I know this question might sound fairly simple, but I struggle in having and developing friendship with other guys.
Most of my friends are females.
I’m talking of a friendship more than fist bumping other dudes at the gym. I want to have friends that will invite me to their weddings, that will consider me for that beach / hiking trip, or just hangout and have a beer. Guys usually have this type of friends from childhood, school, work. I have none of this since I moved countries a few years ago.
I’ve joined some workout classes, but it’s easier to start conversation with women than it is with men, as dumb as that sounds. Also, just recently joined some meetups and still waiting to see how that goes.
Do you have any tips or examples on how you developed good friendships in adult life?
20 comments
I’ve met a ot of friends playing Disc Golf
Grindr
My best friendships came from the stupidest encounters. Case in point, I was burning shit in the backyard on the edge of drunk and a neighbor stopped by to make sure everything was good and no one needed help. Told him I was good unless he wanted to help drink beer and burn shit and we’ve been buddies ever since. We even burnt some of his shit lol
Work. I grew out of everybody from school.
You could start a band, if you are musical at all
I started playing miniature wargames
I’ve never really considered the mechanics of my friendships. Those dudes you fist bump at the gym? they’ll be your friend I’m sure.
For me, the main thing is about keeping your promises and making an effort. When one of my friends got a cancer diagnosis I drove a fair distance on that day to see him and talk with him.
Prove yourself to be a reliable friend who sticks to his word and does what he says he’s going to do and you’ll accumulate your fair share of friends.
How did I? The navy
What I would suggest for other people? Doing things you enjoy. Hobbies and sports are fantastic ways to meet people. I’ve met more friends on the golf course than I ever thought I would.
Anyplace where you have a shared interest. Maybe not the gym for some reason. Hobby trade shows/conventions, meets, events. Hopefully work – maybe invite them to play paintball or your bowling league or whatever you like. Start a band. Take a class where you have to interact. Etc.
Friendship is like a plant, you have to water it regularly.
What starts out as a fist bump at the gym will never be more than that if you don’t regularly check in with the other person, invite them to hang out etc.
Why can’t you make friends through work? I assume you have a job in your new country.
As unhelpful as this sounds, my best friends are the ones that I share trauma with. Not like literally the same thing happened to us, but there’s a strong bond in the fact we’ve both been through some shit. It’s just a deep level of like, “oh, you get it” that I feel only comes with shared shitty experiences. Not saying you can’t have a strong bond with someone unless you both have had shitty lives, but I just personally feel a stronger connection to my friends that have had equal or worse shit than i have.
This is also coming from a pessimistic person so take it with a grain of salt. Also not trying to be all ‘woe, is me’. This is just my experience is all
In my experience, cracking a small situational joke, introducing yourself, and then asking one question is a pretty easy way to make friends.
The way to keep a conversation going is focusing on a relevant detail, ask a genuine question about it, rinse and repeat. Throw in a relevant tidbit about yourself every now and then, answer any questions they have, share a story, etc. With time, frequency, and consistency, you have a new best friend.
Well idk how to bring this to be, but my best friends are people that I’ve known and have gone through some shit with. I’m more comfortable with those guys than anybody else. All of my good friends are the result of getting caught doing something we weren’t supposed to be doing, or now that it’s later in life, going through emotional trauma with that person.
I’ve always struggled to make friends in any capacity but certain acquaintances in my life ended up being in the right place at the right time or I ended up being in the right place at the right time to the point where one of us was going thru something and the other just stepped up and gave a little comfort. Otherwise, I don’t have a lot of close friends. Male or female
Time, vibes, and mutual effort.
I ain’t like that my guy
mutual hatred of something. or we have on the same shirt
All my lasting friendships started developing over common interests and hobbies. It all developed from there.
I used to be in a similar position to you OP. At present I have 12 good guy friends but I am really close with 5 of them. I became friends with each of them differently. Some of them I worked with; some of them are friends through friends; some of them I went to school with and others I formed close bonds with through shared activities.
The friendships I have work because we want them to work. You have to find people who are willing to make the friendship work and you have to figure out (together) what level of involvement you will have in that friendship and vice versa.
Coworkers in a grueling industry. I skipped my brothers wedding to help the one roof his house and i sat with the other through 8 days of hospice care before he passed and then helped his wife with all the insurance shit and got her moved back to her hometown. That job moreso made us brothers than friends.