My girlfriend wants an open relationship; she says she has feelings for someone else but also loves me and doesn’t want to have to hold back impulses and feelings when with this other person. I feel forced into it and she keeps saying she’s confused. I’m sad about this and she’s going out with him in half an hour and it hurts. Reddit what can/should I do?
EDIT: i would have never expected this much support but you people really came through in a way I couldn’t imagine.. and as much as it hurts I can’t deny the obvious truth you’ve all pointed out. I feel so pathetic for the way I reacted it’s hard to be mean when you love someone so much but yes, I will break up with her when she returns.. it’s dawned on me that I really don’t deserve this type of behaviour and anxiety. Will update on how the break up goes. And thank you all for real, I’ve appreciated Reddit like never before tonight
2nd EDIT: I texted her how it’s over and whatnot but she hasn’t returned and I will be keeping the flat all the bills are in my name so she’ll pack her shit cuz I don’t want to waste my time doing that
24 comments
If you do not want an open relationship, you should break up. Simple as that.
She has basically told you that you are not enough for her. And there’s no guarantees you will be in the future. Best to find someone that is looking for the same things that you want in a relationship.
it is up to you.
i dont think she is confused. if she truly wanted you she wouldn’t be confused about anything. you guys could communicate and try to come up with solutions but maybe she doesnt want to put the effort.
its hard. if she is being honest. that really sucks. especially if she is pressuring you into agreeing. which is fucked up.
whether you are willing to the idea of the open relationship or not is your choice
If she wants an open relationship and you can’ give that to her, it’s over and you should break up. She’s not bad for wanting one, and you’re not bad for not wanting one. The two of you are definitely not compatible though, so why pretend you are?
Leave
Open relationship is not a solution for wanting to fuck someone else.
You can and should end the relationship.
Break up.
Grow a spine and make her an ex.
You dont have a girlfriend anymore.
Once the other guy wants monogamous commitment from her she’s going to drop you bro. Pull the plug and walk out with some dignity.
No, just no. She’s basically telling you that she is going to cheat on you and you should be okay with that. Nothing open about this arrangement.
If she’s willing to make you feel like shit just so she can “explore” feelings, she is like most people that use Poly as way to sleep around which means she’s a POS. Move on.
i’ve read and appreciated everyones comment. i managed to tell her in the midst if bawling my eyes out that she needs to get her priotity straight. If someone that just popped in our 2 year relationship with close to no effort and caused that much damage then im not sure how much she wants me. i told her to think thoroughly and carefuly about what she wants to do and if she doesnt do it soon im pulling the plug
Break it off!! Don’t be someone’s backup plan!
She wants to cheat but do so in a way where she can pretend it was some how ethical.
Take your talents elsewhere.
Dump her.
You can’t force someone else into polyamory against their will and that’s what she’s trying to do but this isn’t poly. Polyamory is an informed choice taken by willing participants and this is just cheating and guilt-tripping you into acceptance.
The minute she suggested an open relationship, she ended your relationship. She just did that so she can sleep around.
You have two options:
Either call her bluff—go find you someone to date—I bet you anything she freaks out.
Or you leave her. There is no in between.
This is poly under duress. It is emotional abuse. No one in the r/nonmonogomy, r/polyamory, or r/ENM subs would countenance what she is doing. They would tell you to exit the relationship.
Read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/sntvv3/dear_monogamous_people_you_do_not_have_to_give/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
She just told you
1. she has feelings for someone else
2. she is going out with that person in two hours
3. she wants an open relationship
Do not talk yourself into this being anything close to OK. Your girlfriend is
1. a total POS
2. a total POS
3. a total POS
don’t wait until she comes back so she has the satisfaction, break up with her while she’s on the date
Text her during her “date” that the relationship is over and to never reach out again. You dont deserve this bullshit man, she wants to fuck other guys well keeping you around and supporting her, dont be that guy for her. Dump her and find someone better, you deserve it bro
No one deserves to share their partner out of the blue.. if they are so weak they can’t control their own emotions and bodies I say good riddance… they can’t love their partners at all if want to date other people…
Dump her cheating ass
Pack your shit and be gone by the time that tramp gets back. Then don’t ever pick up your phone for her again. Move on and don’t took back.