I met my boyfriend a couple months ago when visiting a friend and he was her roommate. I always thought he was very sweet and caring and just a great guy, but now I have a problem.
Last week I found out I was pregnant, and he was sweet about that too saying he’d be there for me no matter what I decided. I was staying the night over at their house and I found out from our friend that he told her when my appointment date was. I asked him not to just be telling my business because it’s possible that I might not want to share right away how my ultrasound goes.
Well he got mad at me and I was mad at him and he said he was going outside. I told him not to tell our friend what we were talking about just now. When he came back inside a half hour later, he told me that he told her I was mad that he told her about my appointment. And that really made me angry because I had specifically asked him not to talk about me again when he went out there.
So he gets mad at me again and says he’s going back outside. This time I follow so I can hear if he wants to talk about me but on the way out he tells her “I’m not allowed to talk to you” and I’m like wth
So then we were all outside and she tells him to maybe respect that I might want to wait until I’m comfortable and ready to share things about my appointments. He says he understands. I told him i had already asked him the same thing but he only agrees when she says it. He says she makes sense and I don’t even though I said the same thing.
Later she asks why I’m even mad that he told her, and I say it’s my appointment and if I want to say something then I will be the one to say something. And then they gang up on me and she’s asking “isn’t it both of your appointment? It’s not just yours!” And he agrees immediately and says to me “yeah at what point do they become OUR appointments” our friend then calls me crazy.
And I’m like holy s***, I barely got to discuss this when my boyfriend and they’re over here ganging up on me. And he’s just agreeing with whatever she says. I say “this is a private discussion” so our friend gets mad and says that she and I aren’t friends anymore. Like she’s mad because I’m not an open book about everything and she’s offended I guess.
She takes it back shortly later but I just went to bed crying and wishing I could drink like they could and I’m so stressed out and I just want opinions
14 comments
There’s nothing wrong with asking your boyfriend to keep quiet about the situation. Your ex friend stepping in to validate your boyfriends decisions and emotions is a red flag. It’s nice she validated you at first but her later actions are odd.
Your boyfriend is undermining you.
It’s giving weird vibes he’s open to her thoughts, and not yours. Also that when he’s frustrated/mad that he goes to her. Do they have history together? It doesn’t sound right.
To me he’s acting like he’s in his early 20s. He’s a grown man now, he should be able to understand that this situation should stay between the two of you.
I can almost see how this is gonna go, and probably not well for OP if this is how he behaves… around another woman.
You can certainly feel bothered. If something like this is shared when it’s too early for you to want to share and made your feelings about it known, what else will be shared? Not every thought and action needs to be public fodder, nor commented on by everyone. It sounds like your bf is rather immature in his thinking and overshares. Be careful going forward, because you and he are a couple, not a threesome, and you should have things that are solely between the two of you.
Please think this through. Talk to some single moms. Figure out what’s best for you, first.
OK if you want this baby, go away and have the baby but this guy is not trustworthy. This is a two months relationship and clearly he’s more bonded to his friends and he is to you. So I would frankly break up with him and if you want to have the baby do it. If you’re in the states you’ll still have to pay child support which will help you financially and truthfully, he’s really immature even for being 28. Those are personal bits of information that should not be shared with anybody that you’re not in agreement with.
Okay, I’m going to be rude here. It sounds like he’s a 5 year old running to his mommy and saying. See, I told you you were being difficult. When in reality, he’s an adult, I guess?
Why is running his life by his roommate, and why is it her business? Honestly, I’d cut them both off if they think your body is anyone’s business but yours.
So question – do you discuss him with any of your friends?
If not, then all good.
If you do, then you can’t say anything about him doing it, unless you like being called a hypocrite.
As for them ganging up on you, that’s a massive red flag, and sorry but you need to seriously reconsider your relationship.
Children having children.
So wrong.
There are too many people in this relationship. He seems to think the three of you each have an equal vote, and it will always be the two of them against you. Unless you want to be a sister-wife, leave this clown and file child support.
Look up emotional affair. If he’s treating her as though she has more authority in your relationship than you do, you have a problem. You two should be a team, he shouldn’t be relying on her to tell him what’s what in your relationship.
You are ok with having a child with someone you’ve known for a couple of months? The dude’s a relative stranger. Wait until you have a child and he’s running to his friend before approving any life decisions.
I’m sorry. There’s close to no way this works out.
A baby is a bid deal. If you both aren’t a team already it’s going to be hell.
So many red flags here
Andddd this is why you shouldn’t have a kid with a guy you e only been dating a few months. You barely know him. And he seems to not really give a shit about you or your opinion.
This won’t change.