Growing up, I never played team sports or anything, and my family was very isolated so I was “the best” at most things because I was the only one doing them. I quickly started gravitating towards the things I picked up naturally, and rejected things I didn’t, so I haven’t learned how to practice and develop skills and put the really hard work in. I’ve also become a pouty jealous whiner (only inwardly- I know how to act and not tear people down obviously, outwardly I’m supportive, but in my head I’m insufferable) when I don’t get my way or don’t get something right on the first try. I also have *no* idea what teamwork is, why people do it, or how to be a team player.
As silly as it sounds, I’ve started playing Super Mario Bros for the first time and that’s part of what made me realize this flaw in myself- as soon as I lost the first level I stopped wanting to play, and then I realized I do this with everything. I also started looking back over my life and realized that no one fucking likes me and I’m always leaving jobs because I can’t work with others. I don’t need everyone to like me, but obviously there’s a problem.
I watched my dad burn his life down over the course of 20 years, blaming everyone else along the way, until he was alone and dying under a bridge because no one could stand him. I don’t want to go the same way. How do I learn to be a team player? How can I fix my mentality of inner trantrums when things don’t go my way? It’s ruining my life and I don’t want to be like this.
2 comments
That’s really a tough situation you’re in! It sounds like it’s been a long road for you, and it’s definitely not something you can just change overnight. Developing tenacity can be hard, especially if you haven’t had the opportunity to practice it growing up. That said, it is possible to learn to be more tenacious and persevere in the face of adversity.
The first thing I’d suggest is to pick up a hobby or two that require hard work and dedication. Learning a musical instrument, for example, is a great way to learn the value of putting in hard work and practice. It can be frustrating at times, but by learning to stick with it and continue to practice, you can eventually master it.
Another way to develop tenacity is to set small goals for yourself and gradually increase the difficulty level. This will help you to build the mental and physical strength that tenacity requires. For instance, if you’re learning a musical instrument, set short-term goals for yourself (e.g. Learning a new song each week) and then gradually increase the complexity of the songs you’re playing. Over time, you’ll be able to face bigger challenges with more ease.
Commit to trying 10 more times when you feel the first urge to quit and count them down. Use your self dicipline to keep going. Anybody can do anything 10 times, even if it’s going to work 10 more days when you want to walk out.