Life has been unbearable. Can’t sleep, typing this from bed at 2 AM. Soon to connect with a doctor for psychiatric help. What should I even tell her? That I made a bunch of decisions that was stupid and didn’t help me financially in the hindsight to have a great career. This is affecting my relationships with my successful siblings. I want to learn coding, or even certifications at my present job but gets severe anxiety thinking about my future and thinking about the past few years where life sucked. I used to be very ambitious and hardworking, which has landed me in a great job in the past. Flew a little closer to the sun, moved to a different country, turns out my credentials are shit, pivoted to another career in financial sales, while I wish I had moved into tech. Can’t go back to school coz of family. I am sure I can move ahead in life, only if I could let go of the past and focus on the future.