Met a woman on OLD, texted for a month before we met in person. We really hit it off through text and phone calls.
The first date lasted all day and we made out for an hour. She wanted to have sex, but I said I wanted to wait a little bit. She was super into me at the point and we texted very frequently.
The next date (two days later), I stayed over and we had sex before bed and again in the morning.
After this, I noticed she didn’t respond as much to my texts and didn’t give off the same energy as before. I asked her what was up and she said we had great sexual chemistry, but she was still unsure about our personality compatibility.
I told her we could slow things down and get to know each other more. The sex was great, but I especially valued the connection I felt we had.
She said that’s hard to do if just talking to me makes her feel horny. Also she said she’s busy with her grad school program and doesn’t know if she has the energy and time to date and put in the effort to keep things going.
She suggested we just be friends for now and get to know each other without the pressure of dating. I said no.
Then a week later, I changed my mind and told her I was down to be friends. Perhaps we could actually get to know each other without the pressure of dating.
At the very least, I hoping we could at least preserve the dynamic and text like we used to. But she’s still not giving off that same energy we had before. It’s almost like we’re two strangers talking to each other. It stings like hell.
I don’t know how to feel. If being friends means exchanging polite texts a few times a year, that sucks. I really miss the connection we had before- both physical and emotional.
I have no clue what the heck happened to make her interest go from 100 to 0 overnight. I mean, I’ve never had a woman reciprocate as much as she had prior to me staying over.
I mean, thinking about it ,now I’m kind of down for FWB if she is up for it.
Looking back, was she HINTING at being FWB earlier? Would it be weird to ask her NOW (3 weeks after she ended things) if she’s down for that?
Because otherwise if our relationship it just going to always be “acquaintances” after all that, I’m just gonna cut ties. It hurts too much.
4 comments
Just cut ties. There are plenty fish out there, why bother. It’s clear that you two are not on the same page and are looking for different things.
It’s blindingly obvious to me that you have romantic feelings for this woman just from reading your post. Imagine how much more obvious it is to her.
I don’t think she’d believe that you’re going to be capable of separating your romantic feelings in a way that allows for something casual. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to do that to yourself anyway when you feel the way you do. How are you going to take it when you’re not the only dude she’s banging?
You had great sexual chemistry, but she’s not up for a relationship. She sensed you wanted more and cut it off at the get go. Sorry 🙁
This is going to be blunt and I’m sure I’ll be downvoted.
Why would you refuse to be friends without the pressure of dating to get to know her better?
This can be extremely off putting in so many ways.
She was being a rational adult by saying that she wanted a relationship with no expectations. People tend to build up weird ideas in their heads of who a person or or what they want them to be.
She was asking to be free of these ideas that people create in order to get to know you well enough.
It sounds like you’re more interested in dating someone to fulfill an idea you have in your head of an ideal relationship. This is already getting off on the wrong foot because you’re setting yourself and your relationships up to fail.
Yes you are allowed to have preferences, yes you are allowed to want monogamy, yes you are allowed to want to get married, have kids etc.
However you aren’t allowed to tell a woman she isn’t worth getting to know as a friend because she won’t officially date you right out of the gate.
I feel like you need to explore “attachment styles” and childhood trauma. It sounds like you have an unhealthy attachment style. As well as an unhealthy idea of a relationship.
I am not saying any of this to make you feel bad. I am saying this because it seems as though you really have never heard any of this before