:
– How to act when we first meet?
– Any activities to do?
– What to prepare for our fist meeting?
I would be rly sad if any mistake from my side ruins our first date. So any tips from you guys would be rly appreciated
24 comments
Be prepared for the “you’re nice but I’ve decided I’m not ready to date right now” text after the first date
You should be yourself. She doesn’t want to meet one version of you and later get another if you continue dating. Have an idea of what you want to know and ask questions, but not to the point that she feels she’s being interviewed. Have some things to talk about regarding yourself, interests, experiences, etc, but also be prepared to truly listen. If she tells you something about herself try to ask a question about that which shows you are listening. (And if any of that isn’t the “real” you then you might want to work on that so you become a better conversationalist and listener so that that isn’t just the first version of you that she’s getting).
I would say just continue to talk what you were talking in the chat and just give a compliment to her how she is looking does don’t try to do any extra thing just be yourself and be confident and don’t keep high hopes of kiss and all may be bro it will spoil your date.
Its cliche to say ‘just be yourself’, but i do agree that all you have to do is that. I am F27, I also meet people via dating app, and as a woman I always take notice of how a guy presents himself. First dates are for first impressions so you have to dress to impress. Not overly fancy, but the thought that “this guy presented himself well because we’re meeting” is a green flag for me. Its also good to maintain eye contact. Also dont put so much expectation on the person you are meeting that uou envision them as someone so great, and then end up being disappointed. Remember, your goal is to get to know the person. What I also appreciate about guys at first meeting is how they listen and take note of the little things, and trying to really have a connection before all the making out stuff. A girl will for sure give you subtle signals if she finds u attractive. Good luck!
Be Yourself
If you both are into video games arcades are pretty cool, it gives you something to do AND stuff to talk about. Same concept can apply to most things if it’s something that’s a shared interest.
Wear something that you are usually comfortable in / feel like you look good in. Practice a coping strategy if you are nervous. Hype yourself up before hand with a private dance/karaoke party in your car (might sound a little silly, but it would put you in the right mood).
In regard to not knowing when to hold hands or kiss.. you don’t do it IMMEDIATELY of course, but if you feel like you want to once the date starts feeling comfortable you can just ask :). If they accept hand holding and appear happy with it, pay attention to their body language. Are they leaning close to you? Do they seem like they’re looking at your mouth? If they are and you feel bold, ask to kiss them! Of course if you don’t want to ask/attempt to that is perfectly fine. You don’t have to kiss on the first date. Just ALWAYS ask first, consent is sexy.
Have fun!!!
I’ve met a few on apps specifically for dating, not hookups. I think if both of you seem to be on the same page, getting along, etc, the easiest thing to do is keep the same energy if appropriate. If you’re a little awkward, you could even bring up the silliness of dating apps in general and laugh about it together.
Things to do? Food, icecream, a walk/sight seeing. For holding hands, i’d just go for it if the mood seems right. But don’t go in expecting a kiss or anything like that. Just go by the feel – she’s probably just as nervous as you are. Everyone’s human, you got this!
Show up w/o your pants on. Leave no room for misinterpretation
First of all… don’t get your hopes up. Go there thinking “I’m gonna meet a new person today”. This will help with anxiety. Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed and if it goes well it’ll be a nice surprise.
Ask her questions, don’t just sit there silently. This way she’ll know you’re interested. If you were the one who asked her out, than pay the bill. After the date YOU text first. And if she won’t reply, than don’t double text. Keep your dignity and move on.
0 expectations.
>How to act when we first meet?
What do you mean? Act normal, relaxed, this is a date, it’s supposed to be fun and you want her to get to know you, not some alternative form of you that you’re acting like.
>Any activities to do?
You’ve talked for two weeks, what do you have in common? What do you like doing?
>What to prepare for our fist meeting?
A powerpoint slide deck where you go point by point why you’re a good catch. You don’t have to prepare anything. Just show up showered and reasonably dressed ready to get to know someone else.
You talked for a fair amount of time, be careful not to build this up into more than it is. This is your first meeting with this person, meeting in-person may not click for one or both of you and that’s ok, it happens.
1. Make her feel interesting. Find something interesting about her, if you haven’t already. Discuss. If you feel enthused about it, act enthused. There is no better way to get a woman to like you than to have her feel like she is interesting. This even applies to shy women, though it takes more care and effort.
2. Have an activity as part of the date. Something both of you will find interesting. I don’t know why so many first dates are dinner or lunch. It should be more interactive.
Don’t be surprised if the person you meet doesn’t quite match the pictures you saw online. Lots of people use filters, odd angles, or old photos.
But if they do match or look better than their pictures, awesome. 👍
My #1 advice is not to like her this early. You don’t know her.
You have to be yourself.
For myself:
Dress smartly.
Be open and honest about what I’m looking for.
I’m pretty open about saying I’m attracted to the person, but I say I like them. I don’t always say this if I’m attracted to them or whatever. Just if I think they’re can’t tell or I want to be clear.
Based on how things are, I also make clear I have no expectations and although I’d prefer they let me know they get home okay, it’s fine if they don’t want to talk further.
I ask to kiss if they look like they want to unless they start leaning in.
Well I did in the past. I’m settled down now, but I did enjoy dating. That’s my advice, enjoy the experience. I’ve been on some dates with terrible people. Rejections, etc. But keep your sense of humour, have little to no expectations and enjoy the experience, no matter how it goes.
My most terrible dates likely just make me appreciate my current partner more.
>We matched on bumble 2 weeks ago
>We really feel connected to each other
No, you don’t. You don’t know each other. You feel connected to the idea of each other, and you like what you know *so far.*
You’re putting her on a pedastool before you even know who she is. Manage your thoughts when you find yourself fantasizing and remind yourself that you’re just getting to know her.
It’s totally fine to be excited, but be careful not to let that excitement turn into attachment to the outcome. You have no idea what will happen, and that doesn’t have to be a problem. Having expectations puts a ton of pressure on both you and on her and will make it much more disappointing if it doesn’t work out.
>How to act when we first meet?
Like yourself. Do you want to trick her into liking you, or do you want her to like you for who you are? Which one do you think will lead to a genuine and healthy relationship?
Just be genuinely interested in getting to know her. What do you want to know about her? What do you need to know to decide if you want a second date? What do you want her to know about you?
>Any activities to do?
What do you want to do? What does she like to do? Do that.
>What to prepare for our fist meeting?
Let go of expectations. Be excited about the possibilities without *needing* it to go well in order to feel good about yourself.
Work through this thought:
>I would be rly sad if any mistake from my side ruins our first date.
You can’t mess up what’s meant for you. Showing up with that fear is going to put *way* too much pressure on yourself. Just be yourself and work on finding out if you’re actually compatible.
This is entirely one sided and you never met her. What happens is she doesn’t like you? It can happen. Once in awhile I have had women tell me that they didn’t like something about me like me not returning phone calls and me entirely focused on my own life and married to my career and business.
Don’t be desperate, women can smell that a mile away and it turns them off…you should make peace with the idea of losing her, only then do you actually stand a chance. It’s either she likes you or she doesn’t.
Oh I don’t like the sound of I am afraid meeting me in person would ruin her feelings lol ..
I’d be worried if I was the girl
I personally would be annoyed at waiting that long. I ask for at least a voice call prior.
Reduce your expectations. She might look nothing like her photos. She might not show up. She might be depressed, “not emotionally available,” or have intrusive thoughts. She might’ve got plowed last night. She might have a boyfriend and be bored. You don’t even know if she’s real.
1. It sounds like you’re ready to marry this girl. Chill, it’s a first date. Focus on having fun and seeing if y’all vibe
2. Make eye contact with her while y’all are talking and smile
3. Don’t focus on kissing or holding hands unless it happens naturally, again it’s a first date
Find a nice date spot, get some drinks, have a good time. These are your goals. I do worry you’re already all in on this girl and that’s usually a bad first step, but we all do it sometimes.
Be prepared for shit to go so horribly wrong.
Don’t go in with high expectations.
If she doesn’t like you for who you are fuck her.
Do not tolerate any disrespect even in a joking manner.
Chill out & have fun
Don’t go in with any high expectations, it’s okay to be nervous! Jus be yourself! It will be okay! Have fun!! 💗
1. Keep your expectations to a MINIMUM. This is still a stranger. I really liked someone and thought I connected with them through chat. Turns out they didn’t look like their photo (it was an old photo), and they were kinda weird. We did however get along but it was more friendship level than anything. Never spoke to them again.
2. Be yourself
3. Do an activity that won’t break the bank if the date doesn’t go right. Get coffee or a drink. Take a walk in the park.
4. Prepare nothing but your clothes..or glance at a few ‘Questions to ask on a first date’ article.
​
Go with the flow and goodluck.
Side Note: I also find it hilarious some of you automatically assume OP is a man lol.